my careless contagion

I’ve never met a woman like her in my entire life. She’s just so rare, though to herself she may feel ordinary. I remember her smile, which lights up my world, so well, as I do so many details. I cherished them because I had so few and wanted so many. Things that are rare are treated differently. They’re cherished. That’s where I am now: cherishing memories. But, I also ponder what makes her unique to me.  How did she soldier through so many years of neglect, pain, and abuse? How did she sleep so many nights wondering where her dear one was and whose heart or whose body he was chasing? When he said awful things or flared in anger, how did she turn the other cheek? How did she brush off his abusive and controlling behavior? And then was somehow wounded when she perceived she had wounded others by finally protecting herself? I watched her mourn losing a man who treated her despicably. It took my breath away. The heart of that woman is unbelievable. It is simply wrapped up in everyone...

Wrote this a while back. It’s still good. My writing isn’t very good lately, but it gets the point across.  I was a shy boy, an introvert. Saying anything, especially hello, is hell for people like me. But, saying hello was the easiest thing in the world when it came to her. I said hello once and it stood. One hello. Please stay forever. Saying hello to her was natural and right. It was saying goodbye that didn’t work so well. Some people are always welcome in your life. You hope they make themselves at home. Stay the afternoon, the night, and then a lifetime. Cindy was the easiest hello and the hardest goodbye. In fact, I never really said goodbye. And I don’t intend to. Some people fit perfectly into you. Have you noticed? Like they were carved that way in advance by Unseen Hands. Like they were part of the plan the whole time. Drawn together. Designed that way. Without them, something is missing. With them, one feels whole. That is my girl. That is how I feel. I never wanted to ...

I wrote this a bit ago. Not sure when. It’s weakly written but heartfelt. I’m not the most eloquent writer, but God gave me a gift to express my heart. To write about a woman who came back into my life 5 years ago and left four and a half years ago may seem silly to some, but they don’t see my heart like God does.  I feel the need to explain my long-running affection for a woman. I know she’s gone. Trust me, I know. But phooey on that. I still think she’s the best thing since sliced butter. Or diced bread. Or buttered bread. Whatever. She’s the bee’s knees. A godly woman like no other. The virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31. Until someone else comes along to praise her, I will. I imagine someone will be along any day. I don’t have much time. So here goes.  If someone left your life years ago, but you still praise them, they are truly something special. What I intend to do in this post is explain to anyone who doesn't get it what I find so special about her. I will compare...

I wrote these as separate posts but decided to combine them. Neither of them were finished. An explanation at the end.  This is an exploratory post. And a prayer. Bear with me. This post involves someone near and dear. I may or may not be correct about anything I write, but my intention is to understand her. She has been through so much. Our past experiences color reality and expectations for the future. It is with great tenderness that I explore this sensitive subject. The girl I write about is a survivor of domestic abuse. How many different ways she was mistreated I will never know, as she holds these things out of sight. My heart feels some of those things, though, because a part of her is in me. I understand, I think, a little of what she went through. I pray God helps me understand her completely. Truly, when I prayed to understand her years ago, the Lord gave me two books to read (one I read twice), which led me to fall further in love with her. I feel like I understand her ...