Various oddities (random stuff part two)

Here we go again with random stuff! Why not? It's fun and no one gets hurt. Well, I hope no one gets hurt. Maybe some egos. Maybe some Eggos. This is just for fun. So, grab a hot drink and take a seat around the fireplace! Let's get this party started. Low-key party, though, cus I'm old and the tea knocks me out. Chamomile. That's the good stuff. This is a long post. But it might be the most important thing you'll read all year. Or just a really long, stupid, but hopefully fun read. 

There is a lot to unpack these days. I felt a great sense of relief when the Supreme Court denied the OSHA vaccine mandates, which would have affected my workplace. God answers prayers. The devil never sleeps and has but a short time to unleash his hatred on humanity. But, not today. 

Yeah, I expected the apocalypse to be a lot sexier too, just like in the movies. Instead, we are all looking like The Dude from The Big Lebowski (with a mask). Sigh. But, I did love that movie once upon a time.

Yeah, well. It says what it says. I just don't understand the floating phone. I guess that's how they're tracking us. Selah. 

Sarcasm is basically sanctioned lying, if you think about it. But why are those guys wearing the same suit? And their hair is similar. Oh, this whole scene makes me suspicious. Perhaps these are the government goons who track us. 

Boy, if you ever wanted to break someone who is into celebrities, just show them this. Talk about taking a bat to a hornet's nest. 

I'm not even sure what this means, but it's probably true. You got me, sign. I give up. Signs are helpful, even if they're not. This one isn't. 

They probably missed a sign. Have you ever felt like you were going off course? Missed a turn? Missed a few turns? Missed a few turns and a few signs? Yeah, me neither. I don't even know what I'm talking about. 

Confucious said something like what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Yeah, not really. Have you ever seen a dead tree that was still standing? I rest my x case. But, hey, let's keep it light, folks. It's funny. Haha. Haha? Okay, moving on. 

Oh, SPAM. I love SPAM. It's one of my favorite childhood camping meals. Fried SPAM with creamed corn. Why SPAM is so disliked by people I'll never know. They probably haven't tried it with creamed corn. Or maybe they weren't hungry enough to try it. 

I do this. It's one of the pitfalls of being able to see things from others' perspectives instead of just blindly blundering on. I've argued myself out of my own argument many times. It’s okay admit you are wrong or that your perspective isn’t the only valid one. 

What can I say? Lyrics are just suggestions, like one of those choose-your-own-adventure books. 

Hey, it's for your safety. But why does it have to be so darned annoying? My Toyota is especially annoying this way, but at least I'm safe as houses. 

Never mind. We are all doomed. I actually looked up the basis for this meme. It's a carpet-cleaning machine she's using. One of my favorite variations has her cleaning up blood. Those dead eyes lend themselves to a lot of horrible scenarios. 

This one makes me a bit angry. It never should have gotten to the point where someone decided to take a photo of a hapless older man. Unfortunately, common decency is not always common. Unless it is a staged photo, of course. Then it's flippin' hilarious. Haha, it’s like hot cheese. Brilliant. 

Another brilliant one. I'm a bird watcher, too. I watch them come and go, but I don't know what they are, except when I do, and then I'm only semi-sure. Birds are fascinating. And there are a million of them. That I know. So what if I don't know all their names? Do you know the names of everyone who passes you on the freeway? If you do, you're probably the government. Goon. 

I love turtles too! They are majestic creatures. Except for the big, snappy ones. Those can go straight to hell. This one looks pretty cute. 

Can I retract my previous statement about birds? Well, they are still fascinating. Somebody definitely needs to watch these birds. 

I wish I had money to buy all the stupid stuff I want. This looks like a big elephant poo, but I'm sure it's cozy. That plant has to go, though. I've been impaled by one of those many times, and it is dangerously close to the elephant poo pod. And who puts candles on a rug on the ground? What are you, a lunatic? Calm down. Breathe. Get in the poo pod with your fuzzy Slanket and take a nappy. While the house burns down. 

