A grand adventure
Perhaps readers wonder what happened over the last year, where I ended up, what life now looks like. Perhaps not. Fair enough. The last few months looked a lot like this. (It's a few seconds and says it all.) Took time for my nervous system to return to baseline. Maybe some say it couldn't have been that bad. Oh, shucks, you're right. It was totally not a big deal. I moved 1,400 miles away and still have nightmares more than a year later. I don't plan on expounding on what happened anymore. My June 13 post, The Naked and Famous — Young Blood, explains, if there is further interest. On this blog, I cut the crap. I acknowledge the unacknowledged. It's not always pretty, but it's real.
I went through all the emotions. Anger. Destabilization. Unease. Disassociation. Bewilderment. Hopelessness. Moments of hope, despair, depression, exasperation, wonder, resignation, repeat. Resetting your life isn't easy. Some days, I gave up and took a nap, hoping tomorrow would be better. I wondered why God wasn't letting me move forward, then realized I wasn't ready, was still grieving, hurting. Can you be shattered, then vulnerable enough to let Jesus put you back together? My life was a repeating script. I walked away from those who call themselves Christians, from so called Christianity, from the hope of being with a woman, yet couldn't walk away from Jesus. Jesus never walked away from me, especially when I was most in need. I got the feeling He was well acquainted with my sorrow and there was nothing He didn't understand. Do you know what it's like making life-changing plans while your heart is ripped out and all you want to do is curl up and die? Feeling small, forgotten, abandoned, then the Creator of the universe sits with you in your darkness, your silence, at your lowest, when everything has been stripped away.
This is what I know about my new place. I don't pretend to be an expert. If you are moving here, this may help, but research for yourself.
I won't detail how I came to an exact decision; that's between me and God. I knew moving was the way forward (yes, I saw the misspelling) by October of last year but didn't know where. Lots of prayer and fasting. On the table were Kansas City (deliverance church there), Nevada (many cool places, including Vegas), Arizona, Tennessee, Alabama, Texas, California, Utah, Idaho, the Carolinas, and others. All interesting historically, topographically, geologically, etc., but were problematic. One door remained open: south Florida, also known as SoFlo, specifically southwest Florida (SWFL). What galvanized my mind was a few weeks after my son and I visited my parents in Florida over Christmas break, my dad had to enter the hospital for an infection and unexpectedly stay several days. My mom couldn't get home right away because she can't see well enough to drive. Got me thinking family should be nearby just in case. I'm not a nurse or caregiver, but having someone close when the unexpected happens is important, especially as you age. It was not a flippant decision; much prayer went into moving. I was sure of the Lord's leading before I left, with no thought of ever going back. The way forward was clear.
In mid-June, my son and I went to see my brother who moved to Tennessee a couple years ago. (Yes, that's a Holden with a Chevy badge he imported from Australia. We were doing backroads burnouts like true hooligans.) Stayed two days, then made the rest of the trip to SWFL in one day, arriving late on a Friday. I will always remember blasting club music on the radio to stay awake. First one in the condo was a gecko hiding by the door jamb. It went upstairs and got lost in my son's room, never to be seen again. Welcome to SWFL!
The job market in Florida is difficult. I applied to over 400 positions, some more than once. Dozens of interviews. Couple false starts, including a county job that made me want to jump off a cliff, if Florida had cliffs. God closed doors, waiting for me to heal. My current job pays more than any in the past, but I am determined to find something better, God willing. I put 10,000 miles on the company car in two months. I dream of owning my own business, but after arriving home after a 15-hour day, my thoughts are only of a shower and bed.
There was a moment when I was riding my bike and felt great peace. There were so many unanswered questions, yet I felt calm, relaxed, as if a great blanket of peace wrapped around me. I can't attribute it to anything but the Lord. I paused and saw a bush that had what looked like plums, so looked them up. They were coco plums — wild plums that grow everywhere here. They are sweet, not sour. You can puree the seeds like a nut butter. Sometimes God tells you to slow down, enjoy the moment, and have a bite to eat. Rest is very important. Being in the moment. Being an imperfect human being with an imperfect life.
My ex bought her house in Nebraska when the market was low and sold high, while the Florida market was crashing, allowing her to get a deal on a condo in SWFL while getting top dollar for her house in Nebraska. She jumped at the chance to move when I brought it up. I gave away my furniture because I didn't want to store it. She ended up the benefactor for nice pieces, including a recliner and loveseat, end tables, and a coffee table. I miss the recliner. Best place to nap.
