Have You Ever Seen The Rain? (CCR)
Before I begin, let it be known I was into Creedence Clearwater Revival before I saw The Big Lebowski. Anyone who saw that movie knows The Dude loves CCR. With that out of the way, let us begin.
I love John Fogerty's voice. It was a perfect fit for its time, and it still resonates. The songs are actual songs, and not the nonsense on popular radio now. This is beyond oldies (people are calling music from the 2000s oldies now). There is a deep humanity in this music.
Okay, so this song came out in 1971, so why does it have a video? No such thing was done at that time. Certainly not by CCR. This is something my mom would have listened to, so why am I discussing it? I read a bit about the meaning of this song from Wikipedia and it struck me how some people aren't happy with everything they've worked for, even if it surpasses their wildest dreams and expectations. It makes no sense, and it brings to mind passages from Proverbs and Ecclesiastes. Anyway, here is what it said.
... Fogerty himself has said in interviews and prior to playing the song in concert that it is about rising tension within CCR and the imminent departure of his brother Tom from the band. In an interview, Fogerty stated that the song was written about the fact that they were on the top of the charts, and had surpassed all of their wildest expectations of fame and fortune. They were rich and famous, but somehow all of the members of the band at the time were depressed and unhappy; thus the line "Have you ever seen the rain, coming down on a sunny day?". The band split up in October the following year ...
So many things I worked hard for, toiling year after year, didn't turn out. I went belly up. I failed. My hard work didn't come to fruition. However you want to say it. I don't know what it feels like to have things I worked for blow up in a good way. Usually, they just blow up. Like a fermenting watermelon. But more often like a dud.
It got me thinking. It must be some sort of curse. I put my blood, sweat, and tears into something and it fizzles out. It makes me want to stop doing anything, but that's no solution. I have a few good years left, I imagine, though am sick as I write this. (And I got rear-ended yesterday on my way to work and my dishwasher crapped out tonight after I worked nearly 10 hours in the frigid wind.) Inky, the only cat I ever called my own, is rapidly exiting this world. Any moment now, I expect. She is almost 18 years old and has been the sweetest cat. To say I'm sad is not precise enough. I am grieving. When she came home the first night as a kitten, I sat her on my lap and told her she would love me. She did that faithfully, though she was given away after my divorce. She was brought back into my life after the woman who cared for her died and my ex took her home. My short visits with her made me very happy. But, I'm already digressing. I have a smattering of unrelated things to relay which I thought were interesting. I'll try to deftly weave them into this post about a song, though, so you won't notice. Oh, I already told on myself, so never mind.
In church last week, a visiting pastor relayed an interesting concept. I don't know if the numbers are completely accurate, but this is what he said. A lone horse can pull 8,000 lbs. Given that starting point, how much do you think two horses can pull? Sixteen thousand lbs, correct? No, it's 24,000. Okay, how about if those horses are best buddies who spend all day with one another, feeding and frolicking together? That number shouldn't change, should it? They should still pull 24,000 lbs, but they don't. They pull 32,000 lbs. The point I'm making is we are stronger together and when we work together. That's why satan puts so much effort into destroying relationships, especially between believers. He cannot allow us to work together. I just depicted many godly relationships. In my marriage, I felt undermined and thwarted. I was openly mocked by my wife in front of her family. I'm all about playful banter, don't get me wrong, but it was cruel and ugly. I didn't feel respected or appreciated, which are two things a man needs in a marriage. We don't even get that much from our professions, so allow us that at home.
I mentioned my friend Cindy was married to someone I came to believe was a narcissit. But I don't know. I don't know much about the man, except he seems to be at her home a lot, which is something I thought she said he couldn't do. I don't know, and it doesn't matter. He was given a charmed life, but it wasn't enough. He wanted more, but more was never satisfying. I would like to not mention him here much more, so let me relay a few things for those who have to deal with a narcissist (we all will at some point). And then we'll be done with that thread.
