my careless contagion

I remember sitting in a dentist chair in the late 80s with this song  (which came out in '84)  playing on the radio. It seemed strange that he was singing of a time that was so long ago (it was only 20 years prior) and wondered if he was even alive in 1969 (he was 10). Our concept of time is sometimes faulty, and, well, I wasn't the brightest kid, either. Anyway, Bryan Adams started rocking in a band at the age of 15, and it's entirely possible he had a heckuva summer in the summer of '69. This guy continues to rock, and he's in his mid-60s now. We will forgive his being from Canada. He has an impressive string of hits, and even performed this song with Taylor Swift in her recent tour. Still relevant. Still rockin'. I won't even delve into his politics because it's sure to be a disappointing misadventure.  Little did I know when I sat in that dentist chair this seemingly wholesome and nostalgic hit song was actually about sex. Yes, Bryan said just that i...

Everything has Changed (a song with a rather passive title) by Taylor Swift (and some English guy named Ed) is a good metaphor for spring. When before everything was coiled in sleep, colored in grays and browns, and dead, now everything is new again. (And, one could argue, spring is also a good metaphor for a woman, as both can be unpredictable.) We all go through seasons. What season am I living through now? Could it be a season of rebirth? Renewal? Life springing out of the once-dead ground? This song even has an organic sound, all guitars and voices and brushes, much like what goes on during springtime. The melding of male and female voices could also point toward spring. And, well, love is an incredibly organic yet spiritual thing that often defies explanation. It grows under sometimes the harshest of conditions, poking out of dry earth or miry snow, undaunted. Love and spring are both miracles. All I know is my heart is as adamant and undeterred as spring. Am I taking this too far...

Oh, Taylor. I don't love you, but I sure do love some of your songs. Red is one of those songs.  Red is another perfect summation of a relationship no-go. While the relationship is clearly no more, it's also not over. That doesn't make any sense, but, then again, it does. There's just something about some people that ... sticks. They stick in your head and your heart. They're just there. Forever. I have one of those people in me. Society has a lot of names for this kind of situation (infatuation? dangerous obsession?), but I don't think any of those names are true and real. And they're all seeking to name something without knowing it. From the outside. I am very much in it. Or she is in me. There is nothing dangerous or wrong about how I feel. I'm stable. I'm in my right mind. I'm just in love. I think Taylor Swift does a good job when she uses colors as labels. What is red, after all? It's the color of blood, of passion. When a wom...

  Netflix offers a mind-boggling assortment of garbage shows, many dark and twisted in nature. Basically, it's perfect for me. Except when I don't want my mind getting dragged down yet another dark corridor to some predictable end. Enter Taylor Swift's Reputation Stadium Tour!  This show captures Swift's final performance of her Reputation tour at Dallas. Her entire tour was stadiums, in fact, which is a testament to her wide-ranging appeal and popularity. By contrast, I've only seen one performance at a stadium — the Beastie Boys in Cleveland (during their Hello Nasty tour, I believe). They played Egg Raid on Mojo , one of their early punk songs, as I recall. I don't remember much else except we were far away.  Okay, I know Swift can make a good pop song, and traditionally I don't care for pop songs, but there's no reason I'm sitting in my recliner crying as I watch her perform. Suddenly I was alarmed. What's happened to me?   I don...

I don't want to live forever , featuring Taylor Swift and Zayn Malik, captures some of the thoughts and feelings that prevail in the wake of a breakup. While my divorce was certainly more than a simple breakup — indeed, it was a rending of lives and the end of a 20-year relationship — I identified with some of the emotions portrayed in the song.  It was about a year ago I was listening to this song and letting it run through my mind. I imagined my soon-to-be-ex calling me to "come back home." Sadly, I was also faced with the prospect of losing the girl I had fallen in love with at the same time. It was a terrifying time. How I survived, I don't know. I guess if you close your eyes and blunder through, you can make it through just about anything.  This song portrays an unhealthy attitude toward a breakup. There is despair and desperation, a pathetic search for something that has left for good. I am all too familiar with those things. I hate to say it, but this s...