Depending on who you ask, SWFL is semitropical or tropical. During the summer, there are near-daily rainstorms that last 20 minutes, cooling things off. If you love storms, this THEE place to live. I love falling asleep to the sound of rain. It rarely rains all day and temperatures are usually in the low 90s because of the humidity. Summer here is like summer other places I lived, not including the Black Hills. We even have cicadas, whose song I recognized right away. Lots of little lizards. Big lizards too, like the invasive iguana in the bobcat's mouth above (taken not far from where I live). One day I paused while a chameleon crossed the road. I see alligators frequently.
My son attends a Christian school connected to a church. It's private, so expensive, but he attends under scholarship. He wears a uniform, and classes are small (11 kids in two grades), and there is no government-school indoctrination. Character building and Bible learning are part of the curriculum. It is K-12. When my son started, there was a boy who was bullying him. That boy ended up coming with his siblings to my son’s birthday party. Proof God can change anything. I met the boy’s father, who did the right thing in taking him to task, yet the boy’s behavior is still poor. He needs prayer. His father has him half the time, so there’s only so much he can do. I hope the boy doesn’t get kicked out of school. Funny I thought my son would be the one getting kicked out. At his old school, he stood up for other kids who were being bullied. He does the same in his new school, and not just for others but for himself as well. The fortitude of this child amazes me. I don't know where he got his bravery. I pray he uses it for good.
During summer, the water in the Gulf of Whatever (Mexico, America) is warm. Saltwater has magnesium chloride, so it's better than an Epsom salt bath, and you're grounding, getting UV rays, all good. If you're not into saltwater and sand, you will change your mind. It grows on you, becomes an addiction. I arrive in the morning before the crowds. It's only 20 minutes from where I live. Sometimes I just walk along the beach, dragging my feet in the water, searching for shells.
HOAs are a big deal but are restrictive. One thing you notice about the architecture is even brands like Taco Bell and McDonald's have to adhere to aesthetic standards. Lots of restrained earthtones. I think the restrictions are a reaction to the devil-may-care attitude of so many. So you have kind of the Wild West, then ultra-restrictive, sheltered areas. Strange dichotomy. A manufactured peace in response to the scary world. I think the best response to a chaotic world is to carry peace within, but who wants a monster truck leaking oil parked on the grass next to your $500k condo? Think about the forces that cause people to build walls and gates to keep 99.999% of people out. Those people are tired and want to be left alone to enjoy the fact that you are not going to drive down their street at midnight blaring Bad Bunny. Take your hoopdie somewhere else. HOAs are basically walled cities, as well as re-creations of northern communities: small, safe, quiet. You can still do that an America — make your rules, live your way. As long as you have money.
If you think I moved here for the hunnies, that's wild. Florida is the worst state for dating. Not looking for love, just want peace. There are attractive people. (Women don't miss an opportunity to take off clothes, some wearing basically three little triangles held in place with string.) Many are from Central or South America, even Europe. My son swam with a kid at the beach who was from Ukraine. People who settle on the Gulf side mostly come from the Midwest. On the Atlantic side, many migrate from the East Coast. People like Kai Trump, for whom I applied for full-time stalker position, but was denied by the Secret Service. (I kid; don't taze me, bro.) From where I live, Key West is a five-hour drive. Been there. Party town but has its charm. Worth visiting if you like six-toed Hemingway cats and photo ops. Nice romantic getaway. Beaches aren't the best, but I did watch a memorable sunset.
Driving in Florida. Let me break it down: ain't no speed limit. This was me on the interstate on the drive down. Florida passed a Super Speeder law, curtailing drag racing, but I haven't noticed anyone slowing down. I'm going 80 and getting passed on both sides, on one side a $300k Bentley and on the other a $500 clapped-out Buick Riviera held together with duct tape, both drivers giving me the finger. (Slightly hyperbolic.) Then you immediately get behind grandma going 20 under and have to slam on your brakes. I drive several hours a day for my job, and every single day there are moments when I nearly die. It's that bad. 1/10 — do not recommend. (But I may get my wish to leave this world soon.) Most people are over the age of 65. And traffic increases over the winter with the influx of snowbirds (those who winter down south yet retain a residence up north) and tourists. The lack of traffic when I arrived in June was a surprise because I visited only during winter months, going back to the mid-80s when my family took a trip to Disney World. (Epcot was my favorite.) I've seen the worst driving of my life here, and I can't blame Florida drivers for all of it. It's a lot of out-of-state plates. It's like the Old West. The only rule is don't get caught. It's like everyone has a death wish. Some drivers need someone to stop the car, pull them to the side of the road, and spank them. They literally do everything except what they're supposed to do. One thing I never saw anywhere else is at a stoplight they sometimes leave a car length or three for no apparent reason. Maybe they see cars I can't. I'm tempted to say they leave room for the Holy Ghost.
