my careless contagion

"Run away with me," she whispered. And so began their journey together. They ran away in their hearts with one another, into the wilds of whatever is beyond the ordinary. They breathed air that was rare and alive and saw sights reserved for only them. They were in love, and they were free. Those moments were so precious they seemed stolen. Those moments changed their whole lives because they basked in the afterglow of what was and simmered in the anticipation of what was to come. It was infinite, wide open, with no constraints. Their world changed when they fell in love, and when she whispered to him, "Run away with me."  They couldn't run far because they had lives and responsibilities. But the love for one another that coursed through their veins put a shine on everything, making the ordinary more beautiful and wild. She would drive away with kisses in her hair and on her neck and he could sense the lingering smell of her perfume on his fingers and lips. As re...

To what or to whom can I liken her? A precious stone? A film star from a bygone era? How about a film star from a bygone era who was known for her love of precious stones? Perfect. Yes, that's what she is. She's perfect. But my analogy is imperfect. Marilyn was typecast as an airhead and easy. My girl is neither of those things. She is all class all the way and all the more inspiring. She's also unattainable. Whatever went through my head when I thought I could be with her — even though it was only for a brief moment — was madness. I may as well imagine myself with Marilyn Monroe. If she is Marilyn Monroe, then who am I? To whom should I liken myself? I am Jay Gatsby. But Jay Gatsby is fictional, whereas I am flesh and blood. Then I'm Joe DiMaggio. Okay, go ahead and laugh. I'm not a baseball legend. But I am in love with an unattainable woman, much like Joe DiMaggio was with Marilyn Monroe. He loved her long after their 9-month marriage ended. Yes, that...

This article. I read this at work and wanted to bawl. Go ahead and read it. It's about an old, married couple who died 33 hours apart. When you've been married 68 years and grew up together, being without that person feels like dying anyway. So when they leave for good, you follow them too. This story really touched me, so I'm sharing it. They were one person. I think that's rare in this world, at least it is now. Everyone has their own agenda now. Theirs is the kind of relationship I wanted, and now I'm staring at a future that is very lonely. Staying with one person — that one person who makes you feel alive and complete and happy your whole life — that's what I wanted. Yes, I know there are hard times, you don't have to tell me that, but how you feel about that person doesn't change. That's special. I feel my life has been incredibly unfair and unkind. I try not to complain, but, still, it's there in front of me. And, on top of that, I...

My life is over. My body is broken. My mind is like Swiss cheese. Somehow, my heart keeps beating. There's nothing else I want to do. My life has been a comical disaster, penetrated at times by both the storms of life and pure magic. I have loved and lost love. I have fought and fucked. But, what happened two years ago when I knew I was undeniably in love with the loveliest woman I've ever known was like a revelation — like being reborn. It was like seeing the world for the first time. The songs of birds in the trees were sweeter. The cold of winter much more bearable. The smell of her flesh was like an intoxicant. Simple things, even, like the way her hair fell over her ears was like I had never seen anything so beautiful before. She had her way with me in a way previously thought impossible. She ran through me with a freedom I had never given anyone before. The whole thing was as powerful as it was brief. It was only a few months, bu...

  Chasing Amy. Looking for Alaska. 500 Days of Summer. The Great Gatsby.  I have my own lost love story. It's compelling. It's beautiful. It's haunting.  I still chase her with my mind. I still feel her with my heart. She was the most beautiful thing I ever held in my hands. She was always there. Until she wasn't. I've searched for her ever since. I never knew a woman could make me feel the things she did. I never knew I'd be so impossibly ruined by her — ruined for anything else. I knew she was never truly mine, but just the thought of having her made me impossibly happy. A love like that is a gift. A woman like her is a jewel. The time we had together was a dream. And the memories of her sustain me.  There is no perfect human being, but she was perfect to me. She made me see the world differently. She let me believe something as precious as her could be had by a man like me. Oh, what I would give for just one more day with her. Just to hear her voic...

King Kong (2005) is not a particularly strong movie, but as an update to the original, it does the job. There have been so many movies featuring King Kong, it's kinda ridiculous. The only thing more ridiculous, perhaps, is me trying to show a parallel between this movie and my life. Go ahead and laugh. This movie relies on symbolism and metaphors (much like Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness mentioned in the film). This is a long movie (by Peter Jackson, who I don't think makes short movies), most of which is bogged down in typical action movie stuff. The story is widely known, but we find Kong on a Jurassic Park sort of island, Skull Island, a place inhabited by dinosaurs and giant bugs, etc. It's ridiculous, but gloriously so. He is king of the island, and the savage inhabitants feed him sacrifices to presumably appease him. Well, when Ann is one of those sacrifices, something changes.  It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment this beast has a change of hear...

Her words came through the screen in my hands like a bolt of lightning. My brain sputtered and my thumbs fumbled, wrote something, backed up, wrote again, backed up, wrote again, and finally replied.  She said she loves me.  Those words were like a gullywasher to my parched soul. Like a cheeseburger to a POW. Of all the words I wanted to hear in this word, those were exactly it. I fell asleep with a smile on my face that night. And I slept like a baby.  My writings here over the last 11 months have been a smattering of this and a smattering of that, though writing about her — the one I love — has predominated. My effusions about her have come in every shape and color. Looking back, some of what I've written is painful to read. Some of it makes my heart take flight. Some of it is merely notes on how I was doing at the time and no longer applies, but somehow she got tangled up in my mess. And that shouldn't be surprising. I was very messy for a very long time. Some...

I watched the movie Passengers because it has Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence in it. I figured, what could go wrong?  Well, plenty. I guess this is where I should say, "spoiler alert." Most of the movie you feel incredibly sorry for Chris' character, then Jennifer's, then both! It's a love story set in space. Their spaceship is bound for a distant planet and they are in hibernation for 120 years. Tragically, Chris wakes up and finds he has 90 more years to go; his pod had a failure and he is doomed to spend the rest of his life on this ship alone. After a year of this, and after becoming suicidal, he falls in love with a sleeping passenger, Jennifer's character. He wakes her up, which is the most horrible thing a person could do, really. He lets her believe her pod failed, of course, until an android bartender spills the beans. When she realizes he doomed her to living and dying on this ship, she kicks his ass. Rightly so. It was a selfish act, utterl...

If I never knew love before you, then I never knew sadness until you left me.  "What's wrong with me?" I whisper for the 100th time today.  There's never a good answer. Just the beating of my heart and the slow ache that tells me you're nowhere to be found. I've never felt this way about anything or anyone.  I didn't know I could love again. That was a wonderful discovery. You tapped into something so deep in me, I can't even explain. You required honesty. You wanted the truth. You made me love you when you asked those things of me. Love flowed from an undiscovered source. You found this in me, and I gave it to you.  When you left me in silence, no amount of words could bring you back. And I knew I was in trouble when I would wake in the night and the ache in my chest was more than just real. It was killing me. I expected you to fade, but you did not. You became stronger and more resilient in my heart. I couldn't silence y...