Okay, I may as well just call this blog "Let's talk about Taylor Swift songs." Begin Again comes from the Red album (2012). It contains a kernel of hope for me. She also talks about James Taylor, her namesake, which is fun. The song feels rustic, but also like it could be taking place anywhere. The video (or at least parts of it) was shot in Paris. But it could be about anyone anywhere in the world. It could be about me.  She talks about how her former lover didn't get so many things about her. She compares it to her new man's understanding of her. When she says, "I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end," I get it, but I think "eight months" should be more like "my whole fucking life." Maybe her version is better, though.  I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic. I love hard. I feel too much, perhaps. I have the old sentimental feeling that love should be given free...

I wonder how she's doing. She's divorced like me. I'm sure we have shared some of the same grieving processes. But she is not like me in many ways. Her heart beats a purer rhythm. Her mind is sharper and more focused on things that matter. My heart keeps scribbling illegibly, right off the page, seemingly at odds with reason.  Yes, this is another Taylor Swift song. I keep going back to her discography because it's accessible and meaningful to me right now. All Too Well is off her Red album which was released in 2012. The line that sticks out to me is "Cause there we are again, when I loved you so, back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known." And then my heart breaks for her. I have to extrapolate because I don't know exactly what her grieving has been like, but I feel I know her well enough to say that line is pertinent. And I'm sure she remembers all the memories she's made with her ex-husband and children "all too w...

This song says a few things to me. Mainly it says I listen to too much Taylor Swift. Call it What You Want is an old-fashioned love song masquerading as a pop song. It's understated for Swift, and it feels both a little tired and a little at ease. Perhaps the tiredness is because she's been in love (many times) before, and perhaps at ease because this time it feels different.  I think one of the marks of finding the right person for you is you just forget about what other people think. It's not a "f*ck em" kind of feeling, though. It's just that you can't really explain to them what this person means to you. So you tell them they can call it what they want; it doesn't affect anything for you. There is a little bit of "my man is amazing" here, but also she doesn't feel like she needs to share the most intimate things with others.  Some of the lyrics convey a tired, boarded-up feeling, like she's weathered the storms of love and...

Taylor Swift's Wildest Dreams video also features Scott Eastwood, Clint Eastwood's son. He has the classic steamy romance novel cover look. The song seems to say that she knows he's going to leave her so she begs him to remember her a certain way. She's right. In the end, she sees him with a new woman. Even though he chases Taylor's character at the end, she knows it is best she leave him with nothing but memories. As she drives away, he is seen looking after her with a look of longing. It's easy to see the reflection of my own life in this song.  When Taylor sings, "Say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe," I can only remember the love of my life the last time I saw her. I can see her in her nice dress, and I can feel her in my arms the last time we embraced. These words could have been her words for me. It was an epic ending to something wild and beautiful and perfect and over too fast. In the end, she l...

Yeah, Taylor Swift does it again. I've been listening to this song for a while now. It's a little endearing seeing Taylor not smile. In fact, the whole song is endearing. I understand the delicate feeling she's talking about. I'm sure I'm putting my own meaning into it. That's okay. That's what I do. There is a tired feeling to this song. Tired of relationships not working. Tired of being alone. I don't know. I'm staring down the other side of the hill and I feel like I'm picking up speed. On my tombstone, it will say, "He was okay. Also, he was really tired."  My reputation is crap. I tried to do the right thing during my separation and divorce. I didn't want to regret anything. I didn't pay attention to the public side of my divorce because I figured it wasn't anyone's business. That's where I lost. It figures that not only was I traumatized by my relationship, but traumatized by what I had to accomplish ...

Taylor Swift is a masterful creator of what seems like an endless stream of songs about love, loss, and, quite possibly, her love for Ed Sheeran. In her song The Story of Us , she says, "I don't know what to say since the twist of fate when it all broke down and the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now." If there's something sadder than a tragedy, then I'd agree the lyrics fit you and me. Your daughter has asked about that boy who wanted to marry you, said you always told her about him. But you don't remember saying that at all. You thought you buried me, left me behind, but I'm right there in front of you, a question mark in your daughter's mind. Some people can't be buried. I should know. I forgot so many faces, so many names, so many places, so many times. But I could never forget you. When the clouds were making rain in my basement apartment in McCook, you were making out with another boy. When he wanted more, you said yes. You ...