Humbled

I've said it a thousand times in a thousand different ways. She has my heart. I'm pitifully in love with her. I'm broken before her. She could crush me if she wanted to. 

Not only am I more in love with her than any woman I've ever known, but I'm also more attracted to her than any woman I've ever know. She blows all of my fantasy scenarios out the window. A woman like that, is she even real? 

It's embarrassing how much I love her. Still. Now. At this moment. I pine for her. I crave her. My heart thumps loudly when I think of her. I feel blood flowing places I haven't felt it flow in a long time. I come alive. But she's nowhere. She's just in my head and heart. 

She's touched me. In those secret places where I don't let anyone else go, she's there. I trusted her, and I let her right in. With arms open wide, I welcomed her. 

The aching. Oh, the aching. It's like a sickness. I'm lovesick, I suppose. What else can it be? But doesn't it go away? I miss her just like every love song says someone can be missed. I wait for her like she's the sun and the moon. She orders my days and nights. Without her, I live in darkness. 

She has humbled me. She has brought me low. She's made me understand what it means to love a woman. She's spoken to me without words, and I was made to understand. She's special beyond all women. She's perfect for me, even though she's broken and messy. Even though she's not ready. Even though we may never have our day. She's still perfect. She's still all I'll ever need and more. 

She thrills me. I don't even know her. I've not entered her life. I've stood on the periphery and watched jealously as she carries on without me. I've gradually gotten used to watching. Always watching. 

It's too much, I know. I love her too much. I want all of her, whatever she can give me. I'll take it. I'll love it, even if it's little pieces. Even if it's scraps. Even if it's leftovers. Even if it's empty promises. I'll take it and build myself a world where it's just me and her and our love. I'll make our future out of whatever she gives me. I'll build walls to keep the pain out. I'll build a tower to see the planets and stars align just for us. I'll build a bed where we'll solace ourselves with love. I'll make a home for our children. She may never enter its gates, but I will build it for her. 

She has no idea how much I love her. She'll never know what I think of her. She'd made of something unreal. How can I describe something indescribable? How can I make her understand what I don't even understand? All I can say is, "Thank you." Thank you for letting me love you. Thank you for being you.