Never Gonna Give You Up (Rick Astley)
Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley is forever ensconced in pop-culture for a number of reasons. It's a simp anthem. It's infinitely meme-able. It's white people acting white. It's catchy. It's relatable. It's some impressively well-styled ginger hair. And the song is impossible to hate!
Go ahead and watch! The manly voice and boyish face are a cartoonish mismatch. This song came out in 1987 (Rick was 21), but it remains a part of popular culture. Kids today would probably pronounce it "cringe," but that's okay. There is a difference between good cringe and bad cringe. This is good cringe. Feel free to indulge. My favorite part of the video is the barkeeper. He really enjoys it when the goofy, white folks are getting down and can't help but show off.
This song is basically an auditory version of this blog. Pause and consider the lyrics. Haven't I said all of those things a million times? Is this blog good cringe or bad cringe? Admittedly, it's both, but I should recuse myself from rating the mechanics of my own heart and mind. What started out as a sort of self-therapy session after divorce turned into a longhand (and longwinded) love letter. Which proves love can spring out of even a heart maimed and mutilated by pain.
It's been almost a year that Cindy and I started seeing one another. Something of note is we've not had a single heated argument I can recall. Years in the past, I tried to get her to fight me in an effort to disconnect from my feelings for her (my reasoning was I hoped she would say something mean enough that I would be hurt enough to perhaps begin to move on, which didn't work), but she didn't oblige. I didn't call her names or anything. And my efforts to elicit an angry response were futile. She is a class act. She had no desire to fight me, which is easier to understand when one considers the proximity of love and hate, passion and disgust, etc. It's easy to flip the switch from one to the other if both exist. If one doesn't exist, then the other is hard to come by. Over the last year, she decided to go the route of friendship, and she's been a very good friend. It made me realize just how true the old way of seeing relationships is. That is, a man and a woman can simply decide to be in a relationship and set the boundaries early and that's that. That's how it was done in the old days. I guess it still works.
Everyone knows I tried everything to get the girl of my dreams. I'm satisfied by the fact I was allowed to try everything, even though I failed. I basically asked her to try to fall in love with me, and she did try. (And we still are trying. I believe we'll be successful moving forward in time. Our main challenge seems to be seeing each other more.) She saw me more as a friend, and I took that as a compliment. Time will tell if she can convince herself to fall in love with me or if this is all we get. If this is all we get, I'm sure God has something even better for us. I'm not the most compelling love interest, I admit. I'm just a guy, but a guy who loves her. Something I realized is she has little understanding of how a man like me functions. Never met her ex, but I believe he's a narcissistic abuser and serial cheater, and those two things go hand in hand. A narcissist has in their past something that caused them to become overly entitled but also severely handicapped inside. The entitlement means everyone around them serves their needs (and the external image they constructed of their lives). If we place our happiness in the hands of others, we will never be happy, so the narcissist is very unhappy below the surface. Which explains why they live for superficial validation. They can never go beneath the surface, which is where their vast collection of shame lies. And they also believe they are a victim because of that childhood wound and entitlement. Addictions are common with narcissists, as they are empty inside (because they take meaning and energy from those around them, producing nothing themselves). Someone once said addictions are our way of saving ourselves from something. (Basically putting an addiction in place of God.) Find out what that something is and you'll understand a lot more about yourself (and how to defeat the addiction). For a narcissist, life is often boredom. Self-aware narcissists say it's like being in a doctor's waiting room for years. You read all the magazines. You watched the news. You talked to everyone. You don't have a phone to sate boredom. You just have your big, empty self. Now, that sounds pretty much like hell to me. And I think Cindy found out I'm not what she's used to. Which was my point in relaying that. She has little experience relating to a normal, decent man (if I am indeed that, because I know I also think outside the box constantly, so I'm not exactly "normal"). And she hasn't found a way to fall in love with him, either. Call me Rick Astley, crooning for her love. For his age, the man still has good hair. I guess we're different in that regard. Maybe I need some styling products. But I digress.
This song will make you smile, no matter your mood. No matter where you are or what you're doing. Just imagine him singing to you. It's just pure and wholesome and lovable. Thanks, Rick Astley, for giving us a good one. Sorry for all the memes. It just means we love you.
***
About Cindy's ex. I don't mean to be ruthless, if that's how I come off. The man has so many good qualities. Simply wanted to explain why I believe Cindy has a hard time understanding me. Her ex exceeds me in just about every way. She chose him for many good reasons. I simply don't measure up in a lot of ways, and will leave it at that. I'm not trying to position myself to compete with him or his legacy. I would fail, if that was my aim. I'm not trying to be anything to his children either. I can't compete with their father. I am simply extra (love, acceptance, support, care, prayers, guidance, or whatever they allow, which hasn't been a whole lot) in their lives. I just want to live my life to the fullest. And I love their mother. Who also doesn't need anything from me. I can't compete with God or family or kids or what she had in the past. I'm there if she wants me, and I have been allowed in a small measure. I don't know what God will do with my feelings for her, but I gave them to Him. If the whole thing ends tomorrow, I will be okay because it wasn't my doing. (That's not what I want, and it would make me sad, but I left it all in God's hands.) How things played out with us wasn't how I planned and isn't how I typically behave in a relationship. We had many serious conversations, which I tend to shy away from. My goal was open communication, which was achieved. I normally joke around, play, and be irreverent and silly, but I haven't been that way. Not acting like myself is a bit worrisome. Or maybe this is just how I am now. I don't seem to make jokes as much as I used to in other situations, either. Maybe that's the cost of being an adult. Just a bump on a log now. Speculating now, so it's time to wrap up. Hope everyone is enjoying their fall or whatever the season is where you are. I pray you feel blessed. I sure do. Amen.
Not much to relate about my life. Been playing catch with the neighborhood kids a lot. My son never wanted to play catch with me when he was younger, and suddenly he's into it, so we do it as much as possible. But, I will play catch or play anything with any kid. It's always fun. Except my son's friend who wants to play dragons. I don't know how to play dragons. Sorry.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
Christian blog: a-better-hope.blogspot.com
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