my careless contagion

Adapted from a previously unpublished post. Written a while back and edited. I know who is in my heart. I realize this is a tired thread. That's why I surrendered it to God. I will say this. When I spend time with the girl I love, my thoughts and words are different. I am typically logical, methodical, and mechanical. With her, my thoughts and words are like fireworks, all over the place. She touches parts of me I didn’t even know existed, and they come alive just by her touch. There are multiple things about this post I dislike. It’s frustrating because it has some merit, too. What seems to bother me most is examining a scenario I greatly detest, which is being with someone I am not currently in love with. Actually, it turns my stomach. Now  I’m sure you can’t wait to read it. So, here is a very imperfect post about love and marriage (which go together like a horse and carriage, I’m told). I have two more posts after this but felt this one should get out of the way first, since I ...

If I could sum up my hopes and dreams in one photo, this might be it! I jest. Perhaps. Also, it looks like I have a while to wait, cus my future wife needs to grow up a bit. I jest again. This time for real.  But seriously.  Okay, I don't want to be serious. I have too much time on my hands at the moment. I wanted to take a nap today but took a bath instead. These decisions are hard to make. Tomorrow, it's back to the grind. Whatever that means.  I just wanted to post the picture because it is funny and it made me laugh and then hurt a little but figured I should also write something. So I did. There. Done. Have a blessed day.  My YouTube videos Click here for my new blog, None Dare Call It Treason.  

What if? Those are two of the most powerful words in the English language when put together. I held onto the above photo in case my "what if" came true. What if she did come back? She never did, of course, as this blog bears witness. But it got me thinking about the power of wishful thinking and what all of that means.  Wishing and hoping take place in the imagination, which is an often misunderstood and neglected part of brain. It's a beautiful place and sometimes a horrible place. It's whatever we want. We control it. Our will directs what we wish and hope for. It doesn't have to bear any resemblance to reality. And it has a power we do not fully understand. I believe everything human beings do begins right there in our imagination. Without it, we aren't human. We're robots or cattle or something. But even cattle probably imagine eating grass before they do it. Hey, how about some grass? What if I eat it? It would taste good. Let's do that. Let's...

  Sometimes I daydream about her. Oh, perhaps sometimes isn't the right word. I daydream about her often. She will never know the lovely things I conjure for us. She wouldn't understand anyway. I built a whole life for us there on the other side of the wall. The wall will always be there, but so will my dreams about her.  When you love a woman who is far away, somehow, some way, you find a way to be with her. It may seem like madness to some, but they live only on one side of the wall. Never do they cross over. Me, I'd like to live on the other side where the dreams live. My body is here, so I always have to come back.  Sometimes I see her walking with me. On a beach in the sun. On a sidewalk lit by streetlamp at twilight. Down the hallway to the bedroom. She is beautiful. And I am damned to eternal longing. She is gone, so far away, and I am lost in dreams. Sometimes, when I walk alone, I talk to her like she hears me. But she doesn't. No one is there to hear me. My h...

They say you can judge the real power of a man by the size of the smile of the woman next to him. And I see you beaming as you approach him. It's your wedding day. You're more beautiful than I remember.  I'm so glad (and apprehensive) you invited me to your wedding. To see your man's hands tremble slightly as you walk your floating-on-air way of walking to him, your eyes locked, it's so special and so perfect.  As he says his vows, I hear a little tremble in his voice. There is excitement, but there is also a wall of emotion pushing against his vocal cords; it's rivulets of feeling I hear. I can tell he loves you, but so much bigger than that. He knows he's found a precious thing in you, and he is more than ready to say that word "forever," even though we all know there is no such thing. Standing where I am, I see you blushing. Even your ears have turned red. There is a rushing in you, too, that begs to meet his rushing. When you're al...