Being Icarus

I don't know the time, but I know

it's the killing hour

it's the time of night when she comes

and slays me in my bed again

My teeth are clenched

as her body moves against mine

my hands speak for me

my pleading, prying cause

She sighs, exhales, turns toward me

my eyes are shut

because I know if I open them

she won't be there

Her top leg reaches over mine

and draws me closer

her arm goes under mine

and fingers dig into my back

She presses her body on mine

her lips search my face, my neck, my chest

her eyelashes flutter in the dark

sleepily her body says yes

Every nerve in my body is at attention

every synapse is awake and alive

the fabric between us evaporates

with tenderness and carefulness 

Her breath is hot on my face

her body is warm and moist

her smell is driving me wild

but I am paralyzed

Tears squeeze out my tightly-shut eyes

frustration mounts

if she were here, oh, if she were really here

I could carry on

but she sublimates into the chill of the night air

I gasp, I sputter, I convulse, I rage against my sheets

all to no avail

she's not mine, she's not here, she's never here

I don't wish to possess her

I just want to love her, caress her, hold her

be with her, know her inside and out

I can love her from my bed

even though she's just in my head

I can whisper to her what she already knows

"I love you, and I always will."