my careless contagion

Unexpectedly, she came back into my life. There she was, at my door, and I welcomed her in. We talked. My heart throbbed with excitement. There she is, Joshua, the one you love! Right in front of you!  Being with her felt natural, like she'd always been there, like she would always be there. Like a part of me was returned or made whole. She just made sense. My favorite memories with her were simple ones: walking, talking, sometimes with Brutus  (the cheagle) and my son. There was the walk we took one summer day at a recreation area outside town. It felt like the rightest thing in the world to be with her.  It may sound strange, what I'm about to say, but it's true. I love the arrangement of her features. Her face and all its parts. Her body and how it's put together. I can't see inside, but I saw the outworking of its parts, and she is as beautiful inside as out. Her heart is my favorite feature.  The heart of that woman is precious. She displays a humility before t...

Disconnected, from Face to Face's 1992 album Don't Turn Away (which is, in my opinion, a perfect punk rock album) is a simply-worded song. The lyrics aren't complicated. The singing is straightforward and predictably angsty and overwrought in typical punk-rock fashion. I saw Face to Face perform a few times. Keep in mind this is a three-piece band. These sounds are coming from three people each playing an instrument. The bass alone is perfect. As a whole, it's profound and simple at the same time and paints a perfect picture of what many people feel at some point in their lives, which is a disconnect from those around them (and maybe even themselves).  Before I go off on a tangent, here are the lyrics.  You don't know a thing about me Is there something that you should know? I can tell you what you want to hear Let your inhibitions just go No you don't know what you will give up You don't know what you want It may take you years to find out You don't kno...

This song doesn't get enough credit, nor does the singer. Michelle Branch is still popular and produces new material. Her personal life is a subject of interest, as she was married to a man many (actually, just me) considered a handler of sorts. It was an odd relationship. She got divorced and married a different man, at one point accusing him of infidelity and slapping him during an argument, ending with her being charged with domestic assault. I'm sorry, but a woman slapping a man because he may or may not have cheated on her? Drop those charges, bro. That's not domestic assault. That little girl couldn't assault an avocado. You're a weenie. But, anyway.  This song was released in early 2002 during a period when music like this was still popular. It almost has a 90s-song feel, which I like. It has angst, good production, some visual effects, and a pretty girl who can actually sing. The song is important because of the subject matter, which involves a couple in a r...

Thank you, Lord, for these moments with her. Holding her hand in the theater and fighting back tears of happiness because this is what I always wanted. Here she was, and sitting next to me as if it was the easiest thing in the world. Thank you for letting me see her heart and to understand, at least in part, such a beautiful soul — a special soul that knows no equal. I get to hear what's in her heart, her mind, and to see your imprint on her. It's all over her, in, and through her.  Thank you for letting me be something in her life. Just to be here is a miracle for which I am beyond grateful. She makes me incredibly happy, and I can't help but see her as a gift. I get to enjoy her, feel her warmth radiating next to me, revel in the scent of her skin, and bask in her laughter. And what beautiful laughter! I'm in love with the sound of her voice. I don't think there's a single thing about her I haven't fallen in love with. The sum total of her is probably more...

There's something about her. I can't always put my finger on it. Sometimes I can name it. Sometimes not. It just melts me. Every time. Listen, I'm a man. Been through hard things. Hard times. Endure hard things every day. Wade through pain and frustrations that would make many crack. Sometimes I feel like cracking, too. Sometimes I have to pray hard and fast through strangled tears just to make it through. I've worked more years than those I work with have been alive. I'm tough. Rough around the edges. Stoic and brutish and sometimes cynical and hard. But there is something about that woman that melts me. Every time. All that shellac and veneer. All that painstaking patina. Gone when she's near. She has no idea, I'm sure. I become soft as a baby around her. My heart beats stronger. My mind is set ablaze. The shrapnel in my flesh doesn't hurt. Tiredness in my bones doesn't intrude. I become gooey in her presence. Like clay in her hands. The best parts...

Can we try? Can we wade into this together, holding on to one another? This is such a beautiful thing. Please don't worry. Let's enjoy the journey. We don't have to see the whole way. We can trade knowing the future for knowing we're in this together. You and me and yours and mine. Let's do it. Let this thing we don't know what to do with grow from uncertainty to something we can't imagine living without. Please take my hand. I don't want to do this with anyone else.  This thing. It grows. It can take over our hearts silently. We wake and feel something undeniable blossoming within. Let's do this together and call it what we want. No one says it has to look a certain way or progress along a certain path. It's ours. We can take our time. We can press pause. We can jump ahead. Just as long as we do it together. We can meet. Talk. Lay in silence, you in my arms, and me keeping time to the sound of your gentle breathing and the sweet rhythm of your h...

Anytime, anywhere I don't care I want to see you hear you, feel you I waited for you do you think I'm going to say no? the girl I love wants to see me I'm there Dear, we are so close we are so near this is something wonderful God will bless us all we need to do is step out in faith Leave fear behind walk with me toward a new beginning It's not just love I have for you I have love for those you love dear, they are always in my prayers I feel we pushed aside something of great worth something God will bless it's so clear all we need to do is walk forward take my hand we can begin anytime, anywhere Today, tomorrow, the next it doesn't matter my love for you remains strong through so many storms and nights my heart still cries out for you my mind still pores over you I know you feel something and that something is deeper  than either of us realize It waits for us to nourish it and it will spring forth  bringing forth fruit and blessings to all those around us I conf...

For her I would traverse the world to find and bring her happiness, if happiness was found only so far away. For her I would slay endless foes or whatever it is that would impinge upon her health, wealth, and welfare, or that of those most dear to her. I would stand in the gap day and night for her and those she loves. Indeed, I have.  For her I would grapple with any problem, no matter the complexity and pain to myself. I would take it apart and make that situation work, bleed the venom out of it, make it harmless and a cute memory, and send it packing.  For her I would give what she wants, no matter the cost. Does it mean I lose something? Does it mean I spend my time in wonder and lack? Does it mean someone else wins and I lose? I can't lose when she is happy and content. I can't lose when she wakes or sleeps in peace. What more can I give her is a question I constantly ask. My love is always the answer. I give her my love every day in one way or another, though she may nev...

The woman defies explanation. And, try as I might, I still can't adequately describe her. It's like looking into the sun and trying to describe its brightness. Boy, you'll go blind doing that. What’s the analogy for words, though? Perhaps, if I keep staring into her brightness, I'll run out of words. Will I ever run out of words for her delicate features, luminous skin, and everything that lies beneath? Only God knows.  It's like she’s from another time and place that never existed where people are true and fair and honest to a fault. So authentic. So innocent. So pure. I want to put a smile on her face and laughter on her lips for the rest of her life. She deserves that and more. She radiates something to which I gravitate. I've never been able to name that thing. It's her. It's something in her I fell in love with years ago. That innocence. Does she know what it does to me? She is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Inside and out.  I'd li...