My type - part three

The Ataris (a band formed in 1996) covered Don Henley's The Boys of Summer, releasing it in 2003. This song could have been released yesterday, as it feels fresh every time I hear it. Don Henley of the Eagles (a band I hate) is a genius, and this song is proof. I don't feel I need to post the lyrics here, as I'm sure everyone has heard this song a thousand times. The Ataris do change at least one word in the lyrics, making it a Black Flag sticker on a Cadillac instead of a Dead Head sticker, which I appreciate because, well, Henry Rollins. 

This song has seemingly existed my whole life, as the original was released in 1984. The original video is sparse, just as all music videos shot in the 80s seem to be. The music wasn't overproduced, either. Before I start down the road of nostalgia, let me talk about what this song means to me. I always felt it was a sad song, but until I had a few relationships, I didn't fully grasp the meaning. 

Since I'm a little OCD, I'm going to post the original video here, as well, in case anyone is curious how music video production has changed. The vision of whoever shot this video was to highlight the main theme of the song instead of their own agenda, which is refreshing to me. The Ataris' video does not portray the song's lyrics like Henley's video. In fact, it hardly matches the sentiment of the song. Still, it's a very good cover of an already very good song. 

What makes the song timeless is the sentiment Henley expresses, which is a forlorn feeling of a lost love. He hopes she'll come back to him, of course, which is the desire of all hopeless romantics. On the surface it's a sweet song that says he loves her and looks forward to being with her "after the boys of summer are gone," but this song has an undercurrent of infidelity. And it may just be my state of mind coloring everything, but I think the songwriter knows he'll never have this girl, even if she comes back to him. 

Okay, so why is the woman portrayed in the song my type? Because I never get her. Because she's playing the field, because she's forever 14 and free, because I don't deserve her, because I've always fallen for girls I can't have, because that's the way love is. I mean, pick one. They're all valid. 

I understand this song well because I'm the perfect fit for the lyrics, and the girls I've been with fit too. This song may as well be my life. I'm always waiting around for the girl to figure out what she wants, and I hope it will be me. But it's never me.

I've learned my value over the years, and I don't want to shortchange myself. I would love to say I want a girl who wants only me. I want to say my future is wide open and my destiny is my choosing. In reality, my destiny is this: I will live alone the rest of my life because I won't settle for anything but the woman I love. Whether any other woman is right for me or not, my heart has made its choice and it is final. I know she won't be mine, which leaves me with only one path. Nothing will take this love from me, which makes me a tragic character to some, but to me it's perfect. I'll take my love for her to my grave. I've dealt with not having her, and my head and heart have finally aligned and have agreed it's okay to live the rest of my life this way. 

What I've learned over the last few months is that it doesn't matter if I ever get the girl. This is important so I'll highlight it here. What I've learned is that it's not important to be successful. What is important is to do the right thing regardless of the outcome. I have to live with my actions, and that's the only thing I can change. The outcome is not always what I want, and I have to let go of whatever control I think I have. My heart is facing the right direction, and that's all I can do. 

There is a wistful hopefulness in this song, a feeling I understand well. It's what's keeping me alive. I've let go of so much, but I will never let go of that hope, even though this world will try to pry it from my hands. To protect it, I've sent it deeper into my soul and my heart until it courses through every centimeter of my tissues, until it cannot be cut or bled out of me. I am a living, breathing, walking, talking, carbon-based block of hope, through and through. The only way to take that hope from me would be to kill me. 

A peace has settled into me. It's the peace of a decision made that I can accept on all fronts. It's impossible to explain to someone how I can feel good about making a decision to love someone I can't have, to which I can only say that you have to meet her. You have to know her and let her fit into you as perfectly as she does me. It's okay if I can't explain it; I'm living it. For me, the war is over.