my careless contagion

I wrote this to Cindy, and even though the context no longer exists, I made a public blunder so must apologize publicly. Thank you for letting me share in this space. It's very humbling to post this. A new post will be along shortly.  *** I wish to write you a better apology. My only request is you don't reply. Relax, I'm not asking to be in your life.  God pointed out specific times when I disrespected you. I apologize for those. God rebuked me thoroughly. I repent of my behavior. I think the worst were things God told both you and I that I tried to press through. It's one thing to chase a woman; quite another to disregard a clear boundary. This isn't the only thing God is dealing with me about. It was the thing that pushed me over the edge with a grotesque display of weakness. I am completely humbled. Humiliated, in fact. God is patient. I'm not asking for forgiveness from you. I don't deserve anything from you. I do not deserve to be your friend right now...

Today, I have to share something. Today I was convicted. I read a verse last night that stuck out to me. Then I received the same verse this morning in my inbox (it's a random verse-a-day email). It's something God has been telling me for a while. I won't share all the details, but suffice to say I know when God is telling me something. What I've been posting in my blog is my feelings, sure, but it's not necessarily what God is telling me. What He is telling me hasn't changed. I just don't know how to deal with it, I guess. Writing things in this blog is a semi-private experience. But it's possible someone, sometime in the future, will read what I've written. And what I've written isn't necessarily what God has told me. So I repent of that.  In the future, I will try to steer away from certain topics. Maybe I've overshared. I don't know. That's the problem. I need to write what I know. Right now, all I know is what God has ...

I work on an Apple computer at my workplace. They're awesome for graphic work, which is a lot of my job. Anyway, the most helpful shortcut is undo, or command z. Sometimes I wish I could do command z in life, too. Last week I posted a long diatribe about relationships. I painted the woman I am in love with in a bad light. While some of the things I said were deserved, some of it may have been hyperbole. I was writing from a place of pain and frustration, clearly.  She did get in touch with me recently and said she didn't realize she had said things to hurt me, and she never meant to hurt me. It was a confusing, whirlwind time for both of us, and I admit, I pushed her too hard to have a relationship with me. We both did and said things that were unfair. Since she is a main theme on this blog, I would be remiss if I did not update my audience on the fact that she does indeed still read this blog and does care about me very much. I regret my tone in that post, of course, ...