A thousand years

Here's a little gem from the pop culture abyss that is Breaking Dawn, one of the Twilight movies. I've seen this movie, of course. Vampires are cool, especially sparkly ones. This song made it to a billion views on YouTube, which seems utterly impossible to me. That's the power of a good teen movie/book/multimedia juggernaut, something that packages unbridled lust with romance and, uh, bloodlust. But, that's not my interest in this song. 

The line that sticks out to me is, "I have died every day waiting for you." Although I don't consider myself a patient person, I've exhibited patience quite a bit in the past. I waited the greater part of two decades for a woman to come around and realize the kind of person I am and who she was callously abusing. My patience finally wore thin and, tragically, I realized that even if she came to her senses at some point in the future, my ability to trust her was irreparably damaged. Without trust, there is no possibility of a relationship. Patience is considered a virtue. Those who exhibit patience are thought to be saints, especially in our culture where fast and convenient is considered even more of a virtue. The hard things that you have to wait for, well, let's face it, we don't understand those things. And, most likely, we tell ourselves, we don't need them.

It makes me laugh every time I think about it, but I've found myself, yet again, waiting for a woman. She didn't ask me to wait for her. I love her, and I realized there was no other way to (possibly) be with her but to wait. The likelihood of being with her is incredibly small. I would give us a 2% chance as of this moment. But, love hopes and love waits. The fact that I waited for another woman and it didn't pan out does not escape my notice. I've resigned myself to loving a woman I'll never be with. She fascinates me; I've never come across another woman like her. I don't even have words for what she is. 

Patience runs out eventually. We're all finite, and our determination is finite as well. Our patience as Christians is supposed to resemble God's, but His frequently ran out in the scriptures. How many times in the Old Testament was there a mediator standing in the gap for a rebellious people who an angry God wanted to wipe out? There are examples in the New Testament as well. One instance that comes to mind is when King Herod was eaten of worms and died because he failed to give God the glory. God's patience had run out. So, patience is finite, even with God. I know, I'm not God and she's not some reprobate king, but I seem to be perfectly okay with waiting for her. Apples and oranges, you say. My point is that patience is something that runs out. So it's strange to me that my feet are stuck to the floor, waiting.

This is one area of growth I've seen in myself after becoming a parent. Really, having a little helpless thing to take care of forces to you become patient. How many times has a lack of patience taught me hard lessons in my life? Too many times. I'm glad to see this growth in myself, as patience is something I've been lacking for too long. 

So, good. I've seen progress in my nearly 41 years. It's never too late to figure things out. Whether or not things work out with me and this woman, it's okay. It's okay because God is working on me, and that's all that matters in the end. I can wish and hope for things, but, truly, I've found the one thing that matters. If I could sum up the book of Ecclesiastes, it's that the meaning of life is to do what God tells you to do. The rest of the book pretty much says nothing else has meaning but that. My spirit echoes the same sentiment. But, I digress.

If I had a thousand years, I'd wait that long for her. Even if I only had one day with her. It's romantic hyperbole, which I would have scoffed at in my previous life, but it makes sense now. You could say waiting for someone puts all the power in their hands, and that might be true. The funny thing is, she never asked me to wait. I just want to be with her, and if I have to wait, I will. I'll love her for a thousand years.

The day we met,
Frozen I held my breath
Right from the start
I knew that I'd found a home for my heart
Beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone?
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer


I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer


I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

I'll love you for a thousand more
Ohh

One step closer


I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more