Fifty reasons I'm good at relationships

To be fair, here are 50 reasons I am good at relationships. I've posted why I'm bad at relationships and why DC is a better choice for the girl I love (which is still maddeningly true), and I continue to add to those (what, 100 reasons?) in my head. Still, I have a lot to offer a future relationship with someone someday. I decided to write this addressing my audience because this is a very personal subject. Writing this, it became easy to see that, for the right girl, all of my relationship excuses can go away.

1) I can make good come from a bad situation. For a long time. I can see the good even in the bad. Less-than-ideal situations are much the same. I can live like that for a long time.

2) I write notes. Little love letters. Thinking-of-you stuff. When we're both busy (or just you who is busy), it shows I'm still thinking about you.

3) I can talk about nearly anything. Bad day? Let's talk about it. Don't want to talk about it? That's okay, too.

4) I'm very understanding.

5) And I don't hold grudges.

6) I'm an attentive lover. Whatever gets you off, I can handle it. Want me to go down on you? Of course. Every night? Okay. Unless you want to dress me in a furry costume. That's just way too hot. And not the good kind of hot. I think it was Picasso who said, "Sex and art are the same thing." Your body will be my canvas.

7) I want to be friends with my lover, too. That's the most important thing.

8) Although it may be just because I live in this head of mine, I think sometimes I'm really funny, though probably not funny in a traditional way. Maybe just funny in the weird, alcoholic uncle who shows up at family events once a year and everyone laughs out of politeness sort of way.

9) I smell nice. I put some essential oils on after my shower at night. It's a synergy blend from planttherapy.com called "Tranquil." I also squirt some stuff on my neck from American Eagle sometimes. My mom said since I moved in upstairs, the hallway always smells so nice. I guess it didn't before?

10) I have no police record (only one speeding ticket in my life) and have no outstanding debts. In fact, I have money in savings!

11) I'm used to sacrificing for the one I love. And I'm practiced in all of the love languages, though I'm probably better with my words and hands than anything else.

12) I'm moderately attractive, though I have a crooked nose from being busted a few times. My body isn't much to write home about, but I'm not extremely skinny or overweight. Since completing my 2-year degree, I've actually lost some weight and toned up a little (yeah, just a little), even.

13) Even when I'm mad, I'm funny.

14) I'm very supportive if you want to accomplish something. Or if you just want me to join you in the shower. Actually, I don't really care for shower sex. I seem to worry about the cost of heating water and when that hot water will run out more than anything else. But I'm still supportive. And economical.

15) Speaking of support, I support the division of household labor. I can (try to) fix things. I can vacuum, do laundry, help with dinner, clean the bathroom, mow the lawn, clean the gutters, air up the cars' tires, feed the baby, and whatever else needs to be done. I may not do any of those things perfectly, but it shows I want to help. If I'm the only one doing those things, then we'll have words, though.

16) I'm loyal.

17) I'm laid back and easy to live with. I'm also flexible and try to put others ahead of myself.

18) As if that wasn't enough, I like to problem-solve and find economical solutions.

19) I take care of things. By that, I mean I take ownership. I may not wash and wax my cars anymore, but I try to keep them clean and well-maintained. Things I own I try to treat well so they will treat me well.

20) I can set myself aside for the greater good.

21) I'm really terrible at a lot of things, but for you, I would do all of them. Meet the parents? Family gatherings? I don't get along with my parents or my own family (or any of my ex's family), but for you, I would meet your parents, laugh at your family's dumb jokes, love whatever food they make, as long as I go home with you afterward.

22) Considering how much time I've spent pondering international dating, it's safe to say I would literally go to the ends of the Earth to be with the right woman. I've picked up and moved twice to be with a girl (or to give our marriage a second chance). That's some serious commitment.

23) Want me to dump some of my Facebook friends or Instagram followers? Done. Think I glance at girls too much when we're out in public? Now I'm blind to them. Say the word and it's done. I want my baby to feel secure. You're the one I want, and I don't want you to think I'm still shopping. You're it for life, and I don't want to even give off a whiff of cheating. You deserve to feel protected from all of that nonsense. If you're already insecure, I don't want to add to that. I want to assuage your fears and insecurity.

24) I love cuddling, snuggling, whatever you want to call it. I want to wrap you up as much as I can. I won't live forever and neither will you. I want to show you how much I love you as many times as I can before I'm gone. It's safe to say I'm demonstrative when I love a girl. I will say, "I love you" a lot. I will give you hugs. I will slap your ass. I will kiss your neck as you're making dinner and make you blush (and possibly burn the sauce you're working hard on). You're beautiful and what's in my heart is beautiful too. We'll be beautiful together.

25) Need something from the store? Girl stuff, even? I can get that for you. Feeling overwhelmed? I'll take some things off your hands. Sick? I'll make you some soup. Tell me what you like. Don't like parsley in your soup? Well, shit, who does? No parsley then.

26) Want to hang out with your friends tonight? I'll watch the kids. I'm not great at stuff like that, but I want you to know you can take some time off being a mom. You do so much for me and for them. It's the least I can do for you! 

27) If you're inviting me into your life, I will respect the way you do things. Raising your kids a certain way? I won't change that. The rules of the house stay the same. Life is hard enough without someone coming and changing everything in your life. Hopefully, we'll all gel someday. But that takes time. I won't force it. I'm a gentleman.

28) If I say something about what you eat, it's because I want you to be around forever. I want to enjoy you as long as I can. Don't leave me early. It's not because I'm being a dick. It's the same reason why I don't want to put added stress on your life. It's because I love you.

