A good place to be
Eight months ago, when it felt like God just wanted to break me and give up the girl I was in love with, something strange happened.
It wasn't unusual that God took me by the collar and made His point. I feel like I've channeled Jacob much of my life, and with the same results. The story of Jacob and Esau is a study in desire. Jacob wanted the things of God more than Esau did. Jacob didn't know how to go about getting those things so went about it all wrong in his headstrong way.
Eventually, God humbled Jacob and wounded him while wrestling, crippling him. Anyone who has been stubborn with God can attest to the futility of wrestling Him. Jacob must have been in a league of his own. The one thing he had going for him was his thirst for the things of God.
When I was wrestling with God in December, I fully expected the answer to be that I had to give this woman up, this woman I loved. I was ready for that. To my astonishment, His answer was quite the contrary. He said in no way was I to give her up. Instead, He told me to be patient and to be obedient. I asked how patient I was supposed to be. How long did I have to wait? Is it within this time frame? Yes. Okay, well, is it within this time frame? Yes. I stopped there. Now I was just asking questions. What about obedience; what does that entail? I was soon to find out. There were many things God was to show me in the coming months, and the first was just days away.
God likes to use certain numbers, and they all have significance. He likes 3, 7, 10, 12, 40, and so on. When Samuel heard God's voice the third time, he answered Him. He was just a boy, but Eli, his spiritual head, told him God was speaking to him if he called his name the third time. And God did. I think three is a good number because it's hard to mistake it for a coincidence. It's also nice if you're dense like me and don't hear God the first two times; the third time you probably will, as things are starting to add up. Sometimes we need to hear God's voice three times. I wish I was able to hear Him the first time and answer, but I'm not there yet.
I used to get a verse-a-day Bible verse on my work computer. In all the time I've sat at this workstation, I've never seen it repeat. Shortly after this conversation I had with God, I saw it repeat for the first time. Then it repeated again for a total of three days in a row with the same verse. My verse-a-day verses stopped coming shortly after this. The whole thing was strange. I guess you could chalk it up to coincidence, but I didn't.
I took note of the verse because it was something God had pointed out to me in the past. The verse, from Psalm 37: Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.
Within a few days, I was seething with anger. I was angry with myself, with God, with those who had hurt me, those who were continuing to hurt me, with everyone around me, those in the past, and those I'd yet to meet. I had become unhinged. When I realized what was happening, I repented, of course, and remembered the verse God had given me. It was time to take a stand against anger.
In this verse was something else God had told me: to wait. He was doing something. I was to wait, to stop meddling, and to cease from wrath. This verse encapsulated so many things He was telling me. It was confirmation. You can say the three times it came across my desk was nothing, but the fact that it tied in directly with what He had just told me days before and that it was a verse He'd given me on a prior occasion, well, it was clear God was speaking. I had to listen.
This verse has been invaluable to me in my struggles. How can a few lines of text mean so much? How can there be so much meaning in there? God is an economist; He wastes nothing. Those who think the Bible is full of old tales and endless frippery (even some Christians) are clearly not hearing from God. Nothing in the Bible is a mistake, nothing was left out, and everything you ever need to know is in it. I've never been so fascinated with any book I've ever read. It has the words of life. It's fulfilling on every level.
What builds faith is seeing God do what we think is impossible. We know the solution isn't coming from us. It's thrilling. It's relieving. What looks like an impossible situation to me has a solution. The solution is God. All I have to do is trust His leading; it may not be the solution I think I need or want, but it will be the right solution.
What I think is happening here hinges on another verse in Psalm 37: Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. It's a wonderful verse that many have used to justify getting what they want! But, if you look closely, the verse has two parts. If you do the first part, the second part happens. It's a cause-and-effect thing. What happens when you delight yourself in the Lord is your wants and desires change. Then God can give you the desires of your heart because He can't give you something that's not good for you.
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