The man who should have been

This may be the hardest thing she's ever been through. This thing I've helped set in motion has unfairly impacted her and her little ones. This thing ... is just another trauma in a string of unsettling, traumatizing events. She's shielded her little ones from his actions. But, she couldn't shield them from mine. No, I've not been the one to heal her. But, I pray for him, whoever he is. This is my prayer.

I pray you're a man after God's own heart. You'll need to be. You'll need to be selfless and strong in something other than yourself, something other than those around you. You'll have to be strong in the Lord. There will be times you'll feel slighted, rejected, left out, unable to make progress. Put yourself aside. You'll have to trust God because you can't give in to discouragement. You'll have to be more than a man, and I'm sure you will be.

I pray you have a healing touch, for this woman has been abused (there's no other word for it) by her last man, a man who should have loved her selflessly. He was selfish with her, took from her without giving back. He used her. He made her cry in and out of bed. His touch wasn't always hurtful, but those times it was bored into her and made her distrustful. Your touch must be healing, sir, whoever you are. You'll have to help her trust again. It's possible she'll never completely heal, but you must go with her to the edge of her pain, follow her through the awful, driving rain of doubt and fear and into a new place — a new place for the two of you. If you touch her one time and it reminds her of her last man, you've failed. Most likely you'll fail, but she'll forgive you. I pray you won't fail. There will be times when you take two steps forward and three steps back. Don't give up. The reversions lead to progress.

I pray you protect her heart. It was left raw and open by the savages of a man who cheated on her in his heart and with his body. You don't know what that is like, sir; you don't know what this did to her. There will be times when she reacts with precision and malice to you, but she doesn't hate you. It's just the legacy of her unprotected heart. It's just the cold memory of all those lonely nights wondering where her husband was and who he was with. That anger belongs to him, but she'll stick it to you. You'll need your big-boy pants for this. It won't be fair, but, then again, it wasn't fair what she went through either.

I pray you honor her as a child of God, and as a unique woman with a beautiful heart. She's made of something I've never seen. You'll see it, too. It will take your breath away. She won't let you in all the way at first, but when she does (and she will), your world will never be the same. You'll see why she has locked so many rooms and blocked so many corridors. What's there is unlike anything anywhere else. She's a one-of-a-kind creation, and as she reveals herself to you slowly, you'll see just how special she is. The hard work of creating trust with her will be worth every panicky moment, every exasperated sigh, every misunderstanding, every letdown, and every moment of doubt. You'll see, just like I do, she's worth every difficult mile, for she is the sparkle of every precious stone. She's the end of your favorite story. She's the last step of a difficult journey home. For you — the one who loves her — she's everything.

I pray you have a heart for her children on par with her heart for them, as that's what they deserve. And that's what they need. You will be tasked with repairing destruction and upheaval that wasn't your making. It's not fair, and you'll feel angry sometimes, but you'll be patient and will see the reward of your labor in time. Her children are beautiful like she is, unique creatures who need you to protect them, help them, feed them the Word, and love them unconditionally. You'll feel like a fifth wheel most of the time, but you are a good man. They will see you are a good man. Slowly they will trust you, for they will see God working in you.

I pray you realize just how special this woman is, how special her children are, and how special it is she's invited you in. It's not a perfect situation for any of them, and to ask a man to deal with that, well, she must think the world of you. Remember, God has given you what you need to fill this role. You will make mistakes, I know, but through those mistakes you'll reveal God's grace and purpose. 

Most of all, I pray you stay. Once you begin, you cannot walk away, as you'd cause more damage than if you never existed. Stay in their hearts and minds. Stay in their lives. Be there. Be present. Be you. 

You won't be afraid. You won't hesitate, as you see the great value in what God is doing. There will be moments of self-doubt as you lose sight of your Lord, but you'll come back to Him. Even when things don't make sense, even when things tumble out of control, even when you are discouraged, you won't quit. I know you won't because I have prayed you won't. 

You are an incredible man uniquely suited for this task. You are not me, though I wish you were. You are someone I'll never meet, as I must do my part, too, to protect their hearts and minds. I must stay away, as that's my only part to play. Oh, and I will pray. God bless you, man-I'll-never-know. You're the man who should have been. I pray you love them a little for me. I wish I could be there. I wish I could see the changes, the way trust comes alive again. I wish I could see what things come of this for just a moment. It would make my heart glad, for you've found your way home. And she's found the perfect heart for her.