It's the height of laziness, perhaps, but I do this. I'm pretty sure I don't want to talk to whoever is calling; I'm just making sure. Can't be too careful these days. I used to get calls from Haiti, which would make sense if I knew anyone from Haiti. Never been there. This guy has probably been to Haiti.

Also done this many times. Sometimes my packages would go to the house next door and then I'm stubbornly waiting for them to bring it over to me. Hey, I know you have my package. Don't pretend it's yours. I know where you live. 

Yeah, we don't fix those things anymore. Unless you want to pay for it, bud. I have things to buy on eBay. You think I can afford whatever it is you think I need to fix? Actually, having a company vehicle allows me to essentially park my car and use it maybe once or twice a week, which is nice. Only I have to take care of two vehicles now. Shucks. 

This is an accurate representation of me working. I have no idea what I'm doing. But I'm glad to have a job and at least fake it. Actually, I am kind of getting the hang of it. It's hard because I'm essentially learning a new language at the same time. My boss even liked one of my ideas recently, which is a miracle cus I just throw stuff out there. Some of it has to stick. 

Yeah, I can't wait to train someone. What are these clowns even doing? That's what everyone will wonder. If only my uniform looked as snappy. 

At least I haven't felt this way for a while. I'm glad to have a job, even if I have no clue what I'm doing. Hopefully, by the time this post goes live, I will have a clue. 

This is how weekends look. I would do this every day if I could. 

So annoying. What's with all the questions? Why can't we all just agree we are here for the snacks? Have you tried the bacon-wrapped whatevers yet? I only go places where I know there will be food. I don't go to be investigated. Creepers. 

I don't think this would be the same if a stranger did this to me. My hair has seen better days. But, as I like to tell literally everyone, at least I still have hair! 

Yep, one time I fell asleep like this with my son talking to me and the TV on. Just lights out. I hope to make a habit of this as time progresses. 

Another stupid thing men do: well, everything. Ever watch Fail Army? It's almost all young men. Testosterone makes us stupid, probably. I have my theories.

And sometimes we like dad jokes. Cus they are the bomb. As in, they bomb. 

I guarantee this is a bunch of guys in a lab (probably wearing crocodile outfits). No women involved. They are too smart to let this go down. 

I wasn't sure bringing back dinosaurs was a good idea until I saw this. Yep, green light that! Let's see it. Where is my croc suit? 

Maybe God looks at humanity like this. I know I have these moments. Yes, God cares about us, but, come on, why are y'all wearing croc suits? Let’s do better. 

It's good to have the works of so many godly men and women who went before us. It gives us quite an advantage. If you find a mature Christian who can share their accumulated wisdom, that is a gift. Keep them in your life. I determined to do just that. 

I like pranks like this. No one gets hurt. It's fun. It's life-affirming. And, dang, that looks professional. Good job. 

Little things can make your day. Be a good person and maybe you can have more of those things. Letting someone cross the road doesn't make you a good person, but it doesn't make you a bad person, either. Letting someone know you appreciate a moment of care is a good thing, too. Boy, this post is wimping out on the edge factor. I've lost my edge. Sorry. I'm all soft and gooey these days. 

Haha. We all do it. It's stupid but humorous. Maybe that's why we keep letting people cross the street. It makes us smile. 

Oh, man. I've done this so many times. People expect a "bless you" but I say, "oh, wow" instead. It cracks me up, especially if they say "thank you" afterward. 

Seems about right. I tell people caffeine was 90 percent of my personality. Since I stopped drinking caffeine, my personality is 100 percent tired. It's not a good representation of who I am, but, actually, this is how I am without a psychoactive substance in my veins. Oh well. Sleepy it is. 

This is pretty much all the major sports, isn't it? At least the ones worth watching. What a wily thing to do, putting balls where other people don't want them. Don't make that dirty. Oh, go ahead. I can't stop you. Then you can't stop me from writing about memes all day, sucka. 

