Safe and sound

When I touch you, what does it mean to you? I may never know, as you are a mystery to me. A beautiful mystery, and you hide so much in your heart. Can I tell you what it would mean to me to touch you, to be with you, to make love to you someday? 

It would be unlike anything I've had before, for you are unlike anyone I've ever known. I could tell you I'd be loyal and kind and tender and gentle and loving, but you already know that. 

My love, I'd hold you like you fell from the stars. My fingers would speak for me, and my heart would be in my hands. Every caress would be an affirmation and a revolution. 

I won't ever hurt you like he did. I know you can't believe that now. You'll never have to wonder where my heart is or what I'm thinking about when I'm with you. It will always be you. Even if I never have you and reluctantly have to let you go, it will always be you. 

Laying with you would be a dream come true. Holding you would be incomprehensible. And making love to you would destroy my world. I would never be the same. 

The doubt you feel won't go away completely, but I can help you bury it. And when it pierces the ground and tries to grow, I'll help you stamp it out again. As many times as we have to, I'll stand with you and show you my heart, show you you're safe, that you're secure with me. It will take you a long time to believe it, but we have time, dear. 

Your heart will trust again, and I pray it's me it will trust. Someday you'll wake up and realize you're happy with me so close, and not feel scared anymore. 

Some tender night, you'll feel me in you in a way you've never felt before. You'll open to me completely, feel vulnerable like you've not let yourself feel in years, and you'll be overcome. We'll be overcome together. You will knit into me and I into you, and God will bless us like we never thought possible. You'll see things and feel things you never could before. 

I could tell you a thousand times you can trust me. But it wouldn't do any good. I could tell you that I'd do anything to make your heart feel secure in me. Anything. But it doesn't matter now. These words are for a future you, and they won't make any sense now. They will someday, dear. 

There's a part of you in me. I don't know how it got there, but it's there. And like a benevolent disease, it's spread to the rest of me. It's overtaken me. There's so much of you in me, I don't even know where you end and I begin. Is this the kind of man -- this man with so much of you in him -- who could hurt you? I'd be thrusting myself through as well. I'd be tearing my own heart out, for you are me.

I'm sorry you've endured the pain and heartache and internal turmoil and callous abuse and wanton neglect you've had. I know you're trying to make sense of it. You've let me see some of it, though I'm sure not all. You kept so much back; I can feel it there. You've hidden so much of it from yourself, too. It didn't seem right to tell me those things, but you did. You trusted me, and that was a wonderful gift. I wish I could help you pick up the pieces and move on. I wish I was there beside you. All I ever wanted was to lay with you and hold you and let my love seep into you, and tell you everything was going to be okay. You're a precious thing to me, and I don't know how to love you right, but I will learn. You'll have to be patient with me as I fumble about. 

I'm crying now as I write these words. You didn't deserve what you got, but I promise to hold you and never let it happen again. You may not trust my heart now, but someday you will. After all, my heart is your heart. You've made me feel you, and I'll make you feel me. Our one heart will help you see you're safe and sound.