Convicted


Today, I have to share something. Today I was convicted. I read a verse last night that stuck out to me. Then I received the same verse this morning in my inbox (it's a random verse-a-day email). It's something God has been telling me for a while. I won't share all the details, but suffice to say I know when God is telling me something.

What I've been posting in my blog is my feelings, sure, but it's not necessarily what God is telling me. What He is telling me hasn't changed. I just don't know how to deal with it, I guess. Writing things in this blog is a semi-private experience. But it's possible someone, sometime in the future, will read what I've written. And what I've written isn't necessarily what God has told me. So I repent of that. 

In the future, I will try to steer away from certain topics. Maybe I've overshared. I don't know. That's the problem. I need to write what I know. Right now, all I know is what God has told me — or what I feel He has told me. I've been writing in a way that helps me deal with my feelings, but what I've written isn't true to what God told me. I realize writing about my feelings can be complex, but simplified down, I'm writing things that are at least somewhat disingenuous.

Without getting into the details, and without calling into question everything I've written, I would also be remiss if I didn't say anything. I don't know how to rectify what I've said besides posting this, especially without saying exactly what I'm talking about. What can I say? I'm a work in progress. But my heart is open to God and His correction. I also don't know how to write about things if I can't write what I feel. Quandary. I feel the need to chronicle my feelings, and I think we all know feelings don't necessarily represent reality. Maybe leaving this here as a sort of disclaimer is all I have to do.

I feel God is changing my direction. God is very merciful. I feel that every day. He's very patient. There is much I can say about the nature of God, but I will just say this. His correction isn't meant to destroy us, but to help us live better. What I have endured has been brutal, and I don't necessarily think of what I went through as God's correction, but I've come out of that now. And it's time to live better.

Thank you for reading.

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