Call it what you want

This song says a few things to me. Mainly it says I listen to too much Taylor Swift. Call it What You Want is an old-fashioned love song masquerading as a pop song. It's understated for Swift, and it feels both a little tired and a little at ease. Perhaps the tiredness is because she's been in love (many times) before, and perhaps at ease because this time it feels different. 

I think one of the marks of finding the right person for you is you just forget about what other people think. It's not a "f*ck em" kind of feeling, though. It's just that you can't really explain to them what this person means to you. So you tell them they can call it what they want; it doesn't affect anything for you. There is a little bit of "my man is amazing" here, but also she doesn't feel like she needs to share the most intimate things with others. 

Some of the lyrics convey a tired, boarded-up feeling, like she's weathered the storms of love and fame and has retreated into herself. I don't know what it's like to deal with fame, but I can understand wanting to shut out the world because you've had enough. I can understand her walking away from "the scene" and finding solace with someone who understands her. That sounds just about perfect. 

When she says he treats her like she's "brand new," that resonates. Anyone who has found themselves on the other side of a divorce or breakup can probably attest to the power of that feeling. You want to be seen as more than just what you've come through. You know you've gotten messed up, but you want someone to see you like you're brand new. And you should be to them. 

I can't say what the future holds for me. I can only hope to find something similar to what Swift describes in this song. I can only hope I don't stay in this boarded-up place forever. I don't want to be rescued. I don't want anyone's pity. I'm just a man who has seen the end of his world and yet remains alive, unable to make sense of the aftermath. 

I've seen the death of two relationships in a short amount of time. It's going to take me some time to comprehend what all of that means. I've made impressive strides over the last year. If I continue to do so, it could be I have a bright future waiting for me. If I turn my back on God and the processes He's put in place, then I cannot imagine what sort of darkness awaits. 

This year — this bitter, unimaginable year — has nearly expired. I look to the next year with tremendous hope for new beginnings and all the challenges it will bring. Mostly, I look forward to a time when I don't have to mend, a time I can let my mind wander and it doesn't run to such brokenness. 

I pray for all of those living in the kind of despair I've had to endure. I lift them up and hope they find their way. I know they will find their own "call it what you want." I hope I find mine too.