Arguing with God

This post about prayer has a sister post about stoicism (believe it or not, they're connected somehow in my mind). Some things I talk about may be hard to accept. I'm not asking anyone to accept what I write. This blog is for me. But, if you are a Christian and feel conflicted about anything I write, ask God. I don't post anything here without first praying about it. I don't expect anyone to accept something strange without first praying about it, as well. After all, Christians are expected to judge all things (I Corinth. 2:15) and to try the spirits (I John 4:1 & 2). In the end, though, this is my journey, and I am simply documenting it.

I teach my son to obey me. It's a work in progress. Haha. But, my relationship with him is a constant reminder of my relationship with God — my Heavenly Father (and sometimes my relationship with my earthly father). Obedience is key. Talking back isn't allowed.

Obedience is taught in families, as well as in spiritual relationships. It's something God is continuing to hammer home with me. I'm doing better than before, though there is infinite room for improvement. 

There are many instances in the Bible when obedience to God is stressed. But, there are many moments in the Bible when someone stands up to God and requests a different course. Sometimes they argue. Sometimes they bargain. Sometimes, surprisingly, God relents. My belief is God wants that interaction with us. He sometimes wants that conflict. If we simply take Him at His word the first time and walk away, how many promises remain unfulfilled? Take Moses, for example, when he was leading the children of Israel into the promised land. How many times did he intercede for the Israelites when God wanted to wipe them out? He was a type of Jesus in those moments. And Joshua, who actually took the Israelites into the land, was more of the same. He stood in the gap. What if those men did not stand up to God? How many lives would have been lost? How many promises would have been unfulfilled? Sometimes there is great gain when we resist what God intends. But those who resist know the character of God.

Then there is the worm Jacob, who fought with God and even physically wrestled with Him at one point (ending with Jacob being crippled, yet submissive). Jacob had a heart for spiritual things but went about getting them in a devious, slimy way. He sought God, but under his own direction (and sometimes with the aid of his mother's manipulation). Still, God blessed him in inconceivable ways. God saw his heart. Through all of my many mistakes, I know God sees my heart, so that is, well, heartening. Heh. 

There is the story of Jesus and the Syrophoenician woman. She was not of the chosen people and was asking of Jesus a miracle (having a demon thrown out of her daughter). Jesus told her no, basically, but she did not relent. Her arguing with Jesus (respectful arguing, I should say) was awarded. Her faith overcame the fact that she was not of God's chosen people, the Jews. Jesus gave her daughter deliverance. That would not have happened if the woman had simply walked away when Jesus told her no. I suspect Jesus, when He told her no the first time, had a smile on his face, begging her to bargain with Him.

Then there is the parable of the woman who went relentlessly to the judge and wore him down through her constant pestering. This is a picture of how I often feel. My prayers are a constant incense to my God. Yes, I pray God will cancel out anything that is not His will, but the Bible says to pray about the things I want (Mark 11:22-24). So I will do that. It could be the timing is not right. Or something unseen has to happen first. Or God seeks to effect some necessary change in me first. Or something else entirely. That's not for me to know. My job is to pray. Faith is always rewarded, for without faith, it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6).

The ultimate intercessor is Jesus Christ. People don't think of Jesus as one to argue with God because He is God. But, we see in the garden of Gethsemane something strange happen. Many people — including many preachers — completely misinterpret what happened in the garden. That's a shame. When Jesus was praying with his disciples, he had to wake them repeatedly because "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." What was happening in Jesus' body at that moment gives us a clue why He said that. He was experiencing something few humans have experienced: hematidrosis, which is sweating blood. It occurs when someone is under extreme stress, and the blood vessels under the skin break and blood leaks out in perspiration. Few people live longer than a couple of hours after this occurs. It was at this moment when Jesus was praying that all His protection was taken away, and the hosts of hell were arrayed against Him, putting upon Him intense spiritual pressure inconceivable to human beings. When He prayed to "remove this cup from me," many people think Jesus was having second thoughts about the cross. That is absolute blasphemy. He was praying for strength to make it to the cross, which was still many hours away. He was not praying to avoid the cross. If anything, He was asking to expedite the timeline. That was His life's purpose. Considering the extreme stress his body was under, it was no wonder He was praying for strength. Any other interpretation of that prayer comes from a profound misunderstanding of Jesus' character and mission. People think He was arguing with that purpose? No, He was the meekest (meek means controllable in this sense, like a broke horse) man to ever walk the face of the earth. But He was entering the darkest moment of His life when He was cut off from His Father (a separation forced by taking our sins upon Himself, which the Father could not look upon). In lamentation, He cried out, essentially, "Where are you?" There have been times when I was cut off from God by my sins, and I know just a small measure of that cry and how that feels. It is darkness like no other. I cannot talk about Jesus without crying, and for good reason. I cannot understand love like His. There are many in the Bible who argued with God, and God blessed that. But it was respectful bargaining, not disobedience. Jesus Christ was not arguing. He was desperately trying to complete the mission, even though his body was essentially in shock and was starting to shut down. He persisted beyond what would have killed a normal person just do die — at the right place at the right time — so I would belong to Him.