My observations apply to where I live, not the entire state. It's a massive state, spanning two time zones, and the population is the 3rd highest in the U.S. (roughly doubled over the last 30 years). North Florida is more wooded and wild, has a slower pace, like the rest of of the south. The panhandle is also wild, but people call it Alabama. Emerald Coast beaches are amazing. Still, some of the best beaches are near me. And some of the best shelling. Some people find waves big enough to surf on the Atlantic side. Good luck surfing on the Gulf side, unless a storm is coming. We had a nonexistent hurricane season this year (June 1 - Nov. 30), which was good.
Florida ecosystems are unique. My beach has all the shorebirds and beach creatures, of course, but I also see manatees and rays in the surf and swam with the dolphins once. My son and I wade out until we are on our tiptoes. One day we pulled up 60 live sand dollars, throwing them like ninja stars (don't recommend — bad for the sand dollars). Overall, the beaches have a clean, organic smell, but if there is a lot of sargassum seaweed washing up, it off-gasses as it breaks down. There aren't "agricultural" smells like in Nebraska. There are patches of cows. It's reclaimed swamp land, so sometimes you smell sulphur. You get used to it. This isn't the first time I lived in a reclaimed swamp, as I did time in the Great Black Swamp in Ohio, too.
Above are white ibises, AKA Florida chickens. I'm told they taste better than chicken but are illegal to kill, so do so at your own risk. These were begging for pizza crust. Everywhere you go, it feels like the bushes are watching because they are full of lizards and geckos. We have snakes. Toads and frogs everywhere. Occasionally, a tree frog will climb the lanai. Armadillos are considered pests because they dig (one lives nearby and sometimes lets me say hi before darting into the shrubs). Black bears frequently make the news, running into the surf or stealing sandwiches (called Pub subs — Publix subs) at the beach, or raiding dumpsters on campus. Went to a nature preserve and saw deer and turkey tracks. There are panthers (called cougars or mountain lions elsewhere), as well as large reptiles — alligators (the most plentiful), crocodiles, and caimans in the Everglades, which isn't far away. I’ve been five feet away from a gator in the wild (and have held a captive one). Basically, I live in Jurassic Park.
The first time I came to Florida was in the mid-80s with my family. We flew from S.D. The story goes that when we got above the clouds I asked, "Where is God?" It wasn't my first airplane ride, but a prop plane doesn't compare to a jet. I remember touching down at the Orlando airport and seeing palm trees, when all I knew were pine and river trees like birch and willow. I recall dining in a restaurant that had a giant aquarium featuring things on the menu, like grouper. I had lobster. Ain't no dummy. In the early 90s, my family traveled several times to Clearwater (Sand Key), driving from Nebraska over Christmas break, as my dad's company had a condo on the beach. I remember the pool, opening the sliding-glass doors and hearing the ocean, my first Key Lime pie (purchased in Key West), being buried by my brothers in the sand, the trip my grandma came (scared by my dad's driving) and painted a brown pelican upon her return (didn't take a photo, just remembered), and a girl in a bright-orange bikini. Funny what we remember. Never imagined I would someday move to the land of endless summer.
People joke about "Florida man," who is kind of a mythical wild man. What kind of people live here? Think of the biggest idiot who you knew growing up. What happened to him? Barring drunk-driving accidents, trailer fires, and death by psycho exes, I think he moved to Florida. Like me. I am idiot.
Some peculiarities: the water in Florida is sulfur water, but when treated by reverse osmosis, it's like regular water. Sometimes sulfur water is used for sprinkler systems, but the smell dissipates. All insurance is high in Florida. Driving here is dangerous. We have big storms. You get it. HOAs make life difficult, and fees are high, but they ensure properties retain their value. This area of Florida is geared toward the needs of retired, mostly-white folk who are often absent/unwilling/unable to take care of their properties. I mean, who wants to do lawn work when they are retired? Someone actually got in trouble because they trimmed their bushes. I got an email about it. Bro, sit down and drink your marg by the pool. Your bush-trimming days are over.
