my careless contagion

All the lights go down as I crawl into the spaces Fight, flight, or the screams, life tearing at the seams Wait, I don't ever want to be here Like punching in a dream, breathing life into my nightmare If it falls apart I will surely wake it Bright lights turn me green, this is worse than it seems Wait, I don't ever want to be here Like punching in a dream, breathing life into my nightmare They'll get through, they'll get you In the place that you fear it the most In the corner, where it's warmer In the face that you wish was a ghost Wait, I don't ever want to be here Like punching in a dream breathing life into the nightmare *** Punching In A Dream was released in August 2010 by the New Zealand indie band The Naked And Famous on their debut album. It was featured on many platforms, including the show The Vampire Diaries, which I used to watch. The Nina Dobrev/Candice King duo kept me coming back, long after it was clear it was just a soap opera with blood. But t...

Joey Baby Don't get crazy Detours, fences I get defensive I know you've heard it all before So I don't say it anymore I just stand by and let you Fight your secret war And though I used to wonder why I used to cry 'til I was dry Still sometimes I get a strange pain inside Oh Joey if you're hurting so am I Joey Honey I've got the money All is forgiven Listen, listen But if I seem to be confused I didn't mean to be with you And when you said I scared you Well, I guess you scared me too But we got lucky once before And I don't want to close the door And if you're somewhere out there Passed out on the floor Oh Joey, I'm not angry anymore Joey Baby Don't get crazy Detours, fences I get defensive I know you've heard it all before So I don't say it anymore I just stand by and let you Fight your secret war And though I used to wonder why I used to cry 'til I was dry Still sometimes I get a strange pain inside Oh Joey if you're hurting...

Love of a Lifetime was recorded in 1990 and released in 91. Ancient history. Probably forgotten by most who lived through those years. FireHouse was not a huge band (though their hair was), but they did have radio hits, of which this was their biggest. Sadly, I heard the lead singer passed a while back, but not before realizing how many people got married to this song, which he wrote.  Why am I, in 2025, writing about a song popular on the radio in 1991? Because, when the opening chords played all those years ago, I was captivated. I sat by the radio until it played (it was on heavy rotation) and taped it, believe it or not. I knew — someday — I would have the same kind of love he sang about.  It wasn't the first time I noticed an obsessive streak in myself. When I find something interesting or compelling, I chase it down every dark and winding path. (My last name actually means to hunt or to chase a defeated foe. It's an old name, now believed to be of Dutch origin, though we...

Killing Me Softly With His Song was released by Roberta Flack in 1973, which is ancient history for me, as I wasn't born. But good songs have good bones, and good bones hold up to the creeping sands of time, which threaten to bury us all.  This song was written a couple years before Roberta recorded it, and many have since covered it to varying degrees of popularity. One of the most notable covers was The Fugees  (1996), before Lauryn Hill left to pursue a solo career. I recall owning The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, which is a good album.  In the hands of an artist, the meaning of a song can change. Roberta's version reveals the song is about a touching moment between a musician and a woman in the crowd. It's as if the man knew her deepest thoughts and desires, even her pain.  In the hands of the Fugees, it became a lost-love or unrequited-love song. It's not a love song, as we don't do happy songs anymore. They don't sell. What sells is poignancy and pain, an ...

It's probably not the longest song title, but it may as well be. It also has the 80s written all over it, though it was released in 1991 (recorded in 1990). You know, maybe that's why I missed this song. I looked up Roxette's song catalog, and there are so many I can recall. This one, however, I missed. It was Roxette's last top-10 hit. Radio was turning away from the 80s sound in the early 90s, embracing the new, alternative sounds of grunge, ska, punk, whatever. Understated and grouchy versus whatever you call this. I call it awesome.  Roxette was a Swedish rock duo, and I would call this a power ballad. The gentle opening lulls you into thinking this is something else, then the chorus rips. Honestly, I could listen to songs like this the rest of my life. It's the kind of stuff that made middle school palatable. It played off the exaggerated feelings of tweens and almosts, as sort of a warning and a riddle of emerging adulthood and its complexity. It's similar...

