The blossoming
This thing. It grows. It can take over our hearts silently. We wake and feel something undeniable blossoming within. Let's do this together and call it what we want. No one says it has to look a certain way or progress along a certain path. It's ours. We can take our time. We can press pause. We can jump ahead. Just as long as we do it together. We can meet. Talk. Lay in silence, you in my arms, and me keeping time to the sound of your gentle breathing and the sweet rhythm of your heart.
This is not what was. This is new. This man won't leave you, neglect you, abandon you, betray you. Imagine being with someone who doesn't want anything from you. Just to love and support you and make you laugh. For the rest of his life. Please see this man is different. Unlearn what must be unlearned. His words don't criticize or pass judgment. Pause when you wonder what something he said meant. Why would this man who loves you so dearly ever knowingly say something hurtful or irritating? What could that possibly gain? He's kind. He's playful. He loves you dearly. All he wants is to see your smile. Hear your voice. Cuddle you close. This man would move mountains for you. He would do things for you he would never do for himself. Things will be different this time. Because his heart is different. This is not what happened in the past. Learn to trust. Learn to open yourself. Be vulnerable. See that it will be okay. This man will give and not take. This man loves you like his own flesh. Rest knowing how much he cares for your big, beautiful heart. Know he won't ever knowingly hurt you. See how he loves you? He's older now. Calmer, quieter, and wiser. His heart yearns for you in a quiet way. He admires you more than you'll ever know. Some things he can't say out loud. Some things you'll see in his eyes. But it's all right in front of you. Waiting for you. You give me you. You don't have to be anything or give anything other than you. That's what I want.
You can tell anything to this man. Whatever is in your heart and mind. He won't mind at all, even if he doesn't understand. He's always open to you. Always holding out a hand. Always willing to walk with you, talk with you, pray with you, spend silent moments with you, just anything with you. Be who you are. He loves and accepts you. Do as you please. A man who truly loves a woman won't have an interest in changing her. He just wants to love you, and he wants you to feel free with him. Do what you want. Say what you want. Feel what you want. The old rules don't apply. This man wants you to be you. Whatever that is. That's what he fell in love with, and that's what he wants to see. The real you. Will you give him the real you? That's all he wants.
We can be tired and still hold one another. We can be spent and still care. We can have concerns and still trust. If one can't make it the whole way, the other will make up the difference. When one is cold, the other offers warmth. When one is tired, well, they should go to sleep. Haha.
This tender growth, this budding thing, I will protect. I will treat it gently and lovingly. There is something between us, and it's growing. Slowly. It needs care and nurturing. It needs time and attention.
The comfort and ease with one another grows. The excitement is crouched in worry at first, but worry fades. Trust is established over time. A heart that has been hurt horribly in the past finds its way more carefully, as if it is blindfolded. Reach out for me. I won't lead you astray. I see the dangers. I'll help us navigate, for I am led this way too. Soon you'll see. Soon you'll feel confidence in this man who loves you and takes your hand gently, lovingly.
With prayer I care for us and all those who feed into our lives. What beauty is springing forth from this humble moment? It's hard to know in the season of blossoming. Only God knows. I pray He watches over and blesses this season.
***
Wrote this last year. I think it's nice. I don't know what kind of season I'm in, but I want it to be this. Yes, I intend to wait for her, but I think something beautiful is happening between us in the meantime. I quite enjoy her and whatever this thing is.
I wrote a lot of things about me and the girl in the last few months, some of which I almost immediately deleted. She caught me posting one, which I planned to delete when I got home from church. I didn't want her to think I was trying to push her to be with me so deleted them. She's very special to me, and I don't want to jeopardize what may happen between us in the future by being too pushy now. I intend to wait. After what she's been through, I know trust doesn't come easily. She was hurt far more than I know, but I know being with me is a game-changer. She doesn't have any basis of understanding for being with a good, godly man who will love, support, minister to her, and let her be free to be who she is. But, she can investigate without pressure. (I'm trying so hard not to pressure her, but I also realize her walls won't come down unless I try. She has to have a good reason to leave her fortifications.) She has the freedom to come and go as she pleases in my life. My door is always open to her. She can push back if she feels it's necessary. She can race ahead if she wants. She's safe with me, so there is no right or wrong way to be with me. Her heart needs to know these things in its own time. I feel confident promising her everything in my heart. It's up to her to give me a chance and to let me in. She doesn't see this as a good time to begin something serious, but it warms my heart knowing she is trying to have something with me in the meantime. We'll be okay.
I feel something needs to be said about boundaries. Since I don't want to jeopardize what Cindy and I may have someday, it occurs to me we should probably talk about this. I want her to feel safe and respected with me. But, when a boundary is no longer needed, do I let her simply bypass it or is that a conversation? My boundaries are different from hers, but I want us to be on the same page. Should I push back if she tries to bypass a boundary we agreed upon? Do we even need to talk about this at all? Am I overthinking? Boundaries are about respect. I want her to be able to trust me. I'm in this for the long haul and don't want to make a mistake because I did something innocent in my mind but with momentary motivations. I don't want to jump the gun or whatever she may think. I want her to know I love and desire her, though. But, I don't want her to think I'm disrespecting her because I'm misreading something. I love her way too much to screw this up. I'm not the smartest guy in the world. I need help.
Trying to think of something else to write about. Send a message if you'd like me to write about something!
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
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