my careless contagion

You're forgiven if you've never seen the 2017 movie The Greatest Showman. I don't believe it was as popular as it was intended. It is about P.T. Barnum and his circus. It's Hollywoodized, clearly, so it's not entirely accurate, but it does make for a good story.  There is a verse in Proverbs that says, "The eyes of man are never satisfied." There is something in us that pushes always toward more and greater. The movie has many messages, but the overriding one is to be satisfied with the good things in your life. Of course, it's easy to say that once a person has achieved greatness just as P.T. Barnum had, right? Haha. To those of us who struggled most of our lives to achieve a modicum of normal it's quite another thing.  But, this is really about the song for me. Never Enough is amazing in the movie, and it stands well on its own. It's quite impressive. It gives me goosebumps every time. What's even greater is realizing someone actually san...

If you haven’t seen the movie Pure Country, then this is just a song. If you haven’t read anything else here, this is just a guy's short blog post. If you have done either of those, this is for you.  *** Sometimes loving someone means giving them something they need, regardless of what one wants or the cost to self. Someone precious to me showed me what that looks like. I miss her, though I understand, and seek to do for her what she does for others.  Thank you for reading. And God bless. New blog:  a-better-hope.blogspot.com And my other blog, None Dare Call It Treason.

Can't Buy me love is a f antastic humorous farse, an 80s movie about a nerd who gets to see what it's like to be one of the cool kids. The part that always got me was he somehow got to be with the hottest girl in school, the girl of his dreams, a girl described as not only out of his league but out of everyone's league. Wanna guess her name? Weird question? Her name is Cindy. When I watched this movie when I was in high school, the irony of that fact was lost on me, but it isn't now. I watched this movie so many times, I lost count. I love it.  From Wikipedia:  Can't Buy Me Love  is a 1987 American  teen   romantic comedy  film directed by  Steve Rash , [2]  starring  Patrick Dempsey  and  Amanda Peterson  in a story about a nerd at a high school in  Tucson, Arizona , who gives a cheerleader $1,000 to pretend to be his girlfriend for a month. The film takes its title from a  Beatles  song of the  same title ...

Though I realize this blog is long in the tooth and probably isn't read much anymore, I still use it as a space to discuss and heal. It is a very personal journey. If I invited you into this space, I hope you realize I did not do so lightly. You may not understand everything I write, but I hope it gives you an accurate picture of my struggles and triumphs.  I used to think we all had weird families. That was my honest belief. The more I looked around, the more I realized, no, we do not all have an odd upbringing. We certainly did not all have abusive childhoods. Then I started to get upset. I started to really dislike those "normal" families and their picture-perfect lives. I used to keep photos of some on my walls. Now that's weird . But, it's true. There was a congressman from a town I lived in years ago. I kept photos of his family on my walls. His wife wasn't very nice to me when I interacted with her at my job. Their children are doubtless grown and beaut...

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet) was released in 2004. You may vaguely remember it. You may not! I keep coming back to the theme of this movie in my mind, and for good reason. (It is a cult classic, so I'm not alone in that.) It bears an eerie resemblance to my life.  Is it okay if I spoil this movie for you? If not, don't read further. Here is the synopsis of the movie, taken from this site : Joel and Clementine had been in love, but then their relationship deteriorated to the point where Clementine decided to have Joel’s memories removed from her mind entirely. Discovering that she chose to not remember him anymore, Joel is heartbroken and decides to do the same thing for himself as well. However, as the procedure begins and he relives all memories, both good and bad, he starts to have second thoughts about it. As the world falls apart around him, he desperately tries to save some part of Clementine deep inside his mind, somewhere that he can k...

It's that time again. It's time for my semi-annual rewatching of Can't Hardly Wait , the 1998 film featuring music of the same ungrammatical name (yes, I briefly wrote about it nearly two years ago in my "That girl" post). What is my fascination with this movie? Perhaps that's too complex to start with. It's a fun, campy movie (that, apparently, still means a lot to many people ). And the main character gets the girl in the end. It's safe to say a lot has changed in the last 22 years. The movie, though, is a time capsule. We've changed. Our world has changed. Things that were okay or even funny in 1998 are no longer okay and funny, as this dumb article points out (leave it to Buzzfeed to miss the point). You can't take things out of the context in which they were created and examine them under the harsh light of today. Things were different then. This movie was never intended to be scrutinized or taken seriously. It was mindless entertain...

I'm going to do something I rarely do, which is recommend those still reading this blog watch the above documentary called " Out of Shadows ," which runs about an hour and 20 minutes. This video has been put in front of me three times recently (it's making the rounds, apparently), which made me take notice, as my spirit halted me. Regardless of my convictions, though, decide for yourself whether or not the video is worth watching. It ends on a hopeful note, which is important because there is always hope. Nothing here is shocking to me. It talks about the following themes: CIA and NSA (US government in general) disinformation campaigns, occultism, Hollywood, mind control, politics, various so-called conspiracies such as Operation Paperclip, etc. Most of this information is extremely dated, as I've been aware of much of it most of my life. However, it is packaged well and is a good introduction to walk in a new awareness of reality. The subject matter is so br...

Alex Honnold after his death-defying, 3,000 ft. free solo climb of El Capitan in 2017. Death is terrifying. It's like walking through a door you can't ever reopen. It is the most final thing we can do. It's not that our lives are so short, though some of them are. It's that we're dead for so long.  So many millions and billions have died before me. I should be assured it is nothing but common to die. Yet, I have not died, therefore, it is an uncommon experience for me.  I'm not concerned about myself, as I trust my eternity to God. I did nothing to be brought into this world, He has gotten me through my life thus far, and my eternity is entirely up to Him, as well. However, what about those left behind?  I've contemplated suicide many times, for years, really. Most of my life. I remember being in the back of the family car (station wagon, Suburban, I don't remember which) and wishing with all of my might to die. I was banished yet again to the...

Let's say someday I end up in a relationship again. Well, if that happens, then I want to dress her sometimes. And this is how I will dress her. Yes, all of this.  I hope undressing her goes better.

The above is a screenshot of something I came across on Tumblr. It's wonderful. It's beautiful. It's thrilling that someone cares so much about a movie to put so much thought and talent into a felt pen drawing. And it's fucking scary. Why is it scary? It's obsessive. It's creepy. And it reminds me of my obsession with a certain woman. If I'm a little scared of the level of obsession in a drawing, then I'm sure anyone reading my blog is more than a little concerned about my mental health. And for the object of my affection's wellbeing. Sigh. I fully admit I've been obsessed, and most of my obsession has taken place here in this safe place. I have not stalked her (that I recall). I have not called or texted relentlessly. I got a little carried away with emails (which went increasingly unreturned). If she stopped replying (for the most part), I stopped. That's what most people do, right? That's normal?  In the mind of the obse...

King Kong (2005) is not a particularly strong movie, but as an update to the original, it does the job. There have been so many movies featuring King Kong, it's kinda ridiculous. The only thing more ridiculous, perhaps, is me trying to show a parallel between this movie and my life. Go ahead and laugh. This movie relies on symbolism and metaphors (much like Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness mentioned in the film). This is a long movie (by Peter Jackson, who I don't think makes short movies), most of which is bogged down in typical action movie stuff. The story is widely known, but we find Kong on a Jurassic Park sort of island, Skull Island, a place inhabited by dinosaurs and giant bugs, etc. It's ridiculous, but gloriously so. He is king of the island, and the savage inhabitants feed him sacrifices to presumably appease him. Well, when Ann is one of those sacrifices, something changes.  It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment this beast has a change of hear...