Sweet but Psycho

There is a trope in many Lifetime movies of the psycho woman. She may be a girlfriend or just a friend. But she is dangerous. And she's going to kill you. I used to make fun of this trope and say, "Always get with the psycho girl because otherwise you end up dead." But getting with the psycho girl in this case almost killed me.

I've been hearing Sweet but Psycho by Ava Max (not her real name) on the radio for a while now. I don't know all the lyrics. I don't care because it's a dumb song. All I know is the song reminds me of my ex.

Yes, she seems like a sweet girl. I'll give her that. Maybe she really is sweet. I don't know. But I do know she is fucking crazy demented. Like house-of-horrors demented. 

My son continues to berate me for divorcing his mother. Now he's claiming someone else is on board with condemning me. I think he said her name is Amy. Who the fuck is Amy? Who is he hanging out with besides his crazy mom? Crazy Amy, apparently. I wonder if Amy knows all the fucked up things my son's mom did to cause me to divorce her. I wonder if she cares. Or maybe divorce is always wrong, wrong, wrong and there's never a good reason for it. I was just being selfish and self-centered and wanted to fuck younger women. Then why haven't I fucked any?

When my son tells me I'm a bad dad and God says I must go "home" to be with his mom, I gently but sternly correct him by saying divorcing his mother was not something I took lightly. I prayed about it, received God's release from my marriage because of the hurtful behavior of his mom, and have no plans to return to that messed-up situation. In fact, I still expect her to make good on her promise, issued many times, to kill me if I left her.

If there was still any question in my mind about returning to that relationship, I may feel obliged to explore that option, but there isn't and I don't. Not only that, in order for me to return to that relationship, some pretty serious things would have to happen to me. I would have to incapacitated somehow. I mean, I would have to lose my cognition and will. A lobotomy might do it. Electric shock therapy? Maybe if I was run over by a bus and was paralyzed and needed 24-hour care, that would work. I mean, someone would have to change my diapers. May as well be her, since she shit on me our entire relationship. She can clean up my shit for a change. Not only that, but I'm pretty sure going back to her would put me right back on the suicidal path I was on.

I'm not sure my ex got the memo on "love, honor, and obey." She may have loved me, but she loved herself more.

I'm joking about this, of course. But not really. It would honestly take something that extreme to make me even consider getting back with her. I would have to literally lose control of my mind for that to happen. That's how farfetched that scenario is. She did not fully appreciate the gravity of the divorce as it was taking place — which was her last chance for reconciliation — so she will appreciate it for the rest of her life.

The upside of this is that she's going to follow me wherever I go, which means there will be no separation from my son, which has been a fear for me. The downside is the same. She will follow me wherever I go.

This whole situation with my son saying these things and me talking to his mom and having her say the same thing is exhausting and it is a good example of EXACTLY WHY I left that relationship. My ex's family has a history of mental illness. One of her friends even expressed to me that very concern after talking with her and, I assume, receiving the same line of bullshit.

I've lived long enough to know just because someone quotes scripture, it doesn't mean they are right or even in their right mind. But in all of this, I worry about my son. I worry he will turn off of God because he perceives his dad to be wrong. Or, far worse, God is wrong. Unfortunately, his mother is playing a high-stakes game with this little boy's spirituality. And that makes me angry. If she had just played the part of the martyred wife, she would have had a better chance of reconciliation. But in this game she is playing, I do not feel sorry for her. If anything, it has solidified my resolve to be rid of her.

I'm tired. Mostly I'm tired of this trope and this storyline. I want peace. And my divorce has given me peace. Though it was difficult at the time, I have realized just how insane the whole situation was. Or how insane she was, perhaps. 

For the time being, I'm trapped in a Lifetime movie. I hope it ends well.