my careless contagion

January 28, 2018, I started this blog. I was alone and the divorce was nearly final (February 8). With no one to talk to about what I was feeling, I wrote here, originally transcribing from a notebook. What began as a form of therapy evolved into a journey of faith. What started in a very bad place ended in a much better place, though I am still alone. This blog garnered 34,000 hits over six years, which is a big surprise. (Also surprised attempts to create a new blog failed, but the love letters written to a certain woman were likely the reason anyone read here anyway.) Thank you to everyone who read here at some point. I prayed you got something out of it. Learned a lot about myself and am a lot humbler at its closing than at its beginning. Honesty, facing problems, and working toward solutions paid off, but it was God who did a work.  I cut my teeth on gospel songs. Win Worley's song sermons were my favorite and listened to them on cassette over and over. Such joy in that man...

Unexpectedly, she came back into my life. There she was, at my door, and I welcomed her in. We talked. My heart throbbed with excitement. There she is, Joshua, the one you love! Right in front of you!  Being with her felt natural, like she'd always been there, like she would always be there. Like a part of me was returned or made whole. She just made sense. My favorite memories with her were simple ones: walking, talking, sometimes with Brutus  (the cheagle) and my son. There was the walk we took one summer day at a recreation area outside town. It felt like the rightest thing in the world to be with her.  It may sound strange, what I'm about to say, but it's true. I love the arrangement of her features. Her face and all its parts. Her body and how it's put together. I can't see inside, but I saw the outworking of its parts, and she is as beautiful inside as out. Her heart is my favorite feature.  The heart of that woman is precious. She displays a humility before t...

I asked my mom to answer questions recently about motherhood. Here are her answers. I include it here because it is retrospective in nature and I don't want to lose it.  *** 1.Favorite memory: It’s really hard to pinpoint one thing. I loved holding my babies, carrying them. Having them fall asleep on my shoulder. Nursing them, knowing I was feeding them something that was really good for them. You would nurse for  awhile  , then pull away, smile at me, then go back to nursing. What a joy! When you were older, reading books together was fun. I just loved having all my children underfoot, at home. As far as you were concerned, you gave the best hugs. When I was grouchy, you would ask if I needed a hug. You always seemed to understand me; we were on the same wavelength, You didn’t talk much, but when you did, you always had something important to say. You were thoughtful, you thought a lot about deep things. You had a good understanding of important things. I enjoyed having ...

This is a new song, and it's pretty good. It sounds older than its release date of 2023. It got a lot of airplay, I didn't like it at first, but after about 10 listens it started to make sense (I may be a little slow). So much of country music is about drinking (thumbs down), but let's go with that for this post. Since I likely won't still be writing here regularly after the 28th, this is a good time for the annual sobriety post.  It was April 10 years ago when I stopped drinking. Every year I memorialize what God did in my heart then. It's nothing short of a miracle. It's a miracle I function. A miracle I'm still alive. I'm literally a walking miracle, and people walk by me like I'm some ordinary Joe. They have no idea.  A decade without drinking is a curious thing. It was supposed to kill me. Like I got a get-out-of-jail-free card. A new lease on life. A new life, new identity, new responsibilities. Alcohol was my way of ending myself, and slowly. ...

Holiday Road is synonymous with the National Lampoon movies, as it was was created for the original film's soundtrack and ended up on the rest. I recall watching the original couple movies as a kid. They were a bit raunchy, but I'm sure some of that was edited out, as we watched on network TV. I wouldn't let my kid watch them today. How times change.  No one cared what we did back then. Maybe should just speak for myself. Did anyone even know what we were doing? Generation X is sort of the lost generation, sons and daughters of Baby Boomers who were busy enjoying their lives and ignoring the fact they had kids. I was a latch-key kid, independent and resourceful. As I got older, I realized I missed out on a lot by being raised that way. How would I have turned out had I had a loving, tight family instead of being raised by wolves?  It's not that my family didn't love me, it's just that they erased that love with their harsh words and behavior. I am a strong perso...

My favorite dog (a chihuahua) on TikTok recently passed away. I was filled with grief for the little creature and her people. Dogs mean a lot to mankind, and have for eons. They are wonderful animals, and earned the distinction "man's best friend" for a reason. We all know that. Here are some conclusions I came to about dogs, and there is a human application, as well, if you're so inclined.  For my work, I'm often in people's backyards, so naturally meet a lot of dogs. I think about them a lot. One principle is people's perception of their animals versus a stranger's perception. How many times was I told, "Oh, he's nice," only to have a dog attempt to tear me limb from limb? There is a dichotomy in that. Dogs are a protective force, fierce when protecting their people. It's their job. Always was, though we don't need them much for that anymore. They are loyal and gentle with their own but brutal toward outsiders. I qualify as an o...

About a week ago, my dear Inky left us. She was the only pet I called my own except for a turtle (Scooter) I had when I was growing up. He disappeared under mysterious circumstances. One of my brothers later admitted he dispatched poor Scooter. I never understood his cruelty, and I feel there is a family-line curse of cruelty. All the men in my family and even some of the women have that trait, though it manifests often when they don't realize it. Which is worse, when you think of it. I tried to expunge myself of that trait over the years. Only God knows if I was successful.  Haven't had good luck with pets. And it's always sad when they leave. So, that explains my reluctance to get a dog or something. A dog would be the best bet, as I hear they are man's best friend. And I could sure use a friend.  Back to Inky. There were a few things I wanted to talk about regarding her passing. I felt God answered my prayers about the timing of her passing. I left it in His hands in...

Before I begin, let it be known I was into Creedence Clearwater Revival before I saw The Big Lebowski. Anyone who saw that movie knows The Dude loves CCR. With that out of the way, let us begin.  I love John Fogerty's voice. It was a perfect fit for its time, and it still resonates. The songs are actual songs, and not the nonsense on popular radio now. This is beyond oldies (people are calling music from the 2000s oldies now). There is a deep humanity in this music. Okay, so this song came out in 1971, so why does it have a video? No such thing was done at that time. Certainly not by CCR. This is something my mom would have listened to, so why am I discussing it? I read a bit about the meaning of this song from Wikipedia and it struck me how some people aren't happy with everything they've worked for, even if it surpasses their wildest dreams and expectations. It makes no sense, and it brings to mind passages from Proverbs and Ecclesiastes. Anyway, here is what it said.  ...

I remember sitting in a dentist chair in the late 80s with this song  (which came out in '84)  playing on the radio. It seemed strange that he was singing of a time that was so long ago (it was only 20 years prior) and wondered if he was even alive in 1969 (he was 10). Our concept of time is sometimes faulty, and, well, I wasn't the brightest kid, either. Anyway, Bryan Adams started rocking in a band at the age of 15, and it's entirely possible he had a heckuva summer in the summer of '69. This guy continues to rock, and he's in his mid-60s now. We will forgive his being from Canada. He has an impressive string of hits, and even performed this song with Taylor Swift in her recent tour. Still relevant. Still rockin'. I won't even delve into his politics because it's sure to be a disappointing misadventure.  Little did I know when I sat in that dentist chair this seemingly wholesome and nostalgic hit song was actually about sex. Yes, Bryan said just that i...