29) Want to wait to have sex after we're married? You got it. I don't want to put that added pressure on you when our worlds are colliding. I'll wait months or years if you want to because simply being with you is orgasmic. Having sex with you would probably give me a heart attack anyway!

30) I love everything you wear. You think you have to wear fancy clothes so I think you're beautiful? You look fabulous all the time, no matter what you wear. Why? Because I'm in love with you, not your clothes. I admit, you look bangin' when you wear what you wear, but I'll love you just as hard when you come to bed in your t-shirt and "granny panties." No matter what you wear, I want to take it off you. Those boots, though. Now you're gonna have to play cowgirl with me.

31) What do you want to do for your birthday? We're doing it. No questions asked.

32) What do you want to watch on TV tonight? I don't even know what that is. Sure, we can watch it. It sounds great. I love doing anything with you, even sitting in the same room with you is a dream come true.

33) Having been through a bad relationship and still making it work for a long time, just think about how I'll do when I'm with the right girl. I've also learned how to speak up for myself. And if I value myself more, then I'll value you that much more. Because I will always put you first.

34) The only thing more important than you will be my relationship with God. I'm sorry. He will always come first. But my relationship with Him will make our relationship better. So don't worry, there's nothing to be jealous of there.

35) I realize your time is precious. Your job, your family, your kids, your friends, your home,  your hobbies (if you even have time for that), take up a lot of your time. I will try not to waste any of your precious time. If you choose to spend time with me, I won't take that for granted. In this day and age, our time is about the most precious thing we have. If you want to spend yours with me, I'll know how special I am and won't forget it.

36) Need to go to the doctor? Are you anxious about it? Want me to come along? Hold your hand? You bet I will. No one needs to go through a trying experience alone. We aren't meant to walk through life alone. And we all need some help through the slippery spots.

37) Even your bad habits are endearing. Because you're adorable. And I'm so lucky I get to wake up next to you.

38) I love to do little things to make your life easier. Clean a little here. Fix that annoying thing there. Bring in the mail. Take out the trash. Empty the dishwasher. I help wherever I can.

39) Even though I bristle when he's around, I'll try to be nice to your ex because he'll always have a special place in your heart. And because he's a great dad to your kids. Oh, and because I'm extremely jealous of all the time you spent with him in your life. I'm sure he's a great guy. I'll try my best to see that. I want to live in peace with everyone in my life. And your life.

40) Even though I grew up in a household where I had to interrupt and say outlandish things to be heard, I'll try my best not to interrupt you. It's hard sometimes because it's second nature to interrupt, but I want to hear your thoughts. Nothing could be more precious to me than what you have to say. If you dig deep and show me your heart, I'll never forget that. Making yourself vulnerable like that isn't easy. I know. I won't betray that trust.

41) You may think your quirks are weird. You may try to hide them. But I want to see them. I want to know all the little things that make you you. I want to know you on every level you feel comfortable letting me see. What you see as weird, I see as beautiful. Because it's a part of you, and you're the one I love.

42) I'm in touch with my feelings, which means I'm better able to make sense of yours. Don't hesitate to share your feelings with me. Even when you're angry, I want to know. Especially when you're angry with me. That validates my position in your life for one thing. And because we may need to have a conversation. Even if we walk away with nothing solved, the fact that we had a conversation says we're both invested in our relationship. So you can talk about your feelings all day long. And all night.

43) I've done things for love few men are willing to do. I'll do all of that again and more for you.

44) I don't have an agenda. I don't have ulterior motives. I say what I mean. Life is too short to be insincere. If you think I'm BSing you, think again. I'm not that guy. I want to have things the right way without cheating.

45) Just about anyone I could be with in the future has a past. I have to respect your past, even if it isn't pretty. Even if you're still kinda attached to it. Even if you talk about it way too much. It's part of your life, so I don't mind hearing about it. And someday our past will be better than that past, so it's all good.

46) I'm a practical, sensible-shoes kind of guy. Maybe a little boring, too, because of that. But I don't typically do stupid things because I think things through and methodically arrive at a destination before I act.

47) I'm a nice guy. I have my diamond-in-the-rough moments, too, but usually I'm nice. But, like I said, boring. On my tombstone, it will say, "He was okay." I'm sure a lot of people will say I'm an okay guy. I'm guided by my morals, which were instilled in me as a boy. My mom said I was a good boy. I'm still a good guy.

48) When a girl flirts with me, I turn into Mr. Dumb. I have no stomach for it. This is good for you because you know I'm not going to carry things too far.

49) I don't want to irritate you with my little Josh-isms. I clear my throat too much. I sometimes leave things sitting around the house. I make lots of stupid noises that annoy even me. I'm sure these things will annoy you. But I want you to know you can say something. I'll try my best to not do them around you. I know those little irritations add up over time. So feel free to tell me it annoys you. Or I may just do it to have fun with you. Until you clobber the shit out of me. And then we can have a little fight ... and makeup sex. Sound like a good plan? Good. Let's do that for the next ... oh, however many years we have.

50) I will love you like you've never been loved before. I'm a unique person. I love hard. That's my guarantee. I may not be perfect, but I have a big heart that only wants to love and be loved. 

All of this shows that, for the right girl, all of my excuses can go away. Love makes a way.

That was fun! And many thanks to Ryan Gosling for, well, for being Ryan Gosling. Thanks for reading!