My type - part two

Broken. By lovelytheband. This song was released last year. I know nothing about this band, and I think the video is stupid. And that hair. It's kind of like A Flock of Seagulls hair (only not as stiff), and that's not a compliment. What follows is another post of using a song to illustrate something in my life. 

Lyrics: 

I like that you're broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you're lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you

I met you late night, at a party
Some trust fund baby's Brooklyn loft
By the bathroom, you said let's talk
But my confidence is wearing off

These aren't my people
These aren't my friends
She grabbed my face and that's when she said

I like that you're broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you're lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you

There's something tragic, but almost pure
Think I could love you, but I'm not sure
There's something wholesome, there's something sweet
Tucked in your eyes that I'd love to meet

These aren't my people
These aren't my friends
She grabbed my face and that's when she said

I like that you're broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you're lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you

Life is not a love song that we like
We're all broken pieces floating by
Life is not a love song, we can try
To fix our broken pieces one at a time

When I met my ex-wife in 1997, it was pretty clear she was messed up. I felt the same, though to a different degree. I thought we'd help each other through life, since we understood what life can do to you. Instead, she did to me far worse than what was already done. She was the kind of girl who had more trouble than me. There were warning signs. Before I moved to Ohio to be with her, she almost dropped the bomb on me. There was an unsent letter I later found that explained how she felt like she was in a rut, and that I would get dragged down with her, that she was no good for me. It turns out this unsent letter was prophetic. If she had sent it, would it have made a difference? 

My ex-wife wrote to a co-worker of hers about how she'd made bad decisions, one of which was marrying me. She felt she'd let life pass her by and was less-than-thrilled to spend the rest of her life with me. She wrote about a section on Craigslist that sort of replaced the "personals" section in newspapers and wondered if she should post something there. She read those personals religiously. In confiding in her co-worker that she made a mistake, she let go of me long enough for me to feel what it would be like if she left me. She then had a relationship with this co-worker which further informed me of what it would be like. She had left me in her heart. For her sake, I wished things had stayed that way. 

  

Things were never the same between us after that. It's hard to talk about it here because it comes back to me in waves that threaten to drown me. All I can say is I'm better now. I'm healthier now. I walked away from what I thought would be a never-ending car crash. And I thank God for new beginnings. 

There is a desperation in people who are broken that is difficult to describe. It can make for some magical moments. It can lead you down some strange corridors. It can make life exciting. Well, I think I've had enough of that kind of excitement. I want boring, if that's even an option now.

There are a lot of unanswered questions, of course, but it's clear I'm happier without her in my life. I wish her the best. I'll always remember the good times we had. Hopefully the bad times will fade from memory, but right now all I can see is how bad we were for each other. 

No more bad girls for me. No more girls who have more trouble than me. I can fix my broken pieces myself.