my careless contagion

Lately it was impressed upon me the power of the tongue. I started reading a book about blessings and curses, and another book I'm reading has a lengthy section about it, as well. And then there was another book before that which said much the same. Can you tell I'm a little dense? Herein are a few notes on the power of the tongue.  The power of the tongue is amazing. In it is life and death. But how often do we treat it that way? I feel tremendously uplifted or downgraded depending on who I talk to. How I talk to myself (which is what this blog was) is also incredibly important. How many times did I say untrue things about myself? I am deserving of love. I made mistakes but we all do. Someone still loves us. Just because I screwed up doesn't mean no one will ever love me. I will never be perfect as long as I live on this planet, but being loved is about the most perfect feeling there is. I believe love is in my future.  Luke 6:28 says to bless those who curse us and pray f...

Wrote this a while back. It’s still good. My writing isn’t very good lately, but it gets the point across.  I was a shy boy, an introvert. Saying anything, especially hello, is hell for people like me. But, saying hello was the easiest thing in the world when it came to her. I said hello once and it stood. One hello. Please stay forever. Saying hello to her was natural and right. It was saying goodbye that didn’t work so well. Some people are always welcome in your life. You hope they make themselves at home. Stay the afternoon, the night, and then a lifetime. Cindy was the easiest hello and the hardest goodbye. In fact, I never really said goodbye. And I don’t intend to. Some people fit perfectly into you. Have you noticed? Like they were carved that way in advance by Unseen Hands. Like they were part of the plan the whole time. Drawn together. Designed that way. Without them, something is missing. With them, one feels whole. That is my girl. That is how I feel. I never wanted to ...

Twenty-two notebooks. These are they. Twenty-two notebooks of my writings going back to 1995 or 1996 (I started writing on yellow legal paper) up until 2017 or 2018. Why am I bringing this up? I'm glad you asked, faithful reader. Because those notebooks I just threw out. Herein is another prayer, full of hope and expectancy.  I asked God about what might be tying me to sad emotions, unhappiness, etc. Whatever was stealing my joy, I wanted to get rid of. If you leaf through those notebooks, you'll see why I got rid of them. It was full of trauma, pain, and endless emoting over past hurt. I was attempting to grapple with the sad state of my life, my childhood, etc. There is even a note in there about how my brother grabbed my hand so hard it bled. This was after I left home, mind you. I don't need those things anymore. Is this symbolic? Perhaps. And it might mean something more to throw them out. If there is anything connected with those notebooks that is pulling me in a sad ...

My friends, if you have time and the inclination, will you pray with me? My dear friend is in a dreadful spot. She needs a way out. She needs a door to open. My friends, she is stuck and hurting. Pray with me, if you will.  Heavenly Father, we lift up to you my friend Cindy. Lord, she is hurting. She despairs of life. Many unfair circumstances persist in her life. And she is unable to move forward, though she desperately wants to. She is laden with heavy burdens too heavy to bear. Lord, you know Cindy, and you know she is kind, one of the kindest of your creation. She is a special woman, and we ask that you show her your special plan for the rest of her life. We lift her up to you in prayer and supplication. We ask that you station your angels around her and her family to always protect them from the attacks of the enemy. We also know she is very hard on herself. Remind her you can do so much with a broken vessel, perhaps more than one that is whole. Pour your love into her and let...

It bears repeating. Sigh. I question if I adequately described my current and longrunning state of mind in the last post by this name, so will continue here. Can I sum up my state of mind? Psalm 88 , which is arguably the saddest psalm, accurately describes how I feel. Every single line of the psalm perfectly reflects my life and my heart's cry. I shouldn't need to explain further, but I will. Care to join me?  Why is my life so sad, you ask? That is perhaps too broad a topic. All I know is it is not my choice. But someone is making decisions, so I must be choosing it somehow. Little decisions add up to big things. What we think in our minds becomes our life. So they say. If so, I will think of beautiful women on piles of money on my bed. Actually, just being able to sleep at night would be okay. Piles of money and women were never my fantasy, though I'm completely down with snuggling. After going through separation/divorce/losing the love of my life — which I wou...

I decided, after enduring one of the worst years of my life (2019), it's clear this new year needs to carry a different tune. In my praying and soul searching, I've gone to God to ask what kind of attitude I should have through all of these harsh realities. The answer was I should rejoice, I should praise Him, and I should be thankful. So I will focus on those themes in 2020. I do, after all, have a lot to rejoice about, praise God about, and be thankful for.  God's answers to my many prayers are in themselves something to rejoice about, praise Him for, and be thankful for. But I was reminded of a moment when I was told to essentially discard a great blessing, at least, symbolically. It involved a bad sweater.  It seems like a long time ago, but it wasn't that long ago. When my ex, Kate, and I moved to the Black Hills nearly 6 years ago, we were starting over. We barely had any money. She was working part-time, and we had crazy bills to pay. She cashed in her ret...

Being a Christian can be very hard. Being a warrior Christian is unbelievably hard because the enemy is strong. Making mistakes and then paying for them in this life (thumbs to chest) is also very hard. Unfortunately, I fit the latter description most often, as this blog bears witness. But, when we get out of our own way, God blesses us. That's what this post is about.  My life is not perfect. I've been walking around with a broken heart as long as I can remember. Losing the girl I love was hopefully the last heartbreak for a while. I feel God stitching me back together, and quickly. The conversation of Oct. 26 gave me the closure I needed. I was operating under some very bad, specious information and false impressions, and I was set straight that day. Later conversations cemented everything, enabling me to go forward with the right information. That door has closed, and whether it opens again or not is not up to me. If I'm good at anything, it's admitting I'm ...