Since we're already talking about Jesus ... it should be clear he was not a weak man. What should have killed him did not. He made it to the cross so our sins would kill Him and not anything else. He is not the European-looking waif with blue eyes, the hippie-looking weakling with long hair, or however he's often depicted. He was a Jew, so most likely had an olive complexion and dark hair (and we know He had a beard because the soldiers plucked it out before crucifying Him), and most certainly did not have long hair because the Bible says that signifies rebellion in a man. Jesus was not rebellious. And not weak. He was a carpenter, so worked long days doing physically demanding work. Nor was he a sad man. Yes, He was acquainted with sorrows, but He was also anointed with the oil of gladness above all His fellows. Being in His presence was probably a feeling like no other. Jesus was readily accepted by the common people, so He must have looked like one of them and probably had no foreign features. I know the definition of what a Jew looks like has changed over the years, but I'm talking about what happened 2,000 years ago. But I digress.

God wants a dialog with us. He wants a relationship with us. Sometimes there are times when we are allowed to argue and God blesses that. Prayer moves the hand of God. There is something here I do not fully understand, but it's hard to ignore those moments in the Bible when God's people argue with Him. These are people who were tried and tested. Moses argued with God a lot. I mean, he essentially ran away from God's calling after killing the Egyptian slavemaster. But God patiently waited and used him when he was ready. Don't think God can use you? He used Moses, a murderer, to bring His people out of Egypt. He used Moses, who argued about little things like, "Oh, I have a speech impediment," which is when God gave him Aaron, his brother, to speak for him. It's amazing the excuses we come up with so we don't have to do what God tells us to do. But without arguing, perhaps we can't have His provision. He consistently steps up in our weakness with His strength (II Corinthians 8-10).

Why am I mentioning any of this? Because I am a human being with many questions and concerns. When I see God doing something I don't understand, I want to know why. When He's doing something I don't agree with, I petition Him. When I see something wrong taking place, I immediately bring it to His attention. This frees me from taking action. This liberates me from taking something too big upon myself. I'm not at the point where I'm arguing with God, though I do see myself as a sort of Jacob (oof). Yes, I have wrestled with God before. No, I will not do it again. This whole thing is interesting to me, that God blesses those who argue with Him. Sometimes. But those people know the character of God. And they believe in the rightness of what they ask. They know He is able to deliver. There is a boldness in them (Hebrews 4:16). It just shows that God meets us wherever we are. It shows us He is infinitely concerned with our lives. It shows His great mercy and grace and endless provision for our weakness. It says He wants to talk with us, walk with us more than we will ever know. It says we can change the course of history. We can change the mind of God. He is constantly reaching out, constantly calling out to us, always trying to gather us under His wing. This aspect of God shows me His great love for us. We can bargain with God. How amazing is that? What an amazing position to be in. There we are — at the right hand of the Father — with equal authority as Jesus Christ. For many Christians who feel powerless, this should be heartening. I know it is for me. 

I wouldn't say this is an example of arguing with God, but I will put this here as an example of constantly seeking God. I have not stopped seeking God about a replacement babysitter for my son. The one we signed up to be with some time ago just didn't offer us what we needed. It wasn't about the money, but I will say it was more money. We could afford it, so it was fine. But I kept asking God about it, and another door opened. And then there were others. So, it looks like my son will be going to a different babysitter from the one we thought. Instead of getting 90 percent of what we needed, we're getting (I feel) 100 percent. I do feel bad about the upheavals in my son's short life, and I want to minimize those things. But, that's part of life, and it teaches us to pray and trust God. Now, if I can just learn that lesson myself.

All of this may seem rudimentary to those reading (assuming I still have readers). But, let me relate a story that highlights what my life has been like. When I was in the third or fourth grade, one day a kid (who probably had a mullet cus it was the 80s) decided he was going to fight me (maybe he was jealous of my parachute pants). So he did. He knocked me down on the playground and beat the crap out of me. He was on top of me when he got pulled off. We both got detention, even though I didn't initiate or participate in the fight (besides the fact that I got beat up). The teacher, when I told her my last name, nearly squealed in delight because my parents were not well-liked by most teachers because of their politics. My friend Matt vehemently defended me to the teacher and told her it was wrong to give me detention because I did nothing wrong. It was a case of clear victim-blaming. I wandered around the playground, completely deflated, until the bell rang. 

When I got to my classroom after recess and my teacher was given my name for detention, she asked what on earth I had done. Someone said I was in a fight, and she knew instantly that wasn't right. She asked me if I had been fighting, and I'm pretty sure I didn't say a word. Other kids in class came to my defense. I just broke down and cried. She took my name off the board for detention. She knew both kids involved and knew I would be the last kid to start a fight. I was a shy kid who loved drawing, and I didn't have a mean bone in my body. 

What does this story say about me? It says I didn't know I could protest. I'm incredibly naive, easily manipulated, and endlessly trusting. I simply accepted the fact that I got detention. Not only was I bullied on the playground and beat up, but I was essentially bullied by the recess teacher as well. I accepted the sentence I was given even though I felt it was unfair. In past posts, I made a sketch of my childhood, so it should be readily apparent why I accepted this scenario. To take this story further, I've seen this scenario play out hundreds and perhaps thousands of times in my life. I've rarely stood up for myself. Do you want to know why? Because I was always somehow blamed for doing so. That is the script I was given from my earliest memories until now. The same thing happened with my divorce. Do you, dear reader, understand how liberating it is to know that I not only don't have to accept these unfair scenarios anymore, but I can change the mind of God?

As of this writing, I'm currently negotiating/renegotiating with and plaintively pestering my God. He got the short end of the stick with me, but He picked me, so He's stuck. He got an account that constantly runs in the negative, and I got the Creator of the universe. And I was feeling bad about my life because I'm bad at relationships? Talk about not being able to see the forest for the trees. 

Thank you for reading. And God bless.