The lesson of the bad sweater

I decided, after enduring one of the worst years of my life (2019), it's clear this new year needs to carry a different tune. In my praying and soul searching, I've gone to God to ask what kind of attitude I should have through all of these harsh realities. The answer was I should rejoice, I should praise Him, and I should be thankful. So I will focus on those themes in 2020. I do, after all, have a lot to rejoice about, praise God about, and be thankful for. 

God's answers to my many prayers are in themselves something to rejoice about, praise Him for, and be thankful for. But I was reminded of a moment when I was told to essentially discard a great blessing, at least, symbolically. It involved a bad sweater. 

It seems like a long time ago, but it wasn't that long ago. When my ex, Kate, and I moved to the Black Hills nearly 6 years ago, we were starting over. We barely had any money. She was working part-time, and we had crazy bills to pay. She cashed in her retirement account so we could stay afloat. I was full-time and got paid twice a month, and one of those paychecks went to health insurance after the baby came home. Our medical bills were still high, even though we had insurance. Those were hard years. There wasn't money for just anything we wanted. Since I hadn't really worked in a professional office atmosphere before, I didn't have a wardrobe for it. My dad gave me all kinds of cast-off sweaters and slacks and polos. Most of them were horrendous. I remember one day I put on a particularly bad sweater (think off-white and made of a sort of ropey material and with a sailing emblem). My ex instantly made fun of it, and I stood there at the door of my closet and said my parents had been very generous with us. They hired us even though we had no experience doing what we were hired to do. They paid us more than any of their employees. They gave us a loan to buy our home and did many other things, as well, not least of which was the sweater I was wearing. I said sometimes showing gratitude is wearing a bad sweater. She got my point. 

The sweater and many others like it eventually went to Goodwill or into the trash (and some I still wear), but for a while, I wore them, even though they didn't make me look very good. It was all I had, after all. I've never forgotten that sweater and what it symbolized. Getting to start over, especially so late in life, was a tremendous blessing. We came out here to give our marriage and our lives a reboot and to try to raise this kid together in a better place. We failed at some of those things, but not for lack of trying. Bad sweaters made all of that possible. 

I should point out I've never had much material wealth. I've always been pretty poor, as far as white Americans from upper-middle-class backgrounds go. For most of my 20s, I made a yearly income in the low- to mid-$20,000 range. We scrimped and saved and got by somehow. There were a lot of $16.99 oil change/tire rotations and trips to Big Lots for socks and deodorant. After we bought a small house, and when Aldi came to town, we bagged our own groceries and saved money there too. I grew food in our backyard and sideyard, planted fruit trees and bagged my grass for the compost bin. I fixed things myself when I could. I deep cleaned the carpets and washed and waxed our cars because I believed that you took care of the blessings God gave you. I still believe that, though I no longer keep my car clean like I used to. I'm older now, I've had a lot of cars, and I've only seen one car rust through a little. In spite of the washing and waxing.

I don't want to miss thanking God for any blessing, especially the ones that don't immediately look like blessings. Every day is an opportunity to grow and learn and change and follow Him. Some days I wake up and feel the weight of the world on me, but God didn't put that there. I did. I intend to shove that burden off and embrace the wonderful things God has gifted me with. My focus this year is to see all the things I should be thankful for. It may not make sense, and it may be repetitive and boring, but I encourage anyone reading this to follow along. And do it in your own life.  

Yes, I have lost things of great value recently. Yes, some of that was my choice. Some of that I didn't see coming. Some of it blew up in my face, forever scarring me. But. All of that is nothing compared to what God has done and is doing. Even if God only did one thing for me — buy my salvation — it would be more than enough to praise Him for all eternity, but He didn't stop there. He made endless provisions to bless His people not just in eternity but right here, right now. I want those blessings. I'm going to claim them. 

Thank you for reading. I hope you all are as excited about the new year as I am. 

I had some trouble with my posts this week. This one was supposed to post a few days ago but did not. I apologize. This time I blame myself and not Blogger.