You've probably heard this song, though maybe not for a while. If you're of a certain age, you likely know the song already. Since New Slang was released in 2001, I would peg its inception at 2000, making this song 25 years old, give or take. Feel old?  I don't know what it was about the song that made me want to write something. Let's take a look at the lyrics for clues.  *** Gold teeth and a curse for this town Were all in my mouth Only I don't know how they got out, dear Turn me back into the pet I was when we met I was happier then with no mindset And if you took to me like a Gull takes to the wind Well, I'd've jumped from my trees And I'd've danced like the king of the eyesores And the rest of our lives would've fared well New slang when you notice the stripes The dirt in your fries Hope it's right when you die, old and bony Dawn breaks like a bull through the hall Never should have called But my head's to the wall and I'm lonely...

January 28, 2018, I started this blog. I was alone and the divorce was nearly final (February 8). With no one to talk to about what I was feeling, I wrote here, originally transcribing from a notebook. What began as a form of therapy evolved into a journey of faith. What started in a very bad place ended in a much better place, though I am still alone. This blog garnered 34,000 hits over six years, which is a big surprise. (Also surprised attempts to create a new blog failed, but the love letters written to a certain woman were likely the reason anyone read here anyway.) Thank you to everyone who read here at some point. I prayed you got something out of it. Learned a lot about myself and am a lot humbler at its closing than at its beginning. Honesty, facing problems, and working toward solutions paid off, but it was God who did a work.  I cut my teeth on gospel songs. Win Worley's song sermons were my favorite and listened to them on cassette over and over. Such joy in that man...

I would be remiss to leave this space without posting something from Samiam (it's been a while, but I did post something before). I had to do a bit of a thinky-think session as to what to post, though. She Found You (1997) won, though many others deserve honorable mention. Simply wanted to post a good song from a band that captured my attention for many years. This was one of the first songs I heard and it's still a favorite. I even drove from Ohio to Pittsburg (staying in New Jersey, eww) to see them play a festival, and then turned around and caught them in Detroit about a week later. They continue to record music and tour. Anyway.  Other songs contending for the prize were Mud Hill (a proper breakup song), Dull (about how dull life can be when you're alone), and Sunshine (how I imagine being a girl and the object of someone's affection feels like). None of them made as much sense as She Found You, as it is clear I was greatly affected by relationships with women in...

Fugazi's Waiting Room is probably better discussed by this author  (it's short) than by me. I just want talk about what the band meant to me. Since we're talking about waiting, let me say waiting is a useless enterprise by itself. Waiting does absolutely nothing in and of itself. Waiting — combined with other activities — can yield positive results, but problems don't go away on their own. The passing of time does not solve anything except our own existence. Problems require the application of a solution. There.  I saw Fugazi in 1998 (forget where but somewhere in Michigan), and a few days after that saw Bad Religion (in Ann Arbor) for the first time, so Fugazi was my first show. They were from Washington, D.C., and kept their ticket prices low so kids could attend. Hardcore was always for the kids. (I guess you would call this post-hardcore.) Tickets were $5 plus $1 Ticketmaster fee. Whereas Bad Religion was lyrics-driven, I liked Fugazi because it was guitar-driven. I...

Nothing fascinated me musically as much as the band Bad Religion. I used to spend so much time researching the band and its members, even talking to Jay Bentley on internet relay chat (IRC), #badreligion on undernet. The fascination really took hold when I was in college. I was bored, technologically inclined, and a wee bit malcontent.  No band is as misunderstood as Bad Religion, and some fans like it that way. It's a barrier to the band becoming massively popular (they are more popular outside the U.S.), but it also makes you feel like you're in on the joke. Others don't understand. That's the reason hardcore and punk rock were important to a lot of people. It was a way of excluding those who excluded them from society. When our bands became too popular (a subjective thought if there ever was), we called them poseurs and fled to other, lesser-known bands. Gotta keep it real. But I was always into Bad Religion and remained a fan (even though I didn't share their po...