Annie's Song

Cindy's Song (I mean Annie's Song) is a musical masterpiece and a true love song. It's simple, eloquent, and timeless. It has persisted since 1974 in spite of the threat of being buried by decades of mediocre and downright terrible music. Take that, Justin Bieber.

Perhaps the most amazing thing about the song is it was written in approximately 10 minutes while John rode a ski lift after having a fight with his then-wife, Annie. He was grateful he didn't break up with her, and Annie's Song is the product of that sentiment. Unfortunately, they did end up divorcing a few years later. That divorce has been described as ugly. In spite of that, and fortunately for the rest of us, this beautiful song lives on long after that divorce and after John left us.

Annie's Song is straight from the heart. It's not a complicated song at all. Anyone can learn it, even me. Every time I hear this song, I think of a girl. Maybe you know who I'm talking about. While it's true my love for her has changed, it has not died. It's hard to describe how it changed. It ran through me so thoroughly, it effectively rewired my brain and certainly my heart. Loving that girl changed me. 

Some insist love lasts three years. After that, something else takes hold. If that's true, then in my case, a different kind of love took hold. It's a calmer, stronger love. It doesn't exist at the surface all the time. It spread its roots into every part of me. It went from my heart to the rest of me. Unloving someone you love like that is impossible. I'm confident I will love that girl for the rest of my life, though not in a panicky, gotta-have-it way. Without fully addressing what that scenario means to me, I can say I'm happy, as I get to carry a piece of her with me for the rest of my life. Would I be happier with more? Of course. But let's just say I'm grateful and call it a day.

Something in my heart decided she was worth loving. My head understands she is one of a kind. It knows, too, how extraordinarily beautiful she is. I know I will never find another woman like her. Does rarity increase someone's value? Of course, just as rare gems are more valuable than common rocks. What's even odder is that it seemed this whole thing was decided for me, like I was chosen. Feel free to call me nuts. I'm inclined to believe it, too. When someone leaves your life and you continue to love them, what do you do? What can you do? You keep loving them. Normally, love needs reinforcement to survive and thrive (this is why we reiterate to our children how much we love them, for instance — so they'll never wonder or forget). Apparently, what lives in my chest needs no reinforcement. Once it decided, that was it.

When you love someone, sometimes you feel overwhelmed by them. They "fill up your senses" to the point of spilling over, which for someone like me feels messy. I like containment. I want control. Clearly, the way I loved her was not contained. It was the opposite of controlled. But, sitting in a room with her, without even saying anything, leaves me feeling full and satisfied. It's a hard feeling to describe, as feelings often are. 

In one of our last conversations, she said she didn't think our story was over. Maybe that chapter had to end. Maybe the book had to end. But maybe there is a sequel. If not, I'm glad I got as much as I did. Maybe John felt the same way about Annie's Song. And so these love songs — and love letters — will live on long after we are gone.