Be kind

Some people seem effortless, the way they get through life, but life is hard for a lot of people. I know a way to make it easier. 

I once worked with a girl (let's call her Shelby) who would talk disparagingly of another girl we worked with (who we'll call Shayna). Shayna was a little slow. She went to an alternative school. I got the feeling there was some sort of abuse or at least neglect (which is the same as abuse, really) at home. She loved her boyfriend. She smoked pot sometimes. This was a girl who should definitely not smoke pot, as she didn't have enough brain cells to go around as it was. She told awful, not-funny stories and would laugh like they were funny. Shelby said Shayna was a "herp derp" or just "herp." Sometimes just "derp," "derpy," or some derivative of the same nonsense. Yeah, she wasn't very nice to Shayna. 

Shayna loved Shelby. No, not that kind of love. But, she certainly followed her around a bit like a lost puppy dog. She laughed at Shelby's antics. She was jealous of Shelby's ease with boys. Shelby was openly disparaging of Shayna at times. She was a dork, after all. It was typical girl-on-girl violence. 

One night after Shayna had gone home, Shelby and I were talking and she went on a mini-rant about Shayna. I stopped her and said, "Don't be mean to those who love you." I hope she listened. I really don't know. But, it's a good rule to follow. You could simply say, "Don't be mean," which is much harder, but you have to start somewhere. 

We've all had that one person who can't get enough of us.  Maybe it was an underclassman in high school. Maybe it was a little brother or sister. Maybe it was some neighborhood kid. We've all had at least one. If you were really charismatic, you had quite a few. My brothers were mean to me. I was a tagalong. I know what it means when you love someone and they're mean to you. 

There were guys in high school, usually underclassmen, who wanted to hang around me. Likewise, I did the same, talking car speakers, girls, school, sports, and taking rides in cars with other guys. It was nice. It's a different kind of love than what we're used to talking about, but it's love nonetheless. 

This rule happens to be a biblical concept, also. There is a curse on those who return evil for good. God is upset with anyone who returns evil for good. Of course, Jesus told us to go the extra mile and turn the other cheek for those who hurt or take advantage of us. That isn't always easy. Again, you have to start somewhere. So, even though you may not want to, even though they are annoying or dorky, even though they may not make you look cool by talking to you, be kind. Be kind to those who love you. 

Girls talk about other girls a lot. They say things they shouldn't say. Maybe they want to build themselves up while tearing someone else down, I don't know. I dated a girl who would sometimes start fights with other girls. Maybe at the root of it was deep insecurity. Maybe it was dissatisfaction with her own life. Maybe it was something else. All I know is that it wasn't the right thing to do. I've heard women tear down their friends like it was nothing, but they were sweet as pie to their face. I wondered what they said about me when I wasn't around. Of course, I didn't care, but it certainly didn't make me trust them. 

Someone once suggested their daughter, who was ensnared in a clique at school (complete with all the cliquish bitchiness), start a random positive piece of gossip instead of something negative. So, it would be something like, "Christina said you have amazing hair, and I agree! What do you do to get that effect?" It takes some of the drama out of middle school and high school (and beyond) and creates a dialog that's positive instead. It's a small step, but think of the possibilities. It could change the culture of an entire school if a handful of influential girls start something like this.  

There are stories every day in the media of cyberbullying or bullying leading to some tragic and, unfortunately, preventable end. It seems kids today lead more complicated lives than my generation, and with less support. Let's help them. Let's lead by example. Show them it's okay to be kind. Show them it's necessary, even. The world needs more kindness.

I believe in positive change. I've seen it in myself. I've seen others accomplish things they never thought they could. This is change that's accessible; anyone can do it. Start by being kind to someone who loves you. Who knows what a difference you'll make. 


***This post is a departure from my usual posts. I wanted to write something more life-affirming than my usual detritus. I've made approximately 130 posts in a little more than eight months, most of which have been pretty heavy. Maybe this is a turning point for me. Then again, maybe not!***