my careless contagion

When someone you love leaves your life, you have two choices. You can either accept that fact and move on or live with the constant ache of them being gone. Apparently, I've chosen the latter.  The ache is a constant reminder of what your heart knows. She's gone. She's not coming back. But the heart wants what it wants. And it wants her. So the mind manufactures her. Everywhere.  Everything begins to remind you of her. Your calendar used to tell you many things, but now all it tells you is that it's been so many days or so many months since something happened with her. You remember the softness of her skin and the tautness of her muscles beneath it, the infinite tenderness and suppleness of her body, the way she smelled, the way her hair felt on your chest, your stomach, your everything. You tasted her mouth and now recall her soft lips and impossibly big, beautiful eyes that were yours and only yours to behold for a moment. You remember her in her underwear and ...

She's seared in my mind like a brilliant sunrise, like the end of the world, like the sadness of leaving and the miracle of birth all in one brief moment. She stood before me in nothing but her black bra and underwear. I couldn't believe the creature that stood before that mirror with me. I stood behind her and told her she was beautiful. She said it was dark. I thought to myself, "Girl, you're not only perfect, but perfect should try to be you."  Her skin and her warmth are fresh in my memory. And she could lounge in her underwear with me all day, any day, any time, anywhere. My body may burn for her, but it would be worth it. If I couldn't lay a hand on her, I'd make love to her with my eyes and with my words. Maybe she'd melt for me like I melt for her.  I can't recall feeling such adoration for any woman, real or imagined. How can she cut down all of my childhood fantasies and all of my models of perfection? How can she destroy e...

I don't know the time, but I know it's the killing hour it's the time of night when she comes and slays me in my bed again My teeth are clenched as her body moves against mine my hands speak for me my pleading, prying cause She sighs, exhales, turns toward me my eyes are shut because I know if I open them she won't be there Her top leg reaches over mine and draws me closer her arm goes under mine and fingers dig into my back She presses her body on mine her lips search my face, my neck, my chest her eyelashes flutter in the dark sleepily her body says yes Every nerve in my body is at attention every synapse is awake and alive the fabric between us evaporates with tenderness and carefulness  Her breath is hot on my face her body is warm and moist her smell is driving me wild but I am paralyzed Tears squeeze out my tightly-shut eyes frustration mounts if she were here, oh, if she were really h...