my careless contagion

Perhaps readers wonder what happened over the last year, where I ended up, what life now looks like. Perhaps not. Fair enough.  The last few months looked a lot like this . (It's  a few seconds and says it all.)   Took time for my nervous system to return to baseline. Maybe some say it couldn't have been that bad. Oh, shucks, you're right. It was totally not a big deal. I moved 1,400 miles away and still have nightmares more than a year later. I don't plan on expounding on what happened anymore. My June 13 post, The Naked and Famous — Young Blood , explains, if there is further interest. On this blog, I cut the crap. I acknowledge the unacknowledged. It's not always pretty, but it's real.  I went through all the emotions. Anger. Destabilization.  Unease.   Disassociation. Bewilderment. Hopelessness. Moments of hope, despair, depression, exasperation, wonder, resignation, repeat. Resetting your life isn't easy. Some days, I gave up and took a nap, hoping tom...

Can we try? Can we wade into this together, holding on to one another? This is such a beautiful thing. Please don't worry. Let's enjoy the journey. We don't have to see the whole way. We can trade knowing the future for knowing we're in this together. You and me and yours and mine. Let's do it. Let this thing we don't know what to do with grow from uncertainty to something we can't imagine living without. Please take my hand. I don't want to do this with anyone else.  This thing. It grows. It can take over our hearts silently. We wake and feel something undeniable blossoming within. Let's do this together and call it what we want. No one says it has to look a certain way or progress along a certain path. It's ours. We can take our time. We can press pause. We can jump ahead. Just as long as we do it together. We can meet. Talk. Lay in silence, you in my arms, and me keeping time to the sound of your gentle breathing and the sweet rhythm of your h...

I talked to the girl I love for a couple of hours yesterday. I love her dearly. It's impossible to express how much. One thing that became apparent years ago after she came back into my life (more than six years now) was how much she went through. The evidence was there. One of the first things she told me was she felt like a doormat. And then it was revealed she was neglected, abused, and cheated on. My heart went out to her because I endured much the same. I really hope she doesn't see this post in a negative light. It is a love letter of a different sort. I want her to know I will always be there for her and will do everything I can to protect her heart.  I don't know how deep the wounds go. Something tells me she put on a cheerful front for so long she doesn't even know. She is so used to distrusting she has to fight through her protective mechanisms and inclination to see my words and actions in a negative light. I pray to see her blossom and realize intimacy with ...

Waiting. Sometimes it drives us nuts. Sometimes it produces fruit like patience. Sometimes it does both. Hey, I'm not where I want to be in life, but I'm positive I am where God wants me to be at the moment.  Today, I said yes to a job (no start date yet, but the paperwork begins). There was no logical reason why I hadn't been able to get a job until now except God said it wasn't time. Yesterday it felt like the health problems making me feel incredibly tired and ill evaporated. I now know the cause of that feeling (low-level carbon monoxide poisoning). I wouldn't have been able to work very well in that condition. God's timing is not always our timing, but it is the best timing. This is an incredible load off my mind. All of that. Yes, when you ask God for something good, you will get it. But you may not get it right away. And there are reasons for that. I'm sorry it took me 44 years to learn that. I have to be okay with whatever God does. It is the best wa...