Why do I suspect this is a Florida thing? You know the reason for the whole "Florida man" thing? It's because of the way laws are written in Florida. Information about crimes committed is available to anyone, so it's in the public record. Not so in other states. I guarantee a lot of weird stuff happens all around the country, but Florida gives access to that information. Thus, Florida man. 

Have you ever gotten a compliment and glowed the rest of the day? Yeah, me neither. But that waffle looks good.

I love retro. We think, man, how prudish of them to sleep like this. No, this makes a lot of sense. This allows both parties to actually sleep at night. Cus I know I toss and turn a lot. And never mind all my digestive noises and snoring. And the drooling! Holy crap; how can anyone sleep with all of that going on? And what about sex? They can have all the sex they want (and sleep well afterward). He can lovingly bend her over any piece of furniture in the house (of her choosing and for her comfort, of course). They don't need to have a king-size bed to have sex. He does look like he's ready, though. (What is he even looking at? Perhaps his own dirty thoughts.) Honey, put that book down. It's time to christen these green blankets. Your bed or mine? Shall we turn off the green lamp or leave it on? I just love this scene. It's perfect. I'm sure I ruined it for y'all. Does she really need that hassock to get into bed? (Actually, that might be a chair.) Or is that for something he has planned for later? Those headboard flowers are a nice touch, though. What on earth is she reading? Put the book down, already. Pull that ribbon from your hair. It's go-time. 

This bathroom is decidedly not modern. Not one bit. Whoever decided carpet in a bathroom is a good idea is a psychopath. And they probably died from gangrene. A bathroom like this was only good for swingers back in the day, people who didn't give a whiff about things like bacteria or dirt. And what's up with the lighting? Two giant suns are what we get? I'd probably bonk my head on them and fall down every day. It's a good thing the bathroom is carpeted because I'd hate to fall on something hard. Oh, what a horror show. 

I could spend all day dissecting retro food. But I'd rather eat it. Why not? It didn't kill my ancestors. It may have even made them stronger! 

This is just bad advertising. Canada Dry is good. This ad is not. Someone — like the police — needs to ask that kid's parents some questions. Why does he look like he got robbed? And that is waaaaaay too much sugar. You're setting him up for obesity, bad teeth, and heart problems. Holy shinola. 

Hail the golden dawn! Everything is brown! I like all of this except the pleather chair. I disliked one so much when I was a kid I cut it open. And then got beat to an inch of my life. But it was worth it. Those things are ungodly. Look at those drapes! I need those. And the lamp is perfect. Just for an accent, how about a lime green pillow? Perfect! Haha, how did we all survive those years with our sanity intact? 

Actually, this explains a lot. They do go to the bathroom in packs. If a guy is asking his buddies to accompany him to the bathroom, that's a different vibe, but girls can do it. This is probably why. I'm going with this as fact. 

I don't why. This just cracks me up. Maybe I should celebrate the bad stuff that happens to me. It could completely change the vibe and, perhaps, my outlook.

Why? Every time. Throw some confetti, dude. I guess it helps. 

They say to listen to your body. If my body is saying this, then I've heard enough. 

This is 100 percent my son. This is probably what he hears in his head all day. I've never seen such a busy little body or mind or mouth or ... person. But, then again, I've never spent 7 years with a child before him. Maybe they're all like this. 

But then he'll do anything other than what I tell him to do. It's a fun little dynamic. 

Stylish shoes are a good thing. A fashionable sweater and neat attire are, too. A short skirt? High socks? Very sexy. But a woman is just a body until you fall in love with her heart. And I have. Yeah, I'm attracted to her (more than any woman I’ve ever known, in fact), but it's the whole package. Looking up to and admiring her for who she is in her entirety: that’s the stuff love stories are made of. 

If I haven't made myself clear, then maybe this one will do it. This is how I feel when I'm with her. At peace. At rest. Complete. Satisfied. Home. 

***

This was fun, so I may do it again sometime. 

Thank you for reading. And God bless.

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