Notes on the death of a dear one
About a week ago, my dear Inky left us. She was the only pet I called my own except for a turtle (Scooter) I had when I was growing up. He disappeared under mysterious circumstances. One of my brothers later admitted he dispatched poor Scooter. I never understood his cruelty, and I feel there is a family-line curse of cruelty. All the men in my family and even some of the women have that trait, though it manifests often when they don't realize it. Which is worse, when you think of it. I tried to expunge myself of that trait over the years. Only God knows if I was successful.
Haven't had good luck with pets. And it's always sad when they leave. So, that explains my reluctance to get a dog or something. A dog would be the best bet, as I hear they are man's best friend. And I could sure use a friend.
Back to Inky. There were a few things I wanted to talk about regarding her passing. I felt God answered my prayers about the timing of her passing. I left it in His hands instead of trying to eek out a few more weeks with my beloved cat suffering. It could not have been better timing, in my humble opinion. She didn't suffer much, though I know cats are stoic about pain. She was immobile roughly three days. The photo above was taken on the Friday of my son's birthday, which was two days before she passed.
I told her I loved her that day. And released her if she had to go. And she could go to sleep if she had to. I mention that because sometimes when we don't release someone from our lives when it's time for them to go, it causes more pain and suffering for both parties. Unnecessary pain. It's true for people as well as pets, of course. I believe sometimes we can hold a loved one here with our will because, in their waning moments, our will is stronger than theirs. They don't want to leave, but they have to. We can easily overpower another being just by insisting on having our way. I would have loved to see Inky rebound once again and continue living for a few more years, but it was clear she had to go. That's true of all relationships. When they have to go, let them. It just hurts everyone more in the long run if we don't.
It doesn't feel good to let an animal pass, especially when they've been around so many years. Inky was almost 18 years old. When she came home the first night, I worked late and she was clearly not bonding with the other cats so I sat her on my knee and told her she would love me. She bonded with me that night and stayed that way, often waiting by the window each night until I got home. She heard the downshift of my car as I rounded the last corner and pulled into the driveway. Once she heard that, she got excited and ran to the door to greet me. What a joy she was. She would jump into the air, catch a fly in her mouth, and eat it. She would do the same trick with popcorn, which was her favorite. She had no trouble climbing the backyard fence and going on little excursions. She never went far, of course. She knew where home was.
I felt bad having to give her up for a time, but divorce causes a lot of collateral damage. She came back into my life in a sort of way not too long ago. It was good to see things come full circle. It's true, we can place our will on others. We can make them love us sometimes. We can hold them here when they have to leave. We can muscle others around with our will. But it's wisdom that says when they need to go, let them.
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My parents visited over the weekend of my son's birthday. I felt God reminded me of what I escaped two years ago when I moved here. The reasons for my unassailable depression were many, and my parents where part of that equation. (I don't hate them or anything, but also don't feel the need to have them in my life. Refer to opening paragraph.) I don't need to see them anymore, not unless I have to. And, I guess I do, as I'm plant-sitting for my mother. How many plants? More than I know what to do with. There's even celery and pineapple plants. Do I know anything about them? No. After my parents left, I decided I had to do everything in my power to move my life forward. If it made any difference, I would move farther away from them, but it doesn't; they have an RV now. My point in bringing this up is even though it was hard to reboot my life here, there were many necessary reasons I had to carry through, and it was clear God opened the door, though I didn't get it at the time. I did more growing and healing since then than I can recount. Praise God for all of it. It was a miracle. I can't wait to see what else He does in the future. Amen?
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
Christian blog: a-better-hope.blogspot.com
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