Opinion

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name. (John 1:12)

Opinion by Greg Graffin still resonates deeply with me, as does the entire album on which it is found, American Lesion, released in 1997. The album, released in November 23 years ago, was Greg Graffin's first solo release (he has three now). Greg Graffin is most known as the frontman and principal songwriter of Bad Religion, the seminal hardcore band founded in 1979. He's also a doctor, as he has a Ph.D. in zoology. At one time, he was one of two leading index fossil scientists. Index fossils determine the age of the surrounding strata in which they are found, which helps gauge the age of other fossils when carbon dating isn't likely to help. So, he's a scientist. He's also an author and has written many books over the years. His interests are varied, and they all inform each other. This album was written after his divorce, so it is a very personal look at a man many people admire. For many years, I considered it my favorite album (and I'm sure most of it is still memorized). Graffin wrote and sang every line, performed every instrument, and recorded it himself in his home studio. The first track is Opinion.

Recently, as I sat at my desk at work, my headphones on, I was reminded of this song. So, I listened to it (I don't know how it sounds otherwise, but on my headphones, it sounded good) and then began to cry. I hid my face as I listened to the song, as it sums up so well my formative years. The lyrics are below, though I feel they are understandable in the song. 

***

The first thing I remember was the friction in the room and that brown spinet piano that never played in tune, the cruel impatient tyrant, the frustrated malcontent, the need to find the pieces, and the absence of cement.

No one ever told me about the right way to love, and no one ever showed me what we're supposed to be made of, so don't be too forthright about what you think that I should be, and I'll willingly accept your low opinion of me.

The last thing I remember was the slamming of the door, and the resonance of my imperfection broke the silence once more, the selfish angry bastard who doesn't want to hear. I tried to learn compassion, you turned the other ear.

The worn-out broken record who doesn't fit the mold, the righteous independent, the mood so harsh and cold.

Momma never told me about the right way to love, and daddy never showed me what we're supposed to be made of, so don't be too forthright about what you think that I should be, and I'll willingly accept your low opinion of me.

***

Greg Graffin's parents divorced. I believe they were both educators, and he also taught to some extent. He spent many years of his life teaching people various things, from how society works to English grammar. While listening to this song, he taught me our lives were not dissimilar, though we went in entirely different directions with our pain. He became a rock star of sorts. I became, well, whatever I am. 

When I came back to the Black Hills and took a job working for my parents, I was shocked to see how they ran their business. I was mortified, actually. Where did I learn my values and morals, if not from these people? Why were my values and morals at odds with the way they ran their business? What changed? Why did they care so much about money? Why didn't they care about people? Who were these people? Slowly, over the intervening years, I saw they had not changed. I grew up differently. Indeed, my ex always remarked at how different I was from my brothers and the rest of my family. Even recently, an incident at work left her speechless, as she got a good look at the man who supposedly raised me (in truth, he was absent). The dissimilarity between this man and me is incomprehensible.

The lyrics explain so well how and why my life became what it was. I was never taught how to love. I was never shown how to live. A godly heritage is so rare and so precious. We become what we see. But I grew differently and learned how to love my own way. Without adequate role models, my spirit craved genuine love. I found it in God. About three years ago, I created a PowerPoint for a class. It was about how our culture perpetuates the myth of the midlife crisis. No data supports that myth. As we age, we tend to be happier with our lives and our spouses. Rather, what psychologists see is we often have a midlife correction, which involves a lot of retrospection. Those reading these pages are familiar with that process. My divorce was part of that correction, though the machinations of it began in my mid-30s or even before. What I see looking back is a wholehearted return to God and an attempt to correct the effects of my abusive childhood, though I didn't see that at the time. Though I made some mistakes and hurt some people unnecessarily, I do not regret that correction. Psalm 27:10 sums up that process nicely. 

My God has never forsaken me. If anything, I forsook Him for a time, though not completely. My wholehearted return to Him has been one of best things to happen to me. Through Him, much healing has taken place. Through Him, I can face an uncertain tomorrow. Though my past is troubled, my future looks bright. I know God can change me. He already has. I'm adopted into a different family — the family of God. And, while I realize it's largely up to him how he lives his life, I intend to raise my son in a godly way because I believe it is better and has more value than any amount of money.

Thank you for reading. And God bless.