Growing old with you
Adapted from a previously unpublished post. Written a while back and edited. I know who is in my heart. I realize this is a tired thread. That's why I surrendered it to God. I will say this. When I spend time with the girl I love, my thoughts and words are different. I am typically logical, methodical, and mechanical. With her, my thoughts and words are like fireworks, all over the place. She touches parts of me I didn’t even know existed, and they come alive just by her touch. There are multiple things about this post I dislike. It’s frustrating because it has some merit, too. What seems to bother me most is examining a scenario I greatly detest, which is being with someone I am not currently in love with. Actually, it turns my stomach. Now I’m sure you can’t wait to read it. So, here is a very imperfect post about love and marriage (which go together like a horse and carriage, I’m told). I have two more posts after this but felt this one should get out of the way first, since I can’t figure out what else to do with it. Just give it to God, Joshua.
A man who seeks a wife desires a good thing, the Bible says, and God does not withhold good things from His children, it also says. I have a godly desire to be with a godly woman. This post is about her. If God lets me choose, she is already chosen.
It is not good for a man to be alone. Being alone, for me, is not healthy or fun. I want to have fun with a woman. Uplift her. Take care of her. Give and receive hugs in the kitchen. Race home after work to see her. Or wait patiently for her to arrive. I've been alone in my heart for a long time. I seek a good thing.
God will get me there. I recently witnessed a miracle in my job search. I spoke to God beforehand and asked for confirmation. I had one thing in my mind and never said it aloud. Only God could have known. That exact thing came about in the second interview. I knew at that moment it was the one. And it was the only one I was even mildly excited about. I know God can do the big things in our lives. We just have to submit to Him, pray, and follow. Anything is possible when God is in charge.
What I enjoy is making a woman happy. Hearing her laugh. Seeing her smile. It's all about that. When she feels safe and happy, I’m good. You can talk about love languages all you want. Making someone happy is what does it for me.
I want embraces. Cuddles. Simple things. Notes on the fridge. Laying on the couch with her near. Cleaning the house together. Walking the dog. Doing chores knowing you're doing it together and so you can fall into bed later, tired but happy to be nowhere else in the world but together. Watching the kids grow up. Laughing together. Back-porch sitting in the summertime. Grilling. Church picnics. All the stress, too, because it is so worth it. Making jokes and having fun. Staying on the sunny side of the street. Hearing her laugh and seeing her smile. Those aren't small things. They're the biggest and best things.
And when disaster strikes, as it likely will, I'll hold her close and feel her crying into my chest or shoulder. I'll be her rock. She'll be my cheerleader. We'll hold each other up. Until one of us falls down for good. And it will happen someday, but not today. We'll grow old together, and gracefully, as only married Christians do: with eternity in our eyes. We'll serve God together, pray together, uplift and support one another, and watch each other grow. Yes, it is a great hope of mine to say these things. It is in my heart. That is because it is a godly desire, put there by God Himself. If I hadn't forgiven so thoroughly those who hurt me, I never would have gotten here. Forgiveness is a miracle. It makes everything alright. God knows I've hurt others. I need forgiveness too. Marriage is no different. We hurt each other, but we don't mean to. Love covers a multitude of sins.
Yes, I have desires. What is in my heart drives me. But He directs my steps. Both processes are necessary to get where we are going. If your heart aligns with what He wants, He will direct you in the way you should go. And it will happen sooner than you think. There is a verse that says God gives us the desires of our hearts. The prerequisite is we delight in the things of the Lord. Then He can give us the desires of our hearts. He can't give us things that aren't good but freely gives things that are. What are the things of God in which we can delight? I have an answer, surprisingly, and it is found in chapter 58 of Isaiah.
We have not because we ask not. If you want it and are pretty sure God says it is a good thing, ask until you get it. I asked God to expedite my progress in all areas. Since then, some things moved quickly. Ask Him to remove obstacles. Nothing is too hard. This isn’t about me. This is about experiencing God’s blessings. I don’t deserve anything, but I want them all, regardless.
I want to love a woman. (And I do. Just from a distance.) There isn't much in this world nicer than that. I want to love and be loved and then die and sit on Jesus' lap, where I will be loved forever. It is a wonderful thing. But only God can do it. I'm too dumb to get there on my own. I don't trust myself. But I trust Him. I thought this blog was pretty much done recently but gave this space to God, too. Maybe it will have a new life.
I also want to see my son grow up. I want to grow old and watch whatever he does. It feels good to be a part of something bigger than me. He may not be now, but someday he will be. His life will expand exponentially. It will be amazing.
We don't have God's blessings because we don't ask. Sometimes what we're asking for requires a miracle. Don't back down. Go forward and ask. What is the worst that can happen? I'm asking for a godly wife by my side, one who won't interfere with my walk with God. I know God can provide. If not, He has something better. Either way, it is out of my hands, and that is fine. I'll grow old with God by my side, and then we'll cross Jordan together. So many blessings are ahead. God keeps reiterating Jeremiah 29:11 to me. I don't know anything, just like I didn't know anything before I prayed about the right job, but I know God has a plan. This post is another prayer.
It's not imperative I am with a woman. What is important is the soundness of my relationship with my Maker. If He blesses me with a mate, that's great. I will praise Him all the more. I put in the work. God knows my heart.
Don't you think someone out there would like to be with a guy like me? I'm kind, generous, smart, and funny. At least that’s what I tell myself. Sure, I got messed up by life, but I have a lot going for me. And I'm growing. Here is my personality type. (An overview is here.) Wouldn't some girl like a guy like that?
Here's hoping. Wishful thinking, maybe. Prayerful desiring? All of that.
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There is one more thing. Bear with me because it is very important. It may be the most important thing I've ever said. It bears repeating. Here it is:
Haha. Y'all take care. Everything will be okay. God is in charge.
Thank you for reading. And God bless.
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