Three posts follow. The first relays how a narcissist is created in childhood (basically by not being told no). The second explains why the narcissist chooses someone (they are incredibly special in some way, though I also suspect they were easy to pull the wool over their eyes as well). And last, the solution for dealing with a narcissist (if we are unlucky enough to have to do so). I won't name who the narcissists in my life are. For some reason, I was surrounded by people I felt the need to protect myself from. I heard a woman recounting how the only time she saw her man cry was after she told him, "You are worthy of being loved." A lot of things on the internet I simply don't believe. It's contrived or exaggerated or scripted, but this I believed. Because I lived it. I carried on about this topic enough, so going to move on.
Some final notes on a long-running thread. The girl I fell in love with excelled all women I ever knew. She spread through my mind and heart like a raging fire, though I was not consumed. Okay, a little bit. I got to know her on a friendship level where I don't think she was trying to impress me, so I saw the real Cindy. And you know what? She's the same as the version I had in my head and heart. I compare them all the time, hoping she would somehow be more attainable in real life. We don't often see each other. I don't have a solution for that. Maybe you think I'm headed for a raining-while-the-sun-is-shining moment. I'm a bit of an old man, at this point. I'm not even middle aged. Life expectancy in the U.S. for men is 77 years, which means middle age is 38. I'm eight years beyond that. My point is I know a few things. I've been around. I know not to put all my happiness on a person (I'm divorced, so I'm properly wised up, though a bit cynical). I think my life would be much better with her in it more, but I also don't know how to bring that about. If I had to, I could walk away and it would not destroy me. I expect she is the same. We'd be fine, though sad for a while. Again, that's not the point. I was drawn to her beauty because she was unlike any woman I ever knew, and I knew her most of my life. Let me state it again. She excelled all of them. Once you fall in love with the best, how excited can you get over the rest? She just wiped the floor with every woman. I compared every woman to her, and I was always disappointed. No, she is not without flaws, but her virtues far surpass her flaws. There is no competition. I wanted to be in her life because I was in love with her. That reason remains. I would be incredibly lucky to have her someday. I'm incredibly lucky I have her as a friend. I would ask her to be my girlfriend if I believed she would say yes. I believe it's possible someday she will let herself fall in love with me. Also possible is she ends our relationship. I'm more prepared for one than the other. There is nothing more to add. Gonna retire this thread.
Listen, I don't want to write what I already wrote. I don't want to come off as anything I'm not. I'm sick as I write this. I'm tired. I'm old now. My health is still slipping and I can't do anything about it. I'm lonely and tired of being alone. Probably past my bedtime, too. I'm not going to crack the code sitting here typing. This blog didn't solve anything. I need to get healthy because I have at least one person who depends on me. And he wants me to teach him stuff like how to throw a ball. So I'm going to teach him how to throw a ball. And we'll do other things, on and on like that, until God gives me something else to do or sends a ticket home. I may be tired, but He is the strength of my heart. What to do with this blog? My dreams bloomed and died here a thousand times. My heart is splattered about like so much graffiti on bathroom stalls. Parts of it are embarrassing. Parts are humorous. Parts make me weep, like my last post. Maybe that's what that song's about. Feeling blessed and like something big slipped away at the same time. If so, I thank God for those moments, too, just like all the rest. I praise Him for the things I understand and those I don't. It's all His anyway, as I gave my life to Him. Amen.
"One life, twill soon be past; only what's done for Christ will last." My goal is to walk with Him with what time I have left. If I don't write here for a while, that's all I'm doing. I will appreciate, thank God for, and praise Him for everything that comes my way, not matter how it looks at the time. God can do more with nobodies than anyone I've ever seen. I'm definitely a nobody, and a man without a home. Sign me up. Would appreciate your prayers.
Before I go, I'd like to mention something rather lovely. Did you know that lamb's blood is used to make antivenom? What a neat picture of Jesus destroying satan's work! God always has a solution. We simply don't realize how important and precious Jesus' blood is. Place it over your home, job, kids, family, yourself, your country, and anything else you can think of. Every day. It's a blessing in so many ways.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
Christian blog: a-better-hope.blogspot.com
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