Done
As much as I would love to continue my education, it's okay if I don't. I miss my son, and the time I spent reading and doing assignments and tests and discussion posts can now be spent with him.
I feel grateful to have finally finished a two-year degree. I know it's not a real degree, but it's something. It may not mean anything in the real world, especially at my age, but it feels good. Once upon a time, I took an academic scholarship to a community college (based mostly on my ACT score of 29) for granted. Now, I am extremely grateful to have finally completed an associate's degree and to have completed it after more than 20 years' hiatus. How ironic. How I've grown.
It's anticlimactic. It's just over. Part of me will miss it. Part of me was ready for a break. I've been taking classes on and off since 2017. I've barely had time for living during the last two years. So, I kinda get my life back. The last seven months or so have been really busy at work, too, even though we lost one of our most important publications last year. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have done everything I did and that publication anyway, so for me, it was a blessing in disguise. And this year we've been working on a special commemorative publication, so that's a big deal. The whole thing had to be built from scratch. The last three months have been nonstop work for me. Some days I really didn't want to go home and work on homework or read anything. But I did. And now I don't have to anymore.
I guess there's a reason why most people do their education when they're young. The older you get, sometimes the harder it gets. I can honestly say I'm not as smart as I used to be. In some ways, I'm wiser, but that's not the same. I'm slower. I'm less adaptable. But, putting my work up against some of the presumably younger kids I had classes with, I can say my work was oftentimes far better. I realize this last semester I had more time on my hands to complete assignments, but some of those kids can't even string together words to make coherent sentences. Of course, sometimes I would reread what I had written and cringe. Was I on cold medicine that day? Yikes. But I digress.
So, after months (years?) of pretty intense stress both at work and at home, I am, of course, now sick. My body aches. I took Tylenol just to get out of bed because my back hurt (maybe because I had to shovel heavy, wet snow yesterday). Then today I had to shovel more snow (WTH, man). I've had a bad cough for months (and now a sore throat) and now it's nesting in my lungs. Every time I stand up, I have to brace myself because I black out. My tonsils are inflamed. My ears hurt. I've been coughing up some colorful stuff. One of my eyes got red as hell for three days, all the while oozing pus of some sort. At least I can see again out of both eyes. I guess this means my next priority is to get healthy.
For some reason, God answered my prayer and allowed me to continue my education. I promised my son after I got this two-year degree, I would be done. Now I am going to be a proper father to him and spend half my time with him as detailed in my custody agreement. His mom has been good about watching him when I'm not able. It's been hard to explain to him how my schoolwork impacted my time with him, but it's all over now. Now I can begin to repair my relationship with him. I can see how God used the time I was in school to isolate me and reveal certain things, which eventually pulled me back from the brink of destruction. What I began to see as a bad thing, God used for good. I didn't understand why being able to go back to school coincided with my divorce, but now I get it. My son, however, may never understand. But he will understand having his dada back.
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