Go forth and wage war

We all have those make-it-or-break-it-moments in life. For most of us, they pass without noticing because we did what we had to do. We made it. We did the right thing. Some of us can't seem to get it right, though. This is about those people. This is about me. 

Some of us come pre-loaded with difficulties we have to unravel throughout our lives and make sense of. We're already two strikes down when we get up to bat. I consider this keeping things fair. There's something special about those of us who come from behind and (hopefully) win. It's the classic underdog theme. Underdogs make for happy endings. Life doesn't always give us happy endings, though. This is about those other endings.

I'm one of those guys who came pre-loaded with trouble. When I think about my life, it's amazing that ANYTHING WENT RIGHT, as there were so many strikes against me. It's no wonder I've had so many dismal failures. The cards were stacked against me. It wasn't just bad luck. The law of averages would have thrown a nugget or two of good fortune my way. It was nothing but an avalanche of brutal disappointment after disappointment. Eventually, I began to engineer my own disappointments, as that became the expected outcome. 

It's time to let myself off the hook. It's time to say, "Yes, I screwed up here, or there. But, I did not screw up my entire life. I won't take the blame for all of it." What I did was follow the mold that was given to me. I simply did what I was told. Those who gave me those orders deserve the blame. Those who stood idly by or had other priorities while my tormentors tormented me, they are to blame. I simply withstood the best I could and got twisted up by it, hoping it wouldn't last forever. 

My tormentors made me strong. And they made me rely on something other than myself because I was too weak to fight them. They made me who I am, for better or for worse. If I  have a complex, it's because of them. It's funny. Even though we grow up and outgrow and outlive our bullies, we carry them inside us. We hear their voices, feel their stinging blows, carry their wounds with us always.

I don't know why God brought me into this world. It's a world of pain, frustration, and disappointment. What is the point in bringing someone into the world only to torment them until they die? I know God loves me, and that should be enough. If He didn't do anything else for but what He did on the cross, I would be eternally indebted. But, He wants us to have victory here. Now. He wants us to kick the devil in the teeth and crush his head, grind him small into the dirt. I will get a few blows in before I'm done here. If life has taught me anything, it's that the devil needs to get kicked in the head as much as possible. It's not just fun, it's my duty. He hates me already, I may as well give it back to him. 

I can lay down again and get eaten up. Or I can rise and go forth and wage war. Life is short. I'm going to wage war.