my careless contagion

First, thank you to the Lord for everything that happened this year. God uses everything, even the worst. Learned things. Feel different. More stable. And doing well, even feel mostly healed. Didn't do anything special except waited on God. I have zero ill will for anyone, including myself. Just thankful for blessings and enjoying life (I work outside, so sometimes the weather makes it hard, but a hot bath at the end of the day makes up for it). Looking forward. Making plans, God willing. Staying out of trouble. I know, boring. For anyone who prayed for me, thank you. If you didn’t, well, at least you didn’t pray against me. 😊  Now, the question of the unsent letters to the woman’s ex and kids. I did due diligence to pray, fast, and listen to the Lord.  Based on the information I have, looking at it carefully and logically, the conclusion was I was not to blame for the separation or divorce of the woman I was involved with. She made those decisions independently and for ...

Leave it to me to have further thoughts and no one with whom to share. Until I have a reliable confidante, I will dump here.  Been listening to podcasts and sermons lately on my walks and during work. Interesting one from Derek Prince about the fear of the Lord . He stated that what we fear is our god. It could be anything. I looked inside and realized my personality is designed to protect my wounds, and being wounded was the thing I feared the most, as evidenced by what happened two months ago. I was like Job with the thing he greatly feared.  So much energy was directed at protecting myself I often neglected to follow through with normal Christian behavior, loving those around me, giving of myself, dying to self, etc. Given this revelation, it is sinful to act or react based on the needs of my wound or trauma. That means my recent reaction was sinful. It was an ugly realization, and I prayed God would change my personality if necessary. I also apologize to the one I hurt. I ...

This song doesn't get enough credit, nor does the singer. Michelle Branch is still popular and produces new material. Her personal life is a subject of interest, as she was married to a man many (actually, just me) considered a handler of sorts. It was an odd relationship. She got divorced and married a different man, at one point accusing him of infidelity and slapping him during an argument, ending with her being charged with domestic assault. I'm sorry, but a woman slapping a man because he may or may not have cheated on her? Drop those charges, bro. That's not domestic assault. That little girl couldn't assault an avocado. You're a weenie. But, anyway.  This song was released in early 2002 during a period when music like this was still popular. It almost has a 90s-song feel, which I like. It has angst, good production, some visual effects, and a pretty girl who can actually sing. The song is important because of the subject matter, which involves a couple in a r...

I was at the YMCA when the inspiration for this post landed in my lap. Literally. In the form of a ping pong ball. My son finished soccer camp that day and had swimming lessons that night. And the Y was having a bash of sorts. There was a guy in a jackalope suit (or something like that) and lots of college kids milling about. Free food! My son had the largest hot dog I've ever seen, and I had the pulled pork (which seemed to upset my stomach, but everything does these days). We were chilling out, eating, when the kids playing ping pong started to catch my eye. The boy was dressed in his baseball uniform and was hitting the ball way too hard, sending it across the room several times (and many times where we sat). The girl was having a ball and was so pretty with her big smile and even bigger curly hair. And then he hit her in the face with the ball. She was silent (the unfortunate among us know that silence) and then she threw down her paddle and grabbed the ball and threw it at him...

It's official. I have a new place. Back on my own again. Or, I will be, as soon as I sign the lease agreement today and then slowly move my things, starting who knows when.  Feeling I hadn't given a proper explanation about the whole scenario, I decided to pen something now that the process is nearly complete.  It was late March of last year when I propositioned my ex with an email that contained more than 30 points of consideration. The gist of it was I suggested allowing me to move into her house that she rented outside our old town in South Dakota. I offered to help with rent in exchange for allowing me some space of my own (the attic room where my TV, computer, and desk would sit and my bed would be in my son's room). The idea was we would save money for a future move, a move that would see us moving as one unit for the stability of all. I was mainly concerned about how our son would handle the move. I imagined buying a house was the way to go because it would finally g...

I wrote this a bit ago. Not sure when. It’s weakly written but heartfelt. I’m not the most eloquent writer, but God gave me a gift to express my heart. To write about a woman who came back into my life 5 years ago and left four and a half years ago may seem silly to some, but they don’t see my heart like God does.  I feel the need to explain my long-running affection for a woman. I know she’s gone. Trust me, I know. But phooey on that. I still think she’s the best thing since sliced butter. Or diced bread. Or buttered bread. Whatever. She’s the bee’s knees. A godly woman like no other. The virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31. Until someone else comes along to praise her, I will. I imagine someone will be along any day. I don’t have much time. So here goes.  If someone left your life years ago, but you still praise them, they are truly something special. What I intend to do in this post is explain to anyone who doesn't get it what I find so special about her. I will compare...

Hey, welcome back. This post makes some generalizations  (which is always fun and probably wrong)  about my new town, Kearney, Nebraska. This may be part one of a multi-part series. Or not.  It is interesting to move to a new place because you take your old assumptions and past experiences with you. You apply those to the new place. Your mind is constantly comparing and contrasting. For a while. And then you are home and you like your new place (and I do like my new place). In fact, I haven't wanted to go back from whence I came. When I left, I took a short hike by myself as I often did. It was cold, as I recall, and two gray jays (also known as camp robbers) were keeping a close eye on me, swooping from one tree to another and following me along the trail. As I reached the end of the trail, I knew it would likely be my last time hiking there. I told those watchful jays that I likely wouldn't be back so to "take care of the place." And that was it.  These are not jud...