Passengers

I watched the movie Passengers because it has Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence in it. I figured, what could go wrong? Well, plenty.

I guess this is where I should say, "spoiler alert." Most of the movie you feel incredibly sorry for Chris' character, then Jennifer's, then both! It's a love story set in space. Their spaceship is bound for a distant planet and they are in hibernation for 120 years. Tragically, Chris wakes up and finds he has 90 more years to go; his pod had a failure and he is doomed to spend the rest of his life on this ship alone. After a year of this, and after becoming suicidal, he falls in love with a sleeping passenger, Jennifer's character. He wakes her up, which is the most horrible thing a person could do, really. He lets her believe her pod failed, of course, until an android bartender spills the beans. When she realizes he doomed her to living and dying on this ship, she kicks his ass. Rightly so. It was a selfish act, utterly reprehensible. But, they had fallen in love by this point. The rest of the film involves them saving the ship, of course, which makes his selfish act okay. They saved over 5,000 passengers and hundreds of crew members. 

As deeply flawed as this love story is, I get it. In fact, I'm living it. 

I woke up a beautiful woman so I wouldn't feel alone in the world anymore. I woke her up and let her fall in love with me before she realized what she was losing. She was losing her life. I  had doomed her to die with me on this ship. 

There are moments in your life that slip by so fast, and you look back and realize, "Wow, that was a turning point." Well, it was more than a turning point when she entered my life. I didn't have to wake her up. I didn't have to selfishly try to make her mine. But, I did. Dammit, I did. And now she's wandering the ship trying to avoid me after realizing I've taken everything from her: her whole life, her whole future, and there's no way to get it back. 

Once I realized I'm living this plotline, I got sick. Literally sick. I'm still sick. My heart is sick over what I've done. Sweet girl, if you read this, please know I'd take it back if I could. I can live with solitude. I can live with privation. Just knowing you're happy and have your life back would be more than enough for me. I'm so sorry for my selfishness, my greed. I promise I'm not normally this way. There was just something in your eyes I wanted, something so beautiful and precious and perfect and innocent. I will never forget you, not as long as I have breath in my lungs. Please know I'd sacrifice myself to put you back to sleep and back on your journey home. 

This is a long apology, and I'm not even done. I'm one of the most unselfish people I know, yet I did the unthinkable to you. You're made of something much too wonderful for me. I was right all those years ago when I sat beside you in your car and you asked me to come meet your parents. You were too good for me. When I woke this morning at 4 a.m., you were there. You're always there, but just out of reach. You're my first thought in the morning and last thought at night with hundreds of thoughts in between. I'm not a man anymore; I'm a repository for thoughts about a girl I once knew. This hopeless shipwreck of a man, this drowning, hurting thing I am, dragged you down to drown with me. There aren't enough apologies in this world or the world after. 

Some lessons we learn too late to do anything about. This is one of them. As I hope on the stars alone in the dark tonight, I will see your face as I always do. Then I'll take my fitful slumber and wake, think of you as I always do, close my eyes and try to return to the land of sleep. I'll make a thousand promises and wish a thousand wishes before the sun intrudes and I must be on my way. I'll give up the rest of my sleep the rest of my life if I could just put you back to sleep unharmed by what I've done, if I could just make you dream your perfect dreams again.