Neither can the floods drown it

Change is inevitable. It's what I need at this moment, even though I've been through piles of it in the last few years. In the last five years, I've changed jobs, moved four times, had a child, gotten a divorce, and am staring at my hands wondering if they're even capable of whatever the next step entails.

Change can come from two sources — from someone outside of yourself or from the inside (you). I've realized that the change I need probably won't come from either source, which leaves me with a few possible scenarios.

One of the easiest things I can do is to continue on and consider this as good as it gets. I would have to accept everything about myself that needs to change and leave it at that.

The next solution would be difficult for me because of my love affair with the truth. I would have to change my state of mind and consider myself free of defects. I wouldn't need change if I was flawless, after all.

The last solution is that a force changes me, not a person. I've seen real, lasting change in people who have undergone a religious transformation. They attribute these changes to God or a force of some sort. I know God can fundamentally change a life. On some level, He enters into that life, but we don't actually see Him do it. So, it's my opinion, because of the brilliance that is God, that He simply uses a force in cases like this. Rarely does God in person do something in someone's life. I'm not Moses; I cannot behold a burning bush without turning away.

My life feels dead. There is nothing stirring in it. It seems pointless and beyond resuscitation. If someone else could have changed it, they would have. Plenty of people would have liked to see real change in me. People, sadly, are ineffective.

What can change the deadness I feel? It would have to be something as strong or stronger than death itself. I know of only one thing.

From the Song of Solomon: "Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned (condemned)."

Not only is love as strong as death, but it has a worth greater than anything someone can own. Truly, this is what I've been missing. Something like this can change my life. Unfortunately, I don't know to attain something like love. It isn't bought or sold like any other commodity. It isn't passed along like an inheritance. I can rest at this point in my journey and at least know what I am journeying toward. "Where there is no vision, the people perish," after all.

Now I know what I need. How to get there is the next step.