Saying hello

Wrote this a while back. It’s still good. My writing isn’t very good lately, but it gets the point across. 

I was a shy boy, an introvert. Saying anything, especially hello, is hell for people like me. But, saying hello was the easiest thing in the world when it came to her. I said hello once and it stood. One hello. Please stay forever. Saying hello to her was natural and right. It was saying goodbye that didn’t work so well. Some people are always welcome in your life. You hope they make themselves at home. Stay the afternoon, the night, and then a lifetime. Cindy was the easiest hello and the hardest goodbye. In fact, I never really said goodbye. And I don’t intend to.

Some people fit perfectly into you. Have you noticed? Like they were carved that way in advance by Unseen Hands. Like they were part of the plan the whole time. Drawn together. Designed that way. Without them, something is missing. With them, one feels whole. That is my girl. That is how I feel.

I never wanted to say goodbye. I wanted her to always be in my life and expected that. She's special, more special than anyone else. She hides the Word in her heart, which is the mark of a godly woman. She keeps her lips pure before the Lord. She rejoices with those who rejoice and mourns with those who mourn. I know God will give her the desires of her heart because she delights in Him. She is greatly blessed and will be blessed even more. She accepts God's correction and humbles herself before Him. What would a man want more than to spend the rest of his life with a woman like that? She is a gift only God can give. 

I often speak in broad generalizations; I know some of the specific things she has done. But, I know she has essentially forgiven tens of thousands of dollars in child support owed her over the years, not to mention the emotional toll of the unkindness leveled against her in her marriage. I know she meets people when she's out walking and invites them to talk with her about Jesus. When God corrects her thoughts about someone, she asks forgiveness. She constantly seeks to fill the need in others, whether at home, work, or in the world at large. She turned down a job that would have been perfect for her (and, no doubt, a lot more money) because the move would have negatively impacted her relationship with her children. She forgave so much hurt and abuse and neglect. She even saved her pastor's life recently, as if all of that wasn't enough. So, dear readers, let's pray for her. She's done everything for those around her and has not lived for herself. I know she does much more than we'll ever know, and often all by herself. Sometimes I get angry she has done so much and been given back so little. I pray to God with hot tears and a heavy heart. I seek what is just. I pray accordingly. Let's all pray God blesses her mightily. 

I pray God brings a new job opportunity along soon, one where she won't have to choose between her children and her job, an opportunity that checks all the boxes and not just some, a blessing that won't add sorrow to her life. I pray God brings the right man into her life who will protect, complete, love her as she desires, and minister in a godly way, as well as create an environment for her continued healing. I pray the love and grace she extended to all those around her is returned many times over. I ask that God restore the years the locusts have eaten many times over. I pray restitution over her household, finances, heart, soul, and anything else stolen, killed, or destroyed in her life. She returned kindness for wrongs. Love for abuse. Beauty for pain. Grace for ingratitude. Peace for war waged against her. Gentleness for roughness. She was a saint when infidelity was flaunted in her face. I cannot find a more beautiful soul. Oh, how I wish she belonged to me. But she belongs to God. And that is better. Cindy has been faithful in much. God has taken note. I pray He blesses her even more than she ever expected, in this life and the next. 

It was never my intention to say goodbye. For her, I will always have a hello. I ask these things full knowing it doesn't affect my future with her. Yes, I still love her. Yes, I would be thrilled to spend whatever time I have left with her. Even to see her for a few minutes here or there. But, more important than what I want is to see her happy and fulfilled, living a life of even greater blessings. If anyone still reads here, please pray these things with me. 

If anyone wondered why I spent so much time writing about this girl, maybe now you know. This is my heart splattered across these pages. I love her. 

***

Last month I started keeping track of the rental situation in town. I even drove past a few to see where they were, even though I’m not ready to move out. I think it is important to keep looking forward. My priority is my son and his progress, though, and he greatly dislikes school at the moment. He’s been saying that all year. But I also found out he hasn’t been playing with other kids much at recess. Pray he finds a playmate. (We will see if we can make a playdate with one of his friends.) That would help so much. 

There were multiple breakthroughs late last year. I haven't said a whole lot about that, yet the fact remains. I am in a very different place now than even a few months ago. God gets all the glory for that. I had to get rid of some stuff. Tossed a bunch of old CDs because they may have some energy that affects me negatively. Who knows? I'm just trying to do my best and make progress each day. Amen. 

Thank you for reading. And God bless.

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