my careless contagion

Nine years it's been. It was today nine years ago you came into my life, small but all there, as the NICU doctor noted. You came early for yourself but late in my life. Someday you'll be stronger and bigger than me. I am grateful God gave me you and all the time we've had together, though it seems improbable that half of it is already gone. I pray you grow strong and brave and faithful to the Lord and go far but always stay in touch. I tried to teach you everything you'll need to know, but only God knows the life you'll live, so I always directed you to Him. He will always be there, even when I am gone. You are the best thing God brought into my life, an unexpected blessing and always loved appreciated. Thank you for being my son.  — Your dad.  Thank you for reading. And God bless. Christian blog:  a-better-hope.blogspot.com And my other blog, None Dare Call It Treason.

A good man, they say, is hard to find. That's possibly true, though not as true as some would like to believe. Men had to unlearn how to be men in the face of feminism, which robs us of our God-given drive to love, protect, and provide for those God puts in our lives. I often have the urge to help a woman (say she's stuck in a snowbank or can't lift something), but unless she asks, I hesitate. Why? I don't want to be the creepy guy no one asked for but showed up anyway. I'm sorry, but that's the world now.  These are some things I gathered about good men. These are not all me (I'd like to think I'm a good man), but I am some of these things. I will say this: a good man is a game-changer, not just for women but everyone they affect. When a woman loves a man, that love multiplies. She gives him much more than just herself. It's hard to explain, but that's how it works. Women are amazing and created by God to do certain things. What they do, I canno...

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name. (John 1:12) Opinion by Greg Graffin still resonates deeply with me, as does the entire album on which it is found , American Lesion, released in 1997. The album, released in November 23 years ago, was Greg Graffin's first solo release (he has three now). Greg Graffin is most known as the frontman and principal songwriter of Bad Religion, the seminal hardcore band founded in 1979. He's also a doctor, as he has a Ph.D. in zoology. At one time, he was one of two leading index fossil scientists. Index fossils determine the age of the surrounding strata in which they are found, which helps gauge the age of other fossils when carbon dating isn't likely to help. So, he's a scientist. He's also an author and has written many books over the years. His interests are varied, and they all inform each other. This album was written after his div...

The night before kindergarten started, you fell asleep with your hand in mine, beneath your baby blanket that didn't cover your legs, and your head on your "Go," the stuffed helicopter you had since you were a toddler. It felt too much, too soon. Weren't you still my baby boy? It's clear we have you only for a time. You are borrowed. You belong to God, but this time with you is a gift He wants us to have.

I am done. No more classes. No more books. No more teachers' ... emails.  As much as I would love to continue my education, it's okay if I don't. I miss my son, and the time I spent reading and doing assignments and tests and discussion posts can now be spent with him.  I feel grateful to have finally finished a two-year degree. I know it's not a real degree, but it's something . It may not mean anything in the real world, especially at my age, but it feels good. Once upon a time, I took an academic scholarship to a community college (based mostly on my ACT score of 29) for granted. Now, I am extremely grateful to have finally completed an associate's degree and to have completed it after more than 20 years' hiatus. How ironic. How I've grown. It's anticlimactic. It's just over. Part of me will miss it. Part of me was ready for a break. I've been taking classes on and off since 2017. I've barely had time for living during the ...

  I'm going to start by apologizing. This post is going to be pretty scattershot. I know this because my thoughts are scattershot right now. I can barely keep things in their proper boxes, much less make sense of them. So, sorry.  A while ago I mentioned three things I wrote on a Post-It note — things I pray about daily that bother me. I won't name them all, but I do want to mention one. Let's just say there are only two things on that Post-It now.  I prayed before this week began that God would allow something very positive to happen in my life this week. And it did. Not only that, but I got to cross one of those dreadful things off my prayer list. My old apartment has been rented, so I no longer have to pay rent for two places. I wondered why God would give me the go-ahead to move into a new place and then have that hang over my head. As it was, I only paid about $150 to cover last month because my landlord used my security deposit to cover the rest. It's h...

I have a fear of drowning. Not me personally, though. I fear my son drowning.  Last weekend, my mother said she had a dream my son, Isaiah, went straight into their pool. A few weeks earlier, my oldest brother invited me and my son to spend some time with them on a lake. I declined because I said the water was too deep there, and I didn't feel comfortable having my son around water that deep. Soon after I said that, a friend of our family mentioned her son fell into a river while they were on vacation, and she had to jump in to save him. I felt justified.  This could be considered paranoia. If I didn't believe in the supernatural, I might agree.  I've had more than a dozen dreams of my son falling into water since he was born. Every time I would have those dreams, I would pray over him. When my little family moved to a property with moving water (three different water sources), the dreams remained the same.  I never kept Isaiah from playing near water, a...

My grandmother fell yesterday and broke her hip. She had surgery to repair it. As far as I know, she'll be fine. She was doing exercises. For the record, my grandmother is 101. I hope this will be the end of her living alone. Maybe this will be the moment she realizes it's okay if she lives with some sort of assistance. It's hard to acquiesce when you've lived by yourself for so long. I'm nearly 41 and my grandmother has been retired as long as I can remember. But, she's always been busy. She volunteers a lot. She was a founding member of a church that's not even a quarter of a mile from where I live now. She won't be there this Sunday, though. It seems like most people have a sweet little thing of a grandmother. My grandmother is a tough little shit. I don't think I've seen her be soft too many times. She had a favorite among us brothers, and it wasn't me. I can remember her picking me up from school ...