my careless contagion

The Cranberries' singer passed away a few years ago. I believe alcohol was involved but don't know enough to comment further. Is it just me or do the Irish drink a lot? Everyone I've known of Irish descent was that way, but it's let's not generalize. In any case, that's a sad outcome. She wasn't very old. The song Dreams, which seems to have multiple "official" videos, is quite nice. The lyrics agree with that sentiment. It's a lovingly-stated love song, or a beginning-of-love song. Sometimes when we fall for someone, they seem unreal. They take on a rosy hue, and some might say we are wearing rose-tinted glasses when we are in the beginning stages of infatuation. It's a nice feeling, but it doesn't last long. (It can lead to exhaustion and a pushing away. Then a decision is made to either continue the relationship or step away.) One can get addicted to the feeling of infatuation, which leads to relationship hopping and eventually depre...

In my dreams she's always right beside me, always touching me, holding my hand. In my dreams, she's tossing her hair in the sunlight with an impossibly wide smile on her face. Her eyes are full of passion, full of love, and full of us.  She makes love to me with her whole body and her whole soul. She lets me take her body and soul because she knows I'm careful with precious things. She breathes hot on my face and neck, and I hold her waist, her arms, her thighs, her neck, her back, her ... you get the idea.   In my dreams, she's always been mine. Our children light up our days and fill our nights with words and laughter and song. In my dreams, she has our pictures on the wall, and our house echoes with the memories we've lived.  I ache for her. Maybe she was afraid of a man loving her like this. Maybe she didn't know what to do with it. But love is a verb, and it desires, it moves, it creates, it transcends. In my dreams, my love transcends everything a...

Where do I start? I feel like I've always been a failure. When did I start believing that? As the youngest child, you do everything later and slower than everyone else. Then you have two parents (ideally) to compare yourself to. You never win the comparisons so you stop trying. I did well in school for the most part. I did okay in athletics. I wasn't ever popular, nor did I desire to be. Those kids were assholes. The older I got, the more the world I knew lurched away from me. I was lost.  I've never been good at any job I've ever done. I just kind of wing it. People have a propensity to hate me because I'm so bad at what I do and I really should feel bad about it, but I don't. I struggle and no one helps me and that's okay. My life is struggle and failure and an occasional success that scares the shit out of me. Like, where did that come from? The law of averages gives me an occasional home run.  When you've been a screw-up as long as you ca...

I don't know the time, but I know it's the killing hour it's the time of night when she comes and slays me in my bed again My teeth are clenched as her body moves against mine my hands speak for me my pleading, prying cause She sighs, exhales, turns toward me my eyes are shut because I know if I open them she won't be there Her top leg reaches over mine and draws me closer her arm goes under mine and fingers dig into my back She presses her body on mine her lips search my face, my neck, my chest her eyelashes flutter in the dark sleepily her body says yes Every nerve in my body is at attention every synapse is awake and alive the fabric between us evaporates with tenderness and carefulness  Her breath is hot on my face her body is warm and moist her smell is driving me wild but I am paralyzed Tears squeeze out my tightly-shut eyes frustration mounts if she were here, oh, if she were really h...

It's a brand-new world you've been born into a world of wonder a world of pain and uncertainty But this is what you wanted this is what you needed maybe it's not too late, you said to start over Before she left town that girl said she couldn't do it couldn't make it You said you could make up the difference spread your legs I'll do the rest But she was waging a different war and she needed to get back home she could see you crying in her rearview mirror Little did she know she took a part of you that day the most important part still beating in the passenger seat You'll never see her again because she saw that thing in you that thing that you know no one should ever see Most days I pray just to make it back to my bed so I can hold her in my dreams so I can kiss her on the mouth on her neck, down her back so I can smell her hair and taste her skin run my hands down her t...