my careless contagion

There is a trope in many Lifetime movies of the psycho woman. She may be a girlfriend or just a friend. But she is dangerous. And she's going to kill you. I used to make fun of this trope and say, "Always get with the psycho girl because otherwise you end up dead." But getting with the psycho girl in this case almost killed me. I've been hearing Sweet but Psycho by Ava Max (not her real name) on the radio for a while now. I don't know all the lyrics. I don't care because it's a dumb song. All I know is the song reminds me of my ex. Yes, she seems like a sweet girl. I'll give her that. Maybe she really is sweet. I don't know. But I do know she is fucking crazy demented. Like house-of-horrors demented.  My son continues to berate me for divorcing his mother. Now he's claiming someone else is on board with condemning me. I think he said her name is Amy. Who the fuck is Amy? Who is he hanging out with besides his crazy mom? Crazy Amy, ap...

Do people even use the word "irk" anymore? I don't know. But I'm irked. What was once a feeling of being bothered by my ex-spouse has turned into a full-blown feeling of being irked . All the time. In fact, I would say it sometimes turns grotesque. But we won't talk about that. Why am I so angry? I think it's a natural thing to dislike the person you divorced, right? Otherwise, why the hell did you divorce them? There are some reasons why that could happen, I realize, but eventually, in order to move on, your feelings have to reconcile with the facts. And the fact is she irks me.  I have to work with my ex-wife for the time being. I mean, I could probably get a job waiting tables, but it wouldn't pay me as much as this one (also, I'm pretty sure I don't care how you like your steak, sir), most likely, and the end goal is to save money and move away from here. I don't like where I live, and it seems like everyone here dies of cancer. Re...

*Generator, from the album of the same name (released in 1992) by Bad Religion, is one of my favorite Bad Religion songs. Of course, if you were to ask me what my favorite Bad Religion song was when I was in high school, I would have said, "Whichever one I'm listening to right now." Honest, sure, but a pointless answer.  If I'm going to talk about the most influential band in my life, then I have to find a starting point.  I was in an accident during my junior year of high school. While coming back from pheasant hunting with my brother, I slid off an icy road after applying my brakes. My brother Jon wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I was. My little Honda turned sideways and went off the road on the opposite side. If there had been an oncoming car, we would have been toast. Fortunately, we simply rolled onto our top in a ditch. I was suspended upside-down in my seat, flailing about (like a bat, Jon said) trying to "eject" myself. Once I found my se...