Grocery stores. I go to Walmart, sometimes Publix or Aldi. Other offerings are Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, Sprouts, Seed to Table, The Fresh Market, etc., which I will explore. There is a European store nearby, where the owner showed me fresh goat and lamb in his walk-in cooler. If you're from somewhere outside the U.S., you can find a niche here, or create your own.
Florida politics are pretty conservative, reflecting the general older crowd. Florida banned fluorinated drinking water this year, as well as geoengineering and weather modification — things like chemtrails. The AG promotes raw milk. When New York City elected a socialist mayor, real estate agents in Florida noticed an uptick in inquiries. People know this place is freer than most. If you're not down with conservative vibes, I can suggest a few other places to live.
If you want to enjoy the sun setting or rising over the water, it depends on which side of the state you reside. On the east side, you get sunrises over the ocean. On the Gulf side, you get sunsets. If you're on an island somewhere, of which Florida has over 4,500 that are 10 acres or greater, then you can enjoy both. The outdoor recreation and boating scene is amazing. Even if you live miles inland but live on a canal, you can find your way to bigger water.
There is a lot of sunshine, as you would expect from the Sunshine State. But, even during the winter months, sunlight hours are longer than the rest of the U.S., so no seasonal affective disorder. We have lots of water, not just beaches, but springs, lakes, rivers, canals, sloughs, etc. One of my favorite things was an airboat ride in the Everglades. The swamp is about two feet deep, so you can't use a regular boat. It's cool to almost lose your lunch flying through mangrove mazes! Some people take "wet walks," basically hiking through the Everglades, which I'm not brave enough to do. Someone smarter than me would have to guide so I don't even up as gator bait.
I'm an amateur sheller and have a small collection. Florida fighting conchs are abundant, and I like their weight and coloration. If a shell is gray, it was likely buried and deprived of oxygen. I like bright colors but appreciate the journey some shells took, especially fossilized ones. I wrote a couple articles about amateur paleontologist Frank Garcia, who is from this part of the country. One of the stories he said was the best ever written about him. Considering the volume of material written over many decades of his work, that's a compliment. Years later, he requested a special printing because he gives away so many magazines. My work lives on.
Ridiculous things like jacked-up trucks live here. It's not as ridiculous once you realize how many off-roading opportunities exist. Everyone walks around barefoot or in flip-flops, sandals, crocs, etc. The beach and broken shells calloused my feet so I didn't notice I was walking on sand burrs, at one point. Some of the best (and cheapest) tacos are found in gas stations. You get used to it. Women don't wear a lot of clothes. Again, you deal with it. Fitness is a thing because everyone is half-naked. I have no qualms about running around without a shirt, but I also have a decent tan. My tan doesn't compare to the bark of longtime Floridians. That takes years of daily sun exposure. I work too much for that.
We have lots of native wildlife, of course, but the list of invasive species is also long. Things like monitor lizards, chameleons, iguanas, caimans, Cuban tree frogs, cane toad, lionfish, etc. One of the worst is Burmese python, which altered the Everglades ecosystem, so much so there are rewards for culling them. They are spreading north. I suggest a drone war, similar to the Russia-Ukraine war.
Doesn't Florida have bugs? Everywhere has bugs. When I lived in Nebraska, I picked off six ticks in one day, had to battle mosquitoes all summer, had cockroaches in my apartment. Unless you are extremely averse to bugs, you can handle it. Pest control has you covered. Mankind lived with bugs for a long time. You fine, bro. I won't tell you about the scorpions. But can I interest you in flamingos, who are making a comeback in the state? We also have Sandhill cranes, an odd connection to the last place I lived. Some stay year-round. Some just for winter. All will kick your ass.
Does it snow in SoFlo? Rarely. The panhandle, which many don't consider to be a part of Florida (Sorry, panhandlers. Panhandlians?), got snow last winter. Florida is not immune to cold weather. The last time Miami got snow was 1977. Part of the reason I like it here is the heat. It feels therapeutic. If you don't like hot weather, this is not for you. People complain about the weather, no matter where you live. And every building has air conditioning. A/C systems typically last 10 years and are expensive ($10k-15k). They run year-round. Anything below 75 feels cold now. I've gone native. If it gets cold enough, Florida issues falling-iguana alerts because they fall out of trees. Cold-blooded creatures go stiff when it's cold. It's odd to look at winter weather reports — cold, windy, snow, sleet, freezing rain, gray, cars sliding off roads —from places I used to live and realize, "Wow, I don't have to live like that anymore." That's a W.
Got into an argument about the wind. I mentioned it's not windy here. Of course, that's relative. They said it could be. Well, yeah, it can be windy anywhere. But, in Nebraska, three seasons out of four, it's windy. (Summer was rarely.) All day. Every day. The kind of wind that drives a person insane, if you're out in it. Haven't seen anything like that here. Wild to see signs for hurricane evacuation routes. I'm told Floridians stay put. It's odd to see other parts of the country experiencing seasons from my vantage point in the land of endless summer. In the fall, bald cypress trees turn color and lose their needles (why they're bald.) They are deciduous conifers (seems contradictory). So we have an autumn of sorts. I will take summer over all other seasons. It's like time stopped when we moved. The calendar kept turning over, but the weather stayed the same. My whole life was spent in northern states, so it's strange not observing seasonal change. This winter marks the first in 48 years I won’t experience winter weather.
Lots of exotic cars here. There is a McLaren on my block. Lots of AMGs and M-series, plebeian Corvettes, various muscle cars. The ones I like are sleek and sexy, yet powerful, like Porsche (not the SUVs, though — those are hideous). The same man who designed the Volkswagen Beetle also designed the original Porsche. It's one of the few cars that still has a sexy shape. If you're going to bend sheet metal anyway, why not make it attractive? You can tell a lot about a person who has a lot of money, yet still buys an ugly-ass car. Sure, beauty is subjective, but I think we all agree luxury SUVs are designed to enrich a company's bottom line, not make anyone swoon. Some of them are about as appealing as a barf-sicle. Yes, a barf popsicle. I said what I said. Since I regularly discard my car for something different, it's fun to look, but I also don't drive it but once or twice a week (have a company car), so there's no point. It's been good to me, with no issues at 181,000 miles. Toyota strong like bull. Not gonna brag about how it looks, but it's more like a piss-sicle. Got it because I was going to use it for hunting. I guess it works for shell hunting. No, I'm grateful for what I have.
Old Florida beckons. There are vestiges, glimpses, reminders. Not all of Florida is shiny and new. Old tourist traps are my favorite. Hidden gems. Out of the way. Holes in the wall. Where I feel my soul unravel and breathe.
It's tempting to paint my life as better than before. Moving has the allure of change. (Though I did lose weight. And I enjoy riding my son's $1,300 bike (Grandpa bought it) and taking my shirt off in November or going to the beach in December.) Life here is like life anywhere. Challenges and advantages. I am not the same man who stood on the opposite side of this, the man who wondered what he was getting himself into. Tests were passed, lessons learned. Patience won. Understanding attained. The fantasy of moving to a new place looks like this. So much changed since my son and I arrived that Friday night in June. I hadn't a clue what would become of us. And still don't. I will close with this.
If you haven't asked Jesus into your heart, wouldn't you like to? You can say a simple prayer like this: "Lord Jesus, if I've never asked you into my heart before, please come into my heart now and save me from all my sins." If you mean it, He will, and you just started your own adventure with God.
I don't know about tomorrow
I just live from day to day
I don't borrow from the sunshine
For its skies may turn to gray
I don't worry o'er the future
For I know what Jesus said
And today I'll walk beside Him
For He knows what lies ahead
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand
Ev'ry step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter
Ev'ry cloud is silver lined
Well there the sun is always shining
There no tear will dim the eye
At the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains touch the sky
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand
Yes I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand
***
A woman told me a while ago I was the type of man women search for their whole lives but never find. True, I am a rare person (INFJ, the rarest personality), and it may be more than a bit of hyperbole, but it reinforced what I long said, which is some people get it. They see you. You each have similar souls, which is reflected in how they see you. Basically, birds of a feather flock together. If you're rare, expect rare company. Don't worry if not everyone sees you how you are. The ones who see can't unsee. Because they know how rare and beautiful you are. Those who see you as boring or uninteresting are seeing what they bring to the table. We see what we know, which is what is inside of us. Deep calls unto deep. Boring reflects boring. The woman who said those things is rare. She saw her reflection in me. She revealed herself in that statement. Those who see you as special are special. Keep them.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
Comments
Post a Comment