Holiday Road (Lindsey Buckingham)
Holiday Road is synonymous with the National Lampoon movies, as it was was created for the original film's soundtrack and ended up on the rest. I recall watching the original couple movies as a kid. They were a bit raunchy, but I'm sure some of that was edited out, as we watched on network TV. I wouldn't let my kid watch them today. How times change.
No one cared what we did back then. Maybe should just speak for myself. Did anyone even know what we were doing? Generation X is sort of the lost generation, sons and daughters of Baby Boomers who were busy enjoying their lives and ignoring the fact they had kids. I was a latch-key kid, independent and resourceful. As I got older, I realized I missed out on a lot by being raised that way. How would I have turned out had I had a loving, tight family instead of being raised by wolves?
It's not that my family didn't love me, it's just that they erased that love with their harsh words and behavior. I am a strong person, as I've been told, because I went through so much. A brutal childhood. A meager adulthood. Infidelity and subsequent divorce. Hard years waiting for love to find me. Starting over many times. My whole life was a search for love, which I never found, except in my God.
Backing up. This song is fun. Lindsey Buckingham (of Fleetwood Mac fame) was commissioned to write it for National Lampoon's first film in 1983 (when I was 6 years old). I didn't intend to write about Fleetwood Mac twice on this blog, but I wrote about far stranger things, so whatever. The lyrics are simple and sparse, and the video tells a story of escape (daydreaming of a jungle vacation?) for an office drone. The mood is somber and austere in the office, but freedom beckons. That was the 80s for a lot of people. Chasing after wealth has a way of draining love and joy out of life. My parents ended up well off, though they both grew up poor. (Did you know if you make more than $32,000/year, according to Jordan Peterson, you're in the top 1% globally?) The race to make money was passed down to their children, but I knew all the money in the world wouldn't do me any good if no one loved me, so I daydreamed of finding love. I believed life would be more meaningful, more colorful, and more worth living if that was the case. Someone to share this short journey with didn't seem like too much to ask. A love that would make all the pain and trouble somehow worthwhile. (God's love qualifies.) It would have been incredibly healing to be surrounded by the warmth and love of a good woman and our children. So, naturally, I got neither money nor love. Little did I know, women want a successful man (women love gifts and to be taken care of materialistically), and love can be bought in today's market. Should have gone for the money. I'm not poor. I have money in the bank and some investment accounts. I didn't understand the greed of the 80s. I knew profits came from somewhere, and it was most likely taken from those who had the least and was given to those who had the most. The irony is no one ever gets to keep what they stockpile once they pass from this life, unless they send treasures to heaven of a different sort. There are going to be a lot of rich folk in heaven who were nobodies in this world. (Jesus commenting on those giving offerings at the temple explains a lot.) That was a bit of a diatribe. I can say a lot about my childhood, but that's not the point of this post.
I used to believe everyone was in a relationship for love. I came to see many are not even remotely in love. They made a commitment. That's the glue that keeps couples together. I recall watching a documentary about Western men finding love (err, relationships) abroad and one of the Ukrainian girls who married a man from Texas said what they both had in common (a good subject, considering their disparate backgrounds) was pragmatism. She was younger than him. He was trending toward middle age and had a good blue-collar job but no family. They got married and had a family. The man's mother said their relationship "saved" him. It gave him a reason to go out and work every day. She got a man who treated her well. (Ukrainians have one of the highest rates of domestic violence.) They both got a family and future, though they both gave up things. She moved across the world, leaving her family. He wasn't a bachelor anymore. Small losses compared to the gain they achieved together. Was he the best man she could find? Was she the best girl he could find? Pragmatic people don't think that way. They want to know if what they have and what they're getting works, and it did for them. Every relationship has an embedded exchange. If it makes sense to both, and if the exchange is fair, it's easy enough to make happen. People think love has to happen to them. I thought that. It doesn't. Love is created by two people in agreement who work toward a common goal. A lot of women took themselves out of the dating market because their standards are insanely out of bounds and also have a perverse sense of entitlement. There is a lot of speculation as to why that happens. If they ever get married, they "marry down" or "settle." We also have men who gave up because the market doesn't offer what they want (loyalty, down-to earth, pure). Overwhelmingly, Western women lack pragmatism and an understanding of the consequences of their behavior. The only men they're interested in are the top 10%, and those men are not interested in relationships. Just the fun stuff. So, both men and women are disaffected by the dating scene. What they all need is a healthy dose of pragmatism. A wake-up call, so to speak. If a girl from Ukraine and a guy from Texas can figure this thing out, why can't the rest of us? Moving on.
Road trips are a reminder we are not meant to work our lives away. Work enables us to live our lives. It funds our fun. Retirement age keeps going up, and retirement age is less than 10 years away from death for most people. My parents didn't retire until they were 75 years old, and then my dad had a heart attack and surgery a short time later. This is common, as I don't think men who worked their whole lives know how to not work. It's incredibly stressful to not have a job suddenly. Our worth is tied up in what we provide, and that is tied to us going out and doing something. As a result, many men who retire have some sort of medical incident shortly after, with many perishing. The key is to find meaningful work, and not just work for the sake of work, because men are built to work. But who wants to do something they don't enjoy their whole lives? They say if you do what you love, you'll never work a day of your life. An exaggeration, but still holds water. Maybe I should be a dog walker. Or a guy who plays catch with kids. I would love to take part in God's great ministry. Maybe all of the above. I know, God lends meaning to everything in our lives when we follow Him. That's what I'm doing. Doing my best and taking it day by day. Hoping to make it to the next holiday road.
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I wrote the following on this date in 2018. I still feel the same way, which is a miracle of sorts, when you think about it. Love attenuates like everything else. Why am I revisiting this post? Because ...
Today is her birthday.
I wish I was there to pull back the covers from her sleepy head and kiss her tired cheeks and neck good morning. I'd whisper a "happy birthday" before the day even began.
It makes me smile to think of her enjoying her birthday, surrounded by her kids, maybe a family visit or well-wishes, too. And lots of friends wishing her a happy day.
It's Sunday, so I hope she sleeps in. I'd love to sleep in with her and wake to a lazy day full of stuff like a late breakfast, some sports on tv, maybe a brisk walk around the neighborhood or to the park and a hurry-home jaunt home to brace ourselves from the cold with hot chocolate.
I'd love to hold her on the couch with me, sit her on my lap, enjoy her lazy-day-crazy hair and just be.
All of this could have been. She could have been mine. Our children could cuddle with us, piled on haphazardly in perfect unity, love, and devotion. My heart races when I think of us like that. My mind can scarcely contain itself. We could have been the perfect family.
It's her birthday and I want to touch her skin, caress her, move her body close to mine, and then my arms would swallow her with perfect security. I want her to know she's mine, and I won't go anywhere. I want to spend this day with her and do everything she loves. I'll even contemplate taking a nap with her if she wants.
When the day is spent and we've had our fun, we'll lay together on the bed and stare at the texture of the ceiling and talk about all the birthdays we've spent together and how the kids are growing so fast and I'll turn and look at her and she'll see it. She'll see the love I have for her leaking from my eyes.
Today is her birthday. I wish I was there with her. I wish she had never left my life. I wish I was holding her hand as she falls asleep tonight.
Happy birthday, sweet girl.
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Thank you for reading. And God bless.
Christian blog: a-better-hope.blogspot.com
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