my careless contagion

  Cindy, Please come back into my life. I miss you and don't want to experience another day without you. I come to you in all humility and sincerity. Do with me what you will. I am in love with every part of you, even the parts no one else sees. Or, perhaps, because no one else sees. You are a woman beyond even my stratospheric dreams. You are the best mother I've ever seen. You hide things in your heart and think no one else knows. But I know. Your heart is too big to conceal. Your love is bigger than any obstacle. I wish you could tell me how to be with you, how to approach you, how to talk to you, love you, look at you. With a woman like you, there is no instruction manual. You are off the charts amazing, and I am dumbfounded by how to even approach you.  It feels like I'm drowning when you're not here. I've been drowning for a long time. I want to hold you, feel you, take your warmth as my own. I have starved without you, without your w...

In my mind's eye, I can see us there still, at Reservoir Hill, you in my arms and I wishing us right out of that town. Why didn't I kiss you there or unhook your bra strap or put a hand up your shirt or tell you anything — ANYTHING — that was in my thoughts about us. Why did it have to be me telling you too late and you had already gone away and I was moping my way to some other girl? Sometimes, my dear, I can make it all right if I think about it all night, if I make my brain hurt and my heart flutter and my eyes water a little too. Somehow, I can make myself appear there again with you. If I could only go back, take your hand, and show you my heart. I wouldn't be sitting here wondering about you. I'd know everything. I know you would have given me your heart and your hand and everything you could think of. I'd know you inside and out. If only I could retrace my steps all the way back to you and that hill. If I hadn't thought you were only kidding when you...

This may be the hardest thing she's ever been through. This thing I've helped set in motion has unfairly impacted her and her little ones. This thing ... is just another trauma in a string of unsettling, traumatizing events. She's shielded her little ones from his actions. But, she couldn't shield them from mine. No, I've not been the one to heal her. But, I pray for him, whoever he is. This is my prayer. I pray you're a man after God's own heart. You'll need to be. You'll need to be selfless and strong in something other than yourself, something other than those around you. You'll have to be strong in the Lord. There will be times you'll feel slighted, rejected, left out, unable to make progress. Put yourself aside. You'll have to trust God because you can't give in to discouragement. You'll have to be more than a man, and I'm sure you will be. I pray you have a healing touch, for this woman has been abused (there...