Forever Blue part three - Go walking down there


Go walking down there by Chris Isaak is a song about losing the one you love. But it's more than that. It's an angry punch at society, or at least an idea of society. It's an anger about losing the one you love and seeing those perfect people (whoever they are) having the time of their lives. 

After the heartbreak of infidelity brought me to my knees, I looked with jealousy at those I thought had done things right and who had perfect lives. Anger boiled up in me. The video, using an exaggerated (and perhaps maniacal) 1960s beach movie motif, hammers this idea home. Like so many of Isaak's videos, there are pretty girls and plenty of flesh. Sometimes I wonder who is prettier, the girls or Isaak. It's hard to imagine Isaak as a pugilist, but he was indeed. Imagine his pretty face getting beaten up and nose broken seven times. It reminds me of another rocker — Social Distortion's Mike Ness — who insists on punching his way through life. 

Regardless of the images conveyed and the extra-musical adventures, Forever Blue tells me that Isaak has had his fair share of heartache. Go walking down there, however, isn't just about heartache, but the bleeding cancer of jealousy. I never considered myself a jealous person, but the last couple of years have shown me otherwise. Apparently, I'm just as vulnerable, perhaps more so, than anyone else. 

When Cindy came back into my life, jealousy flared up. I was jealous of her, her husband, her children, her life, her family, her ... everything. I have NEVER experienced such jealousy, and I had to give myself a timeout just to figure out what was going on. I don't want to be jealous. That's not me. While I don't feel jealous at this moment, I now see I'm susceptible to those negative feelings. This song tells me there's nothing back there for us. If I have a relationship with the woman I love, it will have to be us looking forward and not backward. 

The fear of missing out (FOMO) drives a lot of our culture. It's why people do a lot of stupid things or things they don't even want to do. They spend money on things they don't want or hang out with people they hate just because they have FOMO. Some people have kids for the same reason, which is just plain silly. Well, I've missed out on some pretty seriously good things in my life because I made bad decisions. I don't have FOMO. I just plain missed out.

There's nothing I can do about the past. I'm close to being done grieving about that. I've come back to center in recent months. I've seen what my life could have been like. I got stuck on that because the past is easier to see than the future, but I know the future is going to be special. I can't wait.

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