Marked

Marked by Bad Religion conforms to the punk rock ethic of mind over matter, of letting nothing affect you. Of being stronger than the world which seeks to crush and conform you. It is a classic theme of punk rock manifested on arguably one of Bad Religion's best albums, Stranger Than Fiction (1994). This is probably Bad Religion's most radio-friendly album and their first major-label release. Without getting into the discussion of punk rock and major labels, let me dissect the meaning of this song. 

Lyrically, the song is simple. It was written by Brett Gurewitz, aka Mr. Brett, one of the band's founders, and guitarist (and owner of Epitaph records). Mr. Brett's songs are unique and quite unlike the other principal songwriter Greg Graffin's songs. The Gray Race album, entirely written by Graffin, showcases what's missing when Mr. Brett isn't involved. 

Mr. Brett's songs are more like paintings, which are up to the viewer to decide what they mean, whereas Graffin's are more straightforward. This particular song is tongue-in-cheek. By saying one thing, which the songwriter does not sincerely believe, he seeks to mock the sentiment. It's sarcastic, in other words. The world says everything we encounter leaves a mark on our souls, that we are endlessly impressionable. We are like eternal children, sponges that soak up our surroundings, permeable barriers and all. Anyone who listens to this song and believes the songwriter is saying the world truly does nothing but leave its mark on us does not understand the ethos of punk rock or Bad Religion. It's remarkable how many of the band's fans truly believe this is a straightforward song and that the meaning is what it says. Having said that, I also believe human beings should be free to decide what the world means to them. If a song seems to reinforce their thoughts or feelings about something, then they should embrace that. 

Stranger Than Fiction was on heavy rotation in my car stereo (on cassette, no less) when I was in college (1996-97). I listened to it religiously, you could say. To this day, I still have most of the album memorized. If I could go back and sit in that seat with myself and guide myself away from the hurtful things that were to come, I would. I see how my thinking about the world allowed me to be laid open and flayed for years to come. I can see how my hard-nosed approach to everything and my mind-over-matter ethic contributed to putting me in harm's way, allowing painful processes to take over and eventually wear me down, like water that seeps into concrete, expanding and contracting as it freezes and melts, weakening me over time. 

Sitting here more than two decades after I fell in love with this album, I have a unique opportunity to explore the meaning of this song once more. I can honestly say I disagree with it. In part. I can't say that everyone you meet leaves a mark on your soul. But I can say that everyone you allow to leave a mark does, indeed, leave a mark on your soul. Those we give ourselves to leave a lasting mark, a mark that lasts the rest of our lives, which for all intents and purposes is forever. Some things cannot be undone. The parts of myself that I gave to my ex-wife are marked. Are they destroyed? Are they useless? No, but they are changed. That doesn't mean they cannot ever be given to another person. That doesn't mean I'm done loving. It doesn't really mean anything except that I loved, which is an imminently good thing. And sometimes our markings serve as a warning. Just as a scar (like the one by my left eye) tells us we were hurt once upon a time, our souls are marked as well. It's both a reminder to us, the marked, and perhaps a warning to others that we've been through something. 

So, I still agree with the song in that not EVERYTHING leaves a mark, but coming back to center, I believe many things we allow do make a mark on our lives. We have a choice in the matter, though, which is in agreement with the song. We are not helpless like jellyfish in the sea, carried by the currents and tides. We have direction, we have a choice, we have agency, and we can control the narrative. There are times we feel helpless in relationships, as I did before I left my marriage. I felt I was being endlessly punished and abused on some level or another. Leaving that relationship has allowed me to heal things that never would have healed otherwise. I took back control of the narrative, so to speak. I wasn't going to allow my soul to be skewered anymore.

What does this album mean to me more than two decades later? It's ironic to say this, but it left its mark. It's a part of me now, a part of me I allowed. I see the hard kid I was plowing through the world, bashing in brick walls with his head. I see the mistakes I made as clearly as I see the sun in the sky. If I had the opportunity to do it all again, I'd do it differently — radically different. But we're all given only one chance at life and there are no do-overs. So, it's live and learn. And that's what I'll continue to do.

Lyrics: 

If I'm a monster,
I am a willing one,
This roller coaster ride is an enticing one,
On the tip of a continuum flowing wavelike
Through disorder carry me like a vessel to water

Everything you see leaves a mark on your soul,
Everything you feel leaves a mark on your soul,
Everything you touch leaves a mark on your soul,
Everything you make leaves a mark on your soul

If I can touch it,
I can destroy it,
If it's imaginable to some degree,
I can become it,
Like a hungry turning vortex that just flickers to existence,
Consuming bits and pieces until I'm finally extinguished

Everyone you see leaves a mark on your soul,
Everyone you bare leaves a mark on your soul,
Everyone you touch leaves a mark on your soul,
Everyone you love leaves a mark on your soul

Everything you take leaves a mark on your soul,
Everything you give leaves a mark on your soul,
And all the fear and loneliness that's impossible to control,
And every tear you cry leaves a mark on your soul