my careless contagion

Perhaps readers wonder what happened over the last year, where I ended up, what life now looks like. Perhaps not. Fair enough.  The last few months looked a lot like this . (It's  a few seconds and says it all.)   Took time for my nervous system to return to baseline. Maybe some say it couldn't have been that bad. Oh, shucks, you're right. It was totally not a big deal. I moved 1,400 miles away and still have nightmares more than a year later. I don't plan on expounding on what happened anymore. My June 13 post, The Naked and Famous — Young Blood , explains, if there is further interest. On this blog, I cut the crap. I acknowledge the unacknowledged. It's not always pretty, but it's real.  I went through all the emotions. Anger. Destabilization.  Unease.   Disassociation. Bewilderment. Hopelessness. Moments of hope, despair, depression, exasperation, wonder, resignation, repeat. Resetting your life isn't easy. Some days, I gave up and took a nap, hoping tom...

This is a goodbye, and a hello. This will likely be my last post containing certain themes. It's not that I haven't let go. It's that some things still affect me. In all these things, my choice was to make things work. It was only with great reluctance that I was made to let go. I approached every relationship with kindness and patience. This isn't about healing. I will heal the rest of my life. Letting go is different. I had to try everything — and fail — first. It's a story that repeated. I was more than intentional. I showed up. I loved, was pushed away, and died over and over. Finally, I let go.  They say if a writer falls in love with you, you never die.  The last thing I remember was her small frame standing in the doorway crying. Fade Into You was playing from the turntable. The blonde girl walking on the dark street was so drunk, but when she saw me standing in the Ohio drizzle that night with nothing but the sodium lights illuminating us, she said something...

It's official. I have a new place. Back on my own again. Or, I will be, as soon as I sign the lease agreement today and then slowly move my things, starting who knows when.  Feeling I hadn't given a proper explanation about the whole scenario, I decided to pen something now that the process is nearly complete.  It was late March of last year when I propositioned my ex with an email that contained more than 30 points of consideration. The gist of it was I suggested allowing me to move into her house that she rented outside our old town in South Dakota. I offered to help with rent in exchange for allowing me some space of my own (the attic room where my TV, computer, and desk would sit and my bed would be in my son's room). The idea was we would save money for a future move, a move that would see us moving as one unit for the stability of all. I was mainly concerned about how our son would handle the move. I imagined buying a house was the way to